Backwards and in High Heels
by aquajogger
Summary: Omfg, the plot is actually moving? Geeze, I guess some of the characters got annoyed with those long delays... And I hope someone out there actually knows Gundam Wing, or Tetheus won't make a whole lot of sense. Don't worry. You can hang with Rune.
1. Hell Hath No Fury

Hey, all! I know, I know. I shouldn't. But I couldn't resist! This story was just calling to me!

Besides, it's not a schoolfic, songfic, or romance(Well, not really. ;)!!

You should be proud!

Besides, I'll still be working on my other stories, the updates will just become even fewer and farther in-between now that I have something else to work on. ::nervous laughter:: Don't hurt me, please...

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the DK gang, male, female, or otherwise! I also don't own any of the phrases that go through Rune's head; they are all taken from books 1 and 6!

Warning: Swearing, minor violence, "female issues". Slight OOC on Rune's part. I tried to keep him in character, but he's hard! Plus, he's majorly pissed... Please attribute all oddities to his bad temper! Thank you!

"speaking; quotes(duh)"

'thoughts'

[dragon's cards]

::n::

'Rune's such a girlie-girl...'

'He's already like a woman...'

He sharply rounded a corner, almost hitting and knocking over a tall and elaborately carved pillar standing next to it as decoration.

'Wow! He looks exactly like her...'

'Pretty as a picture...'

Steps speeding up as his temper rose even higher, Rune's mind began to fill as the voices rushing through his memory increased in volume. They overlapped each other, laughing, smirking, teasing.

And all saying the same thing.

'Whenever we need cash, we can dress Rune in drag, and...'

'Will you please marry me?!...'

That he was a girl. Female. Feminine.

The half-elf growled under his breath, releasing a string of barely understandable curse words in several languages.

This had always been going on, but today? This was the last straw.

'You are so beautiful...'

'And our daughter takes after her mother...'

Whirling around another corner, his destination came into view. A set of tall wooden doors, slightly ajar: The enterance to the castle library. Barely slowing down, Rune shoved through them, ignoring the disapproving glance cast at him by the young maid stuck on desk duty.

'Oh, come on. All heroines change their hairstyle. It's the current trend...'

As that last thought shot through his mind, he came to a dead halt, breathing hard from both anger and exertion.

Directly before him was a tall wooden shelf.

The books on this particular shelf were old, thick, yellowed, and covered in a gray layer of dust. None of them looked particularly appealing for a bit of light reading, and not all of them appeared to be in an understandable language.

His hand shaking slightly from barley contained rage, Rune reached up, slowly pulling a worn red book off the shelf, and hastily turning it's musty pages, searching with a near hysteria for the one chapter he needed.

He had found this book by mistake shortly after he had come to the castle, and had quickly put it back once he realized what it contained.

A smirk suddenly appeared on his features, icy blue eyes glinting dangerously in a frame of light blonde hair, loosened strands falling into his flushed face.

A smooth hand ran long fingers down the thick spine of the book, brushing dust off it into a silvery cloud, and revealing delicately styled golden lettering, spelling out the title.

"Revenge and Spite; A Book of Curses"

Snapping the book tightly shut, and releasing a larger cloud of dust into the air, Rune placed it under his arm and strode resolutely out of the library. That was one of the pluses of being a Dragon Knight. No one really cared whether or not you actually checked your books out.

::n::

"You think Rune's pissed?"

"Thats, it's Rune. He's always pissed."

The Dragon Knight of Earth considered this information, slowly running it over, his mind dulled by the presence of the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the branches of the tree in which he was currently stretched out in.

Finally shaking his head, he spoke.

"Yeah, but he seemed really upset this time."

A good ten feet below him, Rath Illuser opened his eyes, tilting his head backwards to peer up into the branches that held his comrade.

"I dunno. He seemed about the same as always to me".

"Really?" Thats opened his eyes as well, but didn't bother moving, "Not to me. He seemed..." he searched for a word, then closed his eyes once more, giving up on even attempting to think in the lazy atmosphere the castle gardens projected at this time of the day.

"Pissed. Really pissed."

"Thats," Rath began again, shutting his eyes and starting to drift into a dreamlike haze, "It's Rune. He's always pissed."

There was another lull in the conversation, during which both boys noticed that they had gotten nowhere, and had, in fact, repeated exactly what had been said before.

"He'll get over it," the Fire Knight managed to add in, stirring himself slightly from his light sleep.

"I guess so," Thats said, still uncertain.

"He always does."

"That's true," he agreed, stretching his arms briefly, then reclasping them behind his head.

"Besides, what could he do?" the black haired one asked, lazily opening one eye and flicking a small black ant off his leg, then leaned back down against the rough trunk of the large tree, letting the warm light play upon his slightly upturned face.

"It's not like he'd curse us or anything."

"Yeah," Thats gave a short laugh, "He wouldn't do that."

It was at this moment that Rune entered the gardens, a mere twenty feet away from the base of the tree that the other two knights were stationed at.

::n::

Testosterone and the burning pain of humiliation still running rampant through his veins, he opened the book he still carried with him to a dog-eared page towards the middle.

"Chapter seven," he felt a feeling of sick satisfaction growing within him, "Reversal of Genders. Set Up: Easy. Spell Level: Difficult. Spell Power: F-ing Strong."

Narrowed azure eyes took in the two figures lying on their backs either below or in the tree before him, and the corner of his mouth twitched up.

Rereading the pages contents one last time, Rune closed the book and carefully placed it on the ground at his feet, then turned his attention back to Thats and Rath.

"At least it's not permanent," he whispered, half to them, half to the uneasy feeling that had started to gnaw at his conscience.

"They'll have to deal with it for a month. Not one day more."

Then, extending both arms, palms facing away from him, Rune pushed all disapproving or uncertain thoughts out of his mind, concentrating on creating a ball of power large enough to envelop the two boys.

Straining slightly from forming and holding onto such a large amount of raw energy, the Knight of Water racked his minds for the words to the spell contained within the flimsy pages of the text.

"Sal Ramsey, Ignociora Haiz'n i Goreothe, kihtikcn cal Seude'n-rai, Feirra Laimnend trequm, Jaft Fema dan Turnfeo, Ssy..."

Here Rune paused, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

He couldn't stop now, not even if he had wanted to. An unfinished spell is one of the most dangerous things to leave lying about, especially if, as in the case of this particular spell, a great deal of power was backing it.

Continuing on straight to the end would be best, however he was having some difficulty.

Rune's mind raced.

He couldn't remember the final word needed to finish his curse.

Frantically he grasped onto the first thing he could think of, hoping it was correct, or at least close enough to being correct that it would pass as a reasonable substitute.

"Ahctelth!"

As the word slipped from his lips, slick with the sweat now running freely down his face, the orb of quivering magic slipped from his uncontrollably shaking hands, hurtling forward at a breakneck speed.

::n::

Thats opened his eyes.

Something didn't feel right.

As his sight adjusted to the now dim early evening light, a wave of power rushed over him.

"What?!"

Rath jumped to his feet, sensing the surge of magic as well.

"What is it?!"

"I don't..." Thats trailed off, green eyes widening in horror at what he saw before him.

"I can't believe it," His voice was hushed, the words breaking.

Raising his voice above the heated crackling now audible in the normally still garden, he shouted down to Rath, wearing an equally shocked expression as he too took in the scene in front of them.

"It's Rune, he--"

The rest of his explanation was cut off as a massive ball of power rocketed towards the two youngest knights, exploding in a blinding mass of lightning around them.

::n::

From the moment that Rune uttered the final word in the incantation, he knew something was very, very wrong.

So he was half expecting it when his fireball of a spell had ricocheted off the tree, coming back to envelop not only Rath and Thats, but himself as well, dragging all three of them down into it's hellish core.

As Rune felt the mind-numbing tiredness that he knew accompanied exerting this much magical power combine with the immediate lethargic drowsiness that was a side effect of this particular curse, two words managed to stay afloat in the quickly darkening world around him.

"Oh, fuck."

::n::

Haha! I've finished, and in one night, too!::is pleased::

I still don't really know why I'm starting a new story, just that a humor fic will be fun for a change, and guys-to-girls stories are always a good place to rant and be generally evil to the opposite sex. D

Do not worry. They will escape unscathed. For the most part.

Please review!! This is the only guys-to-girls fic I've ever seen in the Dragon Knights section... And I've been here ever since there were four pages worth!

Bonus kudos to whoever finds the plugs for JAFT, SSY, F&F, and Thatchels!

Hint: Look at Rune's spell.


	2. Ohmigod, Rune is, like, SO dead

Kat: Yeah, I don't think the Shys will give me a hug, either. ...Not that I want them to, but... I WANT A HUG FROM RUWALK!!::cries::

FireyFlames: Why thank you! I thought of it in the shower! D

Link: Well, here they are, in all their female... Um... Hilariousity!

Kag of the Sengoku Forest: Hey, tell your friends to review, too! n.n Just kidding... Sorta. n-n;; But you're Rune? Awesome. I'm listed on my friend's phone as "Thats". Hahaha... That's because of last halloween. I took her keys, her chocolate bar, her granola things, her cell phone, and her keys again! XD It was her fault... She ditched our "dress as Dragon Knights" pact at the last minute, going as some girl instead of Rath! Cesia was NOT happy...

DarkMaidenEast: "Uber-drag"? Lol! Love that term! Uber-drag... And I loved your story as well! You must write more!

Crazy-MeowMeow: I'm glad you like this sort of thing! I find them bloody hillarious, too!

JupiterLover: Thank you! It's updated, and it's longer this time, too!

Charna: Yes... This is my "let's all write shit to stop being stressed out story". So yes, it is fun. ...Oh, wait, you might have been talking about the story frm the reader's POV. ...Um. Oh, well, forget I said that, then. Pissed? Very. Namely Thats.looks at him in this chapter I don't blame him. Plug... Where did I say that? Ah! In the last chapter I hid adverts for some of my other stories and my favorite pairing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights, but I do own this plot bunny, although it appears to be distantly related to the plot bunny of the story "Women Aren't So Weak, Wufei". Now THAT was a bloody funny fic!

Warnings: Swearing(They say the "f-word". A lot.), violence(Not really. Just pain.), "female issues"(I asked Kat for suggestions...). Only no really major issues in this chapter. Don't worry, they've got a month.::is an evil sadist::

Note: And I will still be referring to Ra, Th, and Ru as "he", or "him", since they are technically supposed to be male(Kinda?), even though... Well...::cracks up::

"speaking; quotes(duh)"

'thinking'

dragon's cards

::n::

'Ouch.'

That was the first coherent thought that Rath was able to form in his pounding head. No, forget pounding, it was melting, falling into little vibrating chunks, and tap-dancing across his jangly pain nerve sensors in a pair of spiked black stilettos. This would be damn sexy if it weren't so painful.

'Ouch,' he thought again.

As he lay in the throbbing red-tinged darkness, a second thought slowly began to form out of the uncomfortably warm mush that seemed to be currently inhabiting his skull. He wished it would either vacate or pay him backrent.

'What the hell happened?'

And then...

'Why the hell is it so dark?'

As he slowly came to the realization that it was so dark because his eyes were closed, the next idea that came to him was that it might be good to open them. Then he might possibly find out what happened, and if it had anything to do with the cross dressing gnomes that were tap-dancing across his skull to what appeared to be music from "Annie".

Rath slowly opened his eyes, taking in briefly an image of a sort of smudgy green high above him, before shutting them tightly once more.

'All right... So the gnomes prefer the dark.'

Realizing that the green above him must be the leaves of the tree that he had been lying next to, he decided that not much time could have passed since what he could remember last; talking with Thats about the brilliantly funny practical joke they had pulled on Rune earlier that day.

His mouth twitched up into a half grin, sending a jolt of searing pain through his forehead.

Man, that had been funny.

He couldn't remember-it was the dancing gnomes, they were too distracting-which one of the two of them it had been who had come up with the idea, but he had been the one to distribute the pictures to the eagerly waiting Dragon Fighters.

After Thats had snuck into Rune's bedroom, taken them, had them altered, blown up, and made into multiples, of course.

His mischievous smile broadened, and he was pleased to note that it was not accompanied by an increase of pain this time around.

After all, how often do you get a very convincing poster-size picture of Rune as a playboy bunny?

He started to snicker at the mental image that produced, but quickly stopped, as that caused a jolt of pressure to explode behind his eyes.

Wincing, Rath attempted to open his eyes yet again, and found that he was able to do so without an unbearable amount of discomfort.

Blinking several times at the canopy above him, he strained yet again to recall exactly what had led to his current predicament.

"Let's see..." Rath eased himself slowly into a sitting position, "Thats and I were talking about Rune," he said to himself, the past events slowly becoming clearer and less dreamlike.

"Thats said that he thought he was pissed, and I said that Rune's always pissed, and then..."

Realization caused Rath to suddenly jerk forward, his hand flying to his mouth in shock. He cursed himself for doing so as the sudden movement caused the ground under him to lurch unsteadily and the pressure to return to his head in full force.

"Crap!" he swore, turning his head from side to side as he looked around frantically for Thats, "He was right for once! Rune did something, a... A curse or something!"

He lowered his hand, clenching it tightly as it fell, then stopped, stock still.

Something was very, very wrong.

Feeling his breath catch in his throat, he took a deep breath, willing himself to look down.

All remaining pain immediatly vanished and was instead replaced by a numbing lightheadedness that caused his world to shake slightly.

Rath's arm, still covered by his long black sleeve, was pressed up against his chest.

Or, to be accurate, was pressed up between two small, yet very visible, breasts protruding beneath his inexplicably-too-big shirt.

Pausing in the middle of his wide-eyed, openmouthed hyperventilation, Rath was suddenly hit by the irony of it all.

"Cesia will find this all so fucking funny."

::n::

Thats slowly eased one forest green eye open, shut it, then opened it again, wincing slightly.

"Oh, God," he muttered hoarsely, raising one hand and pressing it to his throbbing temples.

"Note to self: Never, ever, do that again."

He gave a slightly dead sounding laugh, opening his other eye, and prying himself off the branch of the tree.

"Thank God this thing was wide enough," he muttered, casting a glance at the ground below, and shivering involuntarily.

"Hate to have fallen."

The pain that had accompanied his awakening was quickly disappearing, and Thats decided to try his luck at standing.

Using the rough trunk of the tree as a guide, he slowly stood, pausing only once to shove the short sleeve of his shirt back to rest on his shoulder from where it had slid down onto his arm.

Once he was standing, albeit a bit shakily, and looking over the gardens, he began to try to locate Rath and Rune. Pausing in his search, he reached over, yanking the light material back up, as it had, yet again, fallen down.

"Guess I stretched it."

He shifted uncomfortably inside his clothing. The neck of his shirt did indeed seem to be too large, as the sleeves kept falling.

He pulled it up for the third time, starting to feel irritated.

"Stupid thing got messed up."

Now that he thought about it, his clothing did feel strange, apart from feeling too big about the shoulders.

Tighter, actually.

Noticing too that his pants legs now seemed a bit too long, he wondered what the hell kind of spell Rune had fired that caused his clothing to get so screwed up. And what the point was of using such a spell.

Grabbing the side of his pants, he hitched them up slightly, trying to get them to stop falling past his feet and lying so oddly on his hips. Not being

able to readjust them easily, he turned his eyes from scanning the castle grounds to look down at his body and figure out once and for all what was wrong with his clothing.

Thats glanced at where he could feel his hand tugging at his pants leg, and gave a startled yelp, jumping, and falling off the branch of the tree to land on the hard ground some ten feet below.

::n::

There was a loud crash, not five feet away from where Rath lay, staring in shock at his body.

The Dragon Knight of Fire managed to look up and towards the direction of the noise. What he saw, however, only contributed to his shocked state of mind.

A young woman with messy shoulder length brown hair and tanned skin was collapsed on the grassy ground next to him.

Rath blinked several times.

This newcomer actually looked a disturbingly large amount like Thats.

Well, apart from the more delicate facial features, hips, and, well...

Rath stared in unconcealed amazement.

...Obviously unbound breasts, visible through the wide neck of her loose brown shirt.

::n::

Lying flat on his back, Thats could feel his breath coming in short gasps.

"I-I just..."

Being properly awake this time, he actually registered the sound of his voice, noting that it sounded not only startled and slightly breathless, but higher. Much higher.

Still lying down, he tilted his head to take another look at his newly reproportioned body, and saw for the second time the two things had given him the shock of his life.

"Oh. God."

::n::

Rune sighed to himself.

He was royally fucked up.

The incessant pounding inside his head had finally died away, and the world had stopped lurching beneath him, but he still felt as though he was going to be sick.

Rustling sounds near him, an crash, a scream, and some hurried talking in two familiar but distinctly feminine voices brought forth another mental sigh from the half elf.

Oh, yes. He was screwed.

Two pairs of footsteps neared where he lay, and through closed eyes, he thought he could make out two angry faces glaring down at him.

"Rune," said one voice, he supposed it was Rath's, as it sounded like him, only an octave higher, and slightly more silken than was usual.

"Rune," it repeated.

Something nudged him gently in the side.

"Ruuuuuuuuune..."

Still he lay silent, desperately hoping that they would give up and go away.

The poking stopped abruptly as the second voice, slightly lower than the first, snapped harshly.

"Oh, stop that! Rune!" it nearly screamed, "Wake up you little bitch!"

The Dragon Knight of Water sat bolt upright at that comment, trying not to sway as the world spun slightly.

"What did you say?!"

He found himself looking face to face with a teenaged girl with shoulder length messy brown hair, tied back into a short pony tail, and large green eyes, currently narrowed at him, set in a clear and tanned face.

Thats, Rune presumed, actually made a rather pretty girl.

"Good, you're up," Thats seemed to make an effort at calming down, "Now would you mind telling us what the hell happened?!" he gestured rather uncomfortably, down at his new body.

Rune shifted his weight, suddenly feeling guilty.

"Well, you see... It kind of backfired," he vaguely stated.

"What do you mean? We weren't supposed to get turned into girls?" Rath asked, surprisingly calm.

Rune looked at him, slightly startled that he was taking this change so calmly. About to ask why, it suddenly hit him.

'Of course!' He thought to himself, 'Rath's performed similar spells to himself so many times, he's probably over the initial shock already. Mind,' he added in, after a short mental pause, 'When he did it to himself, he probably chose a much simpler spell, one that just caused a very minimal shift in appearance.'

The blonde spoke out loud.

"No, that actually was supposed to happen."

"Then what do you mean, 'it backfired'?" Thats asked, still highly annoyed. He crossed his arms over his chest, then quickly pulled them away as they began to press into his breasts.

Rune chuckled nervously, "Um... I wasn't supposed to get turned into a girl as well."

::n::

Dark skirts swept along cool marble floors as Cesia walked the pathways from her private room to the castle hall, where dinner was currently being served. Night was falling swiftly, and the first stars were beginning to show their glowing faces as the moon rose over the tops of the clouds spiraling upwards from a point a little above the horizon.

Cesia paused, tilting her head skywards, and taking in the glorious view. She had chosen to take the slightly lengthier route that wound through the gardens, instead of the short way through the center of the castle.

She took a deep breath, shivering slightly as the cool air, perfumed with the scent of flowers rushed through her body.

Her memory drifted back to the time that she spent among the demons of Nadil's army, of their stifling restrictions, dimly lit corridors, and dark and blindingly cold gusts of wind that swept along the cloud covered land of Kainaldia. The stars there appeared dim and faded, or a pulsating blood red. When you could see them through the dense violet shroud that surrounded the craggy land below, that is.

It was nothing compared to this sky.

"It's so--"

Her sentimental musings were cut short by a loud smack not five yards off the path, followed quickly by a feminine screech of pain and sounds of a heated argument.

Cesia turned to look to her right, in the direction of the ruckus.

"What in the world?!"

::n::

::evil laugh:: Yes, Cesia's at the castle. Kitchel and Tintlett, however, aren't. Lucky Thats and Rune.

Actually, Kitchel might make a guest appearance later. ::cackling madly::

Oh! And in case anyone wants to know, Kat and I got together and decided upon this...

Rath: 32 A, pants size 2, shoe size 8, 5' 4", Very Heavy flow

Rune: 32 B, pants size 4, shoe size 6, 5' 6", light flow

Thats: 34 C, pants size 6, shoe size 9, 5' 7", moderate flow

Yes, we have too much time on our hands.::sheepish grin::

Review, please!

Tell me what you think of my attempt at humor!

Tell me what you think of my clichéd plot!

Tell me which one of the guys you think got off the easiest!

Tell me what Tetheus would look like as a girl! I don't care! Just review!!

...Actually DON'T tell me about Tetheus. I already have a mental image of him as the leading character in a mpreg story(Don't ask. But ICK.); I don't need to see him with brea-- Oh, damn. --;


	3. Enter Cesia, Stage Right

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights! Nyaaah!!

Warning: As has been established before, swearing, minor violence, swearing, all those issues that come with gender-bending(Thank you, whoever it was that used that term! D) fics, more swearing.

A/N: Lol, who can find the mini-scene that I took from one of the books?

"speaking, quotes"

'thoughts'

dragon's cue cards

::n::

Cesia hurried across the gardens, a heated argument between three female voices growing steadily louder.

Shoving her way through a tangle of low hanging branches and bramble, she managed to push into a small clearing at the bottom of a half hidden hill, a large oak tree in it's midst.

There were three arguing figures at the base of the hill, about six feet away from the resident castle fortuneteller.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

No blood had been spilled... Yet...

However, as she watched, the shortest of the three took a step back and managed to retrieve a sword from somewhere in her baggy clothing.

"Oh, sh--" Cesia's expletive was cut off by the sudden materialization of a small red dragon and a cue card, expertly thrown, hitting the armed girl in the center of her forehead.

YOU'RE NOT MY MASTER!!

::n::

Rath felt the surprisingly sharp corner of a piece of poster board hit him directly between the eyes.

Snatching the paper from where it had fallen on to the ground with a limp thud, he ripped it into small shreds, yelling at the crimson lizard staring at him with wide eyes.

"Yes, I am! I'm..." he paused, suddenly confused as to what the right word was to describe his current situation.

"...In drag!"

Thats turned around from where he was screaming a long winded lecture at Rune in a twisted role reversal situation.

"Gee, Rath, those are some mighty convincing fake breasts," he said, sarcasm dripping off every word, but falling in gushing torrents off the last two in particular.

Rath growled, a vein above his eye twitching.

"You aren't helping!" he spat, taking his turn at subconsciously mimicking the blonde elf, something Rune would have found damn funny, if it weren't so exceedingly scary.

Spinning around, Rath caught sight of Fire attempting to sneak back into the sword; the dragon apparently figuring that whatever was going on, he just didn't want to know.

"Fire!"

...Yes...? the little dragon scrawled uncertainly.

"A little help, here?"

Fire craned his short neck to peer at the Water Knight sitting on the ground, regaining his senses after the barrage of accusations and insults thrown his way by the other two. He looked at his Dragon Knight, then back to the elf. He raised one delicate black eyebrow at the demon-child he referred to as Master.

I'm not going to set him on fire for you.

Rath sweatdropped, opening his mouth for a smart reply, when he heard the sound he currently dreaded most, the one sound he had hoped not to hear anytime soon.

A sound that made his blood run cold with apprehension and fear.

A sound that made him want to vanish from the face of Dusis.

A sound that made him wish Nadil would appear and curse him dead.

"What the... Rath?!"

The voice of his friend, the Yokai soothsayer.

::n::

Cesia walked forward as the three girls seemed to be temporarily distracted by the appearance of the dragon.

How those three had gotten their hands on Rath's sword without being brutally maimed and fed to the Darnias(1), she would never know.

Actually...

Now that she got closer to the three, she started to get confused. They were very familiar looking, except she couldn't quite put her finger on where she had seen them before. They didn't remind her of any of the maids, and she was certain she hadn't seen them in the town.

But where...

A light breeze blew the pieces of the little dragon's first message towards her, bumping into her black skirts and falling to the ground, face up.

Bending down to pick them up, Cesia glanced at the shards, managing to piece together the message.

"You're not my Master," she read out loud, feeling something start to click in the back of her mind.

Suddenly she jerked her gaze to the black haired girl, the one standing closest to her.

"What the... Rath?!"

::n::

The girl's exclamation caused all three Dragon Knights to freeze in their positions, then painfully slowly let their eyes trace across the gardens and on to the unbelieving face of the fortuneteller.

"Oh..." Thats started, his green eyes unnaturally wide. He dropped his hold on the blonde's shirt collar, wondering vaguely what would happen if he caused the earth to quite literally swallow him up.

"Lord..." Rune exhaled, feeling his heart beating in his throat. His eyes seemed glued to the dark haired figure, staring at them in shock.

Rath didn't say anything. He simply wondered what the most painful way would be to kill Fire. The small dragon was lying on it's back, gasping for air, and twitching erratically from laughing too hard.

Cesia took a few steps towards the "girls", looking carefully at Rath.

"Rath. It is you. ...Right?" she asked, understandably confused.

When the other did not deny it, instead crossing their arms and sending off an intense glare, she suddenly realized she must be correct.

"Oh, God. Rath," she fought to stifle a sadistic snicker, "What the hell happened to you?" her eyes passed briefly over the other two figures, and an errant giggle leaked out.

"Don't tell me...." she glanced again at the knights of earth and water, "Thats and Rune, right?"

Rath nodded, glaring ferociously at Rune.

"I..." Cesia brought her hand to her mouth, where she bit down on it fiercely, "I can't..."

Rath flushed and turned to the knight of water as the girl with long raven hair burst out in a fit of laughing.

"When we turn back into guys," he ground out, "Remind me to kick you in the balls."

::n::

Elfin Kagome: DEMON GOLDFISH!! ::cracking up:: I am SO remembering that one! XDD

Minea: Ok, I will update when I can. Which will not be that often, as I have other stories that need to be updated more(They were last updated a month or so ago... ;), and I have school. Ack! Tests!::runs around frantically::

Kichel: Lol, a Rune and a Kitchel...::laughs::

Black Angel of Destruction: Hm. Rather cheery fic for an angel of destruction, no? Or maybe you just like the sadistic quality to this story. Or maybe I'm just being weird.

insaneoveranime: I'm glad you found it so funny. n-n This is my first attempt to write humor in... Man, a really long time! o.O;

Rath Illuer-012: And now a Rath!? Oo;; Cool...? Well, that was the next chapter!

Cesia: Ack!! And now Cesia!! All... The DK characters... Lol about Rune, btw. I think he looks more manly in the later books... nn; ::is trying to stick up for Rune::

Kat: Hell, yeah, you are the official labeler! ::laughs about Rune's feet:: I wonder if they are that small normally... ::sniggers and has a large book thrown at her by mind-Rune::

ShadowDown: :) She did. Oh, like a motherclucker she did...

Sapphire Angel: You review keeps making me laugh... I don't know why, I just find it so darn funny...

Eikou: Um. Pg-13. Yes. Definitely pg-13. I mean, thirteen year olds know that word, right? . . 

Charna: ::shrugs:: We(By we, I mean me and all the Dragon Knights and Gundam Wing girls. And Sabel. n-n;) were playing "Ask Cesia", and... When Dorothy Catalonia wants to know, dorothy Catalonia gets her answers. ::edges away from scary cool girl::

Lady Kilgorin: ...Why, yes... You are reviewing... This had better not be a one time thing...::suspicious::

Yavie Aelinel: LOL!! Well, I guess not. nn;; ::suddenly thinks of something:: ...Nohiro would be SO happy to get in on this story...::evil mind gears turning::

Capella: Glad you found it entertaining. Thanks for reviewing my other stuff, too! Yeah, Rune was bound to snap one day. I'm just surprised it wasn't sooner.

::n::

Ack, sorry. That was going to be longer, but then I realized this would be the perfect place to stop. nn; The next chapter, however, is gonna be about three times as long, and will cover many questions I'm sure a lot of people out there have.

(1)Darnia food Spam. ::nods::

R is for the way you wROTE to me...

E is for EVERY lil' mistake you see...

V is VERY, very, much appreciated...

I is... Uh... Um...

You get the point.

Please REVIEW!!


	4. Shut Up

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights or any of the characters in it! ...Not that you would've believed me if I said I did, but...

Warning: Boys turned into girls. Swearing. Minor violence. Not-quite-G-rated-humor. Please don't kill me for my comment about rape. Nothing in this fic is meant to be offensive, so please don't flay me alive!! Please, please, please, please, please, please! It was mentioned once. Just to drive home a point, I might add. I know it wasn't very PC, but then, nothing in here IS. Please don't hurt me...::begs::

::n::

Bare feet padded down chilly hallways, stepping in time with the soft clink of heels. A giggle rippled through the air, followed by an exasperated voice.

"Stop it."

"But--"

"Stop it."

"Yeah, but--"

"STOP IT."

Ceisa looked at the face of the glowering Elf, and ducked her head, laughter rippling through her body once again.

Rune sighed. This was how the past ten minutes had went, and he didn't see any end in sight.

Slinking back to join Rath and Thats in sulking, he left Cesia ahead to lead them to her private chambers.

He ran a hand irritably over his still slightly throbbing temples. How was he going to explain this to the Dragon Lord?

"Lord Lykouleon? Rath and Thats printed out a pornographic picture of me, so I went Xerox and accidentally turned us all into women. Sorry about not being able to defend the castle and all that, but since we no longer fit our custom-made armor, we'd be flayed alive at the first barrage of demons."

"Raped."

Rune jumped: he hadn't realized he'd been talking out loud.

"What?" he turned to look at the Knight next to him.

"Raped," Thats repeated, his face set in a stoney scowl.

"We won't get flayed alive. We'll get kidnapped, stripped, and tied up in positions that definitely are not holy," he let those words sink in, then continued.

"I mean, if you had said attack of humans, then yes, we would get flayed. Probably very painfully. But since you said demons, and demons tend to be more sexually active--"

Rune cut him off quickly.

"Shut up. I get it."

Thats fell quiet, letting the air sink back into it's sticky silence.

"...And then if they get us knocked up--"

"Shut. Up."

::n::

Lykouleon looked down the long table, stacked high with plates and dishes, all of which contained various delicious looking and tasting culinary masterpieces. There was an unusually large number of people seated there. All of the officers were at the castle that night, as Tetheus was still preparing for his upcoming trip to Cezzare to check out a recent demon attack, and Kai-Stern had just returned to the castle a few hours prior. In addition, Zoma had been talked into joining them for dinner, an event that he was still not quite comfortable attending without an invitation. However... The Dragon Lord furrowed his brow. There were four very important people missing.

"Raseleane?" he turned to face his queen, "Do you know where Cesia or the Knights are?"

Raseleane shook her head, glancing at the empty chairs in the middle of the table.

"I spoke to Cesia less than fifteen minutes ago, she said she would be a little late, as she was going to take the garden path. I don't know where the Knights could be, however."

"Strange." Lykouleon looked at their seats again, "It's not like them to miss a meal."

::n::

Cesia closed her door behind them, locking it securely, before turning back to face the three boys-turned-girls. About to giggle, she caught herself, and spoke instead.

"What sizes are you?"

There was a dead silence as all three of them turned varying shades of red.

"Well," Thats broke the awkward pause, "I was fi--"

"No! Oh, God, no!" Cesia waved frantically, "That's not what I meant! Geeze!" she drew her hand down her face, "Guys have such one-track minds! What I meant was," she crossed past them to her closet, "What size clothing do you wear?"

Rath shrugged, "How would we know? We don't normally turn ourselves into girls for fun."

"We don't, dunno about you," Thats muttered in the black-haired Knight's general direction.

Cesia ignored their comments, looking each one of them up and down.

"Well," she scanned them again, "I think I might have clothing that could fit you three. At least temporarily." She spun around, digging through her closet for suitable articles of clothing.

"Wait," Rune said, panicking slightly, "We're going to wear your clothes?"

"For the time being," Cesia shoved a black dress to the side, removing a sheer skirt hidden behind it and looking at it consideringly, "We'll go get you some real clothes tomorrow, but you'll need something to wear until then."

"But we'll be staying in the castle! Can't we just stay in our regular clothes?"

"Sure," the fortuneteller rolled her eyes, "If you don't mind walking around like that," she waved a hand at their ill-fitting garments.

"Well..."

"Oh, come on!" she snapped, "Do you really think you can wear that? Rune, those pants are at least four inches too long! Thats, you're practically busting out of that thing! And Rath..." she took at good look at the last Knight, "Ok, that actually more-or-less fits you. But still!" Cesia glared at them, whirling around to dig through her closet again, "We need to get you three some better clothes!"

Continuing her rant in a low mutter, she took a step back, a small pile of material in her arms.

"Here, Thats, I want you to try this on."

She tossed a long black dress with a full skirt and an adjustable waist at the Knight of Earth.

"What? Don't you have any pants or something?" he complained.

Cesia sent him a skeptical look.

"Yes, I do, but I really do not think they will fit you."

She demonstrated by retrieving a pair of white and red capris and holding them up to her hips, eyeing the other's dubiously.

"Well, I'd to least like to try them before this thing."

Thats snatched the pants and strode off to Cesia's bathroom, closing the door behind him.

The fortune teller rolled her amber eyes.

"Idiot. Now, Rune, I think you will fit my tops, more or less, but the waist--" she was cut off by a loud crash from inside the bathroom, a cry of pain, and a scuffling noise.

"--Line may be a little tight. So why don't you try on this shirt for now, and I'll look for a skirt that--" her words were cut short for a second time as the adjourning doors slammed open and Thats stalked out, seething, and wearing a long silken dress.

"So, Thats, you--"

"Nobody. Say. A word."

Rath closed his mouth, turning to Cesia instead.

"Um, so what am I going to wear?"

Cesia grinned, turning back to her closet.

"Lady Raseleane was right. This is fun!"

She retrieved a red tank and handed it to the Knight.

"Here. Try this on, along with those pants that didn't fit Thats."

She shoved him towards the bathroom, and placed a beige skirt in Rune's hands.

"Put that on. Try this too," she casually tossed a loose blouse at him.

"Tell me which one fits better, ok?"

The Elf followed his friend into the bathroom, walking in a wide circle around the glowering Earth Dragon Knight.

The door closed behind him, and Cesia started straightening the remaining items in her closet.

"So, how did you--"

"Shut. Up."

::n::

"Cernozura," the dark haired queen spoke to her friend, "Could you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" the castle administrator's light eyes darted from the queen to the lord and back questioningly.

"Dinner is almost over, and there is still no sign of either the Knights or Cesia," Raseleane explained, "Lykouleon and I have a meeting to attend after this, but we were wondering if you would be able to drop by their rooms briefly, just to see if they are all right."

Cernozura forced herself to smile brightly.

"Of course, your majesty."

I'm perfectly willing to make time in my busy schedule of running the castle to search for four missing persons.

"I don't have anything I must attend to immediately after this meal."

Except for clearing away the dishes, cleaning up the kitchens, doing a basic security sweep of the lower regions of the castle, and making sure that the maids actually do go to bed and that they don't sneak out to party with the Dragon Fighters from block 13.(1)

"So I'd be happy to search for them in your place."

Bite me.

::n::

"Cesia?" Cernozura knocked on the young fortune teller's door.

"Cesia, are you in there? The Lord and Lady were looking for you."

There was no response.

"Cesia?"

She sighed exasperatedly.

More searching. What fun. What high class entertainment.

About to leave, the Castle Administrator suddenly heard the muffled slam of a door and the voice of the part-demon girl.

"Cernozura? Give me a second..."

A brief scuffling sound, then Cernozura could clearly hear Cesia walking across her floor. The door turned, and she was snatched up and pulled into the room.

"Cesia? What's going on--"

"Shh," a hand was clamped over her mouth, "I've got a problem."

Cernozura arched one delicately plucked eyebrow.

"A problem? Why, are the painters--"

Cesia cut her off for the second time, shaking her head.

"No. It's... Similar, but not quite."

"Oh," the young woman thought about this for a moment, then her light eyes widened.

"Oh. Oh, no. Cesia, you poor dear."

When the fortuneteller sent her a baffled look, she continued.

"I know what a shock this must be to you, but, trust me, we have ways to make him pay for all procedures..."

"No!"

Cernozura paused.

"You are keeping the baby?"

Cesia blinked at her.

"What the hell?" she sighed, "Look, you're not going to guess it and I don't want to hear you try," she added as the other woman opened her mouth once more.

"It's... Here," she gestured to her bed, "You better have a seat. The only reason I'm telling you this is because you are one of the few people in the castle who might be able to help us. Now..." she trailed off, mind desperately stalling, "How to best say this. I think it might be best to just ease into it--"

And, as if on cue, the bathroom doors opened, a newly dressed Rath and Rune walking out.

"Cesia?" Rath said, "My stuff fits, but Rune is complaining about the skir--" he stopped immediately as he noticed for the first time the Castle Administrator sitting primly on the bed, her hands clasped in her lap.

There was an awkward silence which Cesia broke.

"...Or not. As you should be able to tell, there was this spell that backfired, and... Thats!" she stood suddenly, striding over to her closet, "Come on out!"

She tossed the doors open, forcing the Knight of Earth to tumble out, loosing his balance and sprawling on the floor in a dark silken dress.

"See?" Cesia asked the other true female in the room, "They've all been turned into..." she stopped, looking at the woman with concern.

"Cernozura? Are you all right?"

The Chief Administrator was staring at her lap, body shaking slightly. Her breathing seemed to be coming harder, and as they watched, she titled her head up...

Took one look around the room, and continued laughing.

Cesia sweatdropped.

"She's taking it rather well."

::n::

(1) Dragon Fighters from Block 13?? Who are they? Well... They are the five young men you commonly see in the series.

13-A: Santiago(Beatle's Hair Cut Boy)- Think Miroku from Inuyasha meets Fred Weasly. But not in trouble as often.

13-B: Sucre/ "La Paz"(Plan Brown Hair Boy)- His personality pretty much

comes across in the series. Go back and look for him in book 8.

13-C: Caracas(Elven/Demon Boy)- He shows himself pretty well, too. Search in book 8.

13-D: Asuncion(Plain Black Hair Boy/ Punk Rocker Boy)- The outbreak of fighting and the loss of his close friend(13-E) caused a personality switch... Duo Maxwell crossed with Rath Illuser crossed with Bierrez....

13-E: Quito(Cute Blonde Boy/Dragon Fighter Zombie Seen In Sabel's Forest)- He's been resurrected for purposes as a side character in this story. Quatre R. Winner mixed with Rune.

These guys are gonna appear randomly on the castle grounds, very rarely by name. I might give a couple of them bigger roles later, but for now, they're just gonna wander about in the background. I just need them for a couple of jokes I've thought up.

Kudos to anyone who can figure out where their names are from!

:n:

Kat: You're at camp. :pouts: Rath was not happy about that... Oh, well. I think you're coming back today. Ok, ok... Evil one of interest. ...That sounded weirder than what it meant. But I will give you all that. ::pictures Cesia snogging Rath: ...Rather rowr, actually. Go Cesia!

Lisasa: I know you are delirious! ::glomps:: And I thought you would know all of that song...

Yavie Aelinel: Yes! Ice cream!!

ojosnegro: Black eyes? Yes, 'Chel's coming. Not now, but she will come. She's gonna come, and she's gonna point, and she's gonna laugh her little heart out. Thanks for the reminder! I don't think you want the long excuse, so let's just stick with my getting stuck on how to start this off, shall we? n.n;; YOU MUST BUY/READ BOOKS 13 ON!!!

Deathangle: ::blinks at and backs away slowly:: Um... Good for you... ::hides Rune:: I shall remember never to turn you into a girl! n-n;

Charna: Duuuuude! Sweeeeeeeeet! ...Um, anyway...

Elfin Kagome: Oooh. God, that bites! ::winces in sympathy:: Lol. Rune and Tintlet songs... I don't have any Dragon Knights fangirls in my classes. I did convert one of my friends, and I do have a DK rping buddy... But neither are in my classes. I've had to settle for going and attempting to convert the cooler seventh graders. It's weird, some of them are actually quite awesome. I'm friends with them. nn;

Flying-Cesia: Thank you! I read your pottery class story, but can't remember if I reviewed or not...

Hououza: Yes, very strange... That is what seems to make it so fun. Ack! Failing Spanish! Need more luck! ...Wait, wait... No longer failing! Grade has risen two letters! Yay! Oh, the wonders of cramming for tests...

insaneoveranime: COOKIE!!! ::pounces on cookie::

Capella: I think they've stopped. Just sulking now. n-n; Yes, Kitchel's gonna want to see this. D ...But Rune DOES look a disturbingly large amount like Tintlett now. oO;;; That's just... Not right...

Eikou: Yup. :evil grin: I wrote more!

Minea: Thanks! I'm trying to be funny... Haven't done a humor fic for a long while...

Rath Lover: I'm glad you do, and I updated! Whee!


	5. Rune ≠ Hooker

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights, as I'm sure you've all been able to figure out by now.

Warnings: Swearing, weirdness, general non PCness. Dragon Fighters. Strange, strange, sexual implications. o.O The swearing is much lighter now. I think they've calmed down.

A/N: Sorry about that long wait. I know people were starting to get impatient... Hopefully the length of this will make up for it? :normally writes crap short chapters: And as you should be able to tell by now, I'm still referring to the Knights as "he" or "him". XD That made parts of this especially hilarious to write. "In the middle of changing out of his second bra..."

Catch the Book Three line?

::n::

"Hey, hey!" Thats tried to get the attention of the girl walking a few paces ahead of him.

"Where are we going?"

Cesia turned around, a slightly exasperated look on her face.

"To Chantel. They have an open market today. It's a good place to buy cheap clothing."

"Yeah, but," Thats mentally winced at the idea of walking all the way to Chantel, "I thought Cernozura was going to be fitting us today?" He said with no little effort. The idea of a fitting in his new body was not one he relished. He had up until that point been concentrating on forgetting about it... Or at least pretending he had. The idea of actively going shopping, however, was currently making the clothing fitting seem attractive. At least all they'd have to do was stand there and be mocked, instead of being mocked while waking around.

Cesia shook her head.

"You boys didn't listen, did you?" she questioned, and as both Rune and Rath also fixed her with curious stares, she elaborated, "You are getting fitted, but only for the more formal outfits you three will require. Clothes for fancy dinners, dresses for balls, that sort of thing. We're going shopping at Alfeegi's request. This will save the castle a lot of money and the maids a lot of time. We're going to buy some more casual outfits for every day use."

Even as she finished, Cesia knew that she had already managed to loose them somewhere.

"Wait... Balls?"

Sighing, she responded.

"Yes, Rath. I know you hate dressing up. It is the Lord and Lady's anniversary this month, however, and they're throwing a fancy party to celebrate '650 years of wedded bliss'."

Rath winced at the overly honeyed words.

"Why weren't we told about this before?"

"Actually," Rune started, looking rather red, "We were. A couple dinners ago they announced it. You came late and missed it, and Thats was too busy arguing with Alfeegi to notice it."

Both the other boys swiveled around to stare at him.

"You knew about this? And you turned us into girls anyway?"

"That was one of the plusses for carrying out the plan," Rune admitted sheepishly.

Thats growled, "Yeah, only your stupid plan backfired!"

Cesia sped up her pace, tuning them out. Ever since she had found them, it seemed that they had done nothing but argue. After seeing the Dragon Lord the previous night to explain the mistake, it seemed that the fights had just become more frequent. Not that she couldn't understand why. Their meeting had not gone as well as might have been hoped.

Its climax had been when Alfeegi, midway through his rant on how they were endangering the castle and the Lord through their antics, made the fatal mistake of saying "breast" instead of "best", effectively sending an already shaky Lykouleon to laughing in conniptions on the floor.

Unable to completely smother the giggle this memory produced, Cesia caught the attention of the still bickering knights.

"What?" Rune snapped, feeling what little patience he still had fading.

The fortuneteller cast about for an excuse.

Attracted to their predicament, it came easily.

"That guard over there." She quickly said, pointing to a young man on watch duty outside the nearing castle gates. "He was checking you out."

She grinned at a furiously blushing Rune, both his companions wearing expressions of delight at this embarrassing development.

Rune followed Cesia's accusing finger to where it lit upon the lone Dragon Fighter. The unknown young man, realizing he had been spotted, immediately looked away, a slight pink flush climbing to his freckled cheeks.

As they continued walking, their path to Chantel taking them through the gates and past the guard in question, none of them spoke a word.

But some of them held more interesting inner monologues than others.

'Oh, God, why is he still looking at me? Look away! Look away, creep! Eep! Whoa now, buddy! These aren't real! Maybe if I don't look at him... lookawaylookawaylookawaylookawaylookawaylookawaylookaway... Okay... Now check. Good, it worked. He's not looking at me. Hey! Why won't he look at me?!'

As they walked though the open gates, the Dragon Fighter continued his game of alternatively staring at and pretending to ignore them. When they were passing directly by his post, however, he, seemingly on impulse, shot out his arm, and grabbed onto Rune's.

"Hey, have I seen you around before?"

"U-um..." if possible, the Half-Elf turned redder.

"No," Cesia scrambled to his rescue, "He... She's new. She's, uh, my friend!"

"Your friend?" the fighter looked skeptically at her.

"Yes... Actually, she's her friend!" Cesia said, grabbing Rath and thrusting him forward.

"This is my cousin, um..."

"Pyore." Rath supplied, using the first female name to come to mind.

"Yes," Cesia continued, "And she's visiting me from the Misty Valley, where I used to live. And these are her friends," she trailed off, looking at Thats and Rune expectantly.

Thats scrambled for a vaguely feminine sounding name.

"Kitchel."

Rath let out a snort of laughter, quickly silenced as two people, one barely holding back her own suppressed giggle, and the other desperately wanting to strangle him, but finding himself unable to do so in front of the still-watching guard.

"And you?" The Dragon Fighter asked, absentmindedly shaking a strand of dirty blonde hair out of his face.

Rune was taken off-guard and replied without thinking.

"My name's Rune."

"Rune," he mused on this, seemingly oblivious to the distressed looks the 'girl' was now shooting her shocked friends.

"It's a pretty name," he finally said, flashing a gleam of white teeth, "For a pretty girl."

Noticing her friend in dire straits, Cesia reached forward and none-too-gently pried the Fighter's hand from Rune's arm.

"We have to be going," she said firmly, "It's a long way to Chantel."

"Hey, do you ladies want an escort?" he asked, a little too eagerly, "I'm on duty now, but I can get my friend to cover for me..."

Cesia began walking away, pulling Rune after her.

"That's all right," she smiled at him, "We wouldn't want to get you in trouble for deserting. C'mon," she muttered to the others, "Hurry up. Let's get out of here before he decides to follow us."

Once they were suitably out of earshot, she rounded on Rune.

"What were you thinking?! Using your own name like that! You do realize it will be only a matter of time before he figures out who you are? No one is supposed to know! Tetheus went through all the trouble of making it seem as though you three were called off to Kuulta on some rumor of demon attacks, and here you go and let it get out that your name's Rune! You are endangering the Dragon Castle!"

Thats sweatdropped.

"Cesia, you sound a little too much like Alfeegi for your own good. Besides," he continued, ignoring the vicious glare sent his way, "Those Dragon Fighters aren't exactly the fastest Darnias in the stable. I doubt he'd put it together, even if he caught Rune summoning the Water Dragon, and making out with Tintlett."

"Like you're the one to talk," Cesia snapped, "Of all the names to use! At least you didn't use your own, but Kitchel's? Trust me on this one, they know who she is. And it isn't you."

He gave her a confused glance.

"They know her?"

Cesia rolled her eyes.

"Remember when she came to the Dragon Castle while collecting the Pieces of the Map?" When he nodded, she continued. "And do you remember how she was here for a full day? What do you think she spent that time doing?"

Correctly interpreting the sudden awkward silence, she felt the beginnings of a headache coming on.

"Not that! She played them Poker, but with a cheat deck. Robbed them of their monthly salary and some."

"Oh."

"Right. And even if that doofus guard didn't remember, I'm sure some of his friends will. And that is going to throw a dent into things."

"Hey," Thats protested, "At least I didn't use my real name."

"That is true," Cesia grudgingly admitted.

Rune felt a fresh surge of guilt wash over him.

"Well is there any way I can fix this? Brainwashing or something?"

Cesia let out a heartfelt sigh, rubbing her temples distractedly.

"No. I don't think there is--"

"Wait!" Thats cut her off, a glint in his sadistic smirk.

"Rath, remember my plan, back when we were in Memphis? On what we should do when we needed more money?"

A light of recognition flickered in the Knight of Fire's eyes, and his mouth twitched up into a mirror image of his friend's.

"I do. And I'm inclined to agree."

"Wh-what?!" Rune looked shocked, "I remember that too, you know! And as funny for you two as it might be, selling me into prostitution is not going to solve anything!"

"We weren't thinking of that..." Thats grinned.

"Not exactly." Upon seeing Cesia's look of utter bewilderment, Rath decided to let their idea out into the open. "We were thinking... Since that Fighter obviously wants a date with Rune, why shouldn't he get it?"

Cesia shook her head, "Rath, that will just get Rune more attention! It's bad enough as it is. Don't go making it worse!"

Rath continued, undeterred.

"We'll send him out on a date, and have him tell the Dragon Fighter that he, Thats, and I are here in secret. We don't want our presence known. We told him our names by mistake, but he is, under no condition, to repeat them. We'll just make Rune convince him to keep his mouth shut, and no one will ever know. No harm done."

"Hmm."

To Rune's dismay, Cesia actually appeared to be considering it.

"It's worth a shot, I suppose. But how will he convince him to keep quiet about it?"

Thats shrugged, "Offer to sleep with him."

The speed of which the boulder came crashing down upon his head was remarkable. Thats later claimed it to be faster than the speed of light, as none of the three had seen it coming, no pun intended. But when the dust cleared, and the bits of granite stopped flying in all directions like shards of silver shrapnel, what was left before them was one royally pissed Rune.

"I. Am. Not. Sleeping with him."

Rath nodded reverently, casting a quick glance at where the large rock lay, still smoldering, a couple inches to his right.

"Right. Rune does not equal Hooker. Gotcha."

::n::

Although the party had left in the early morning, it was mid-afternoon by the time they reached Chantel. The normally crowded streets were even more packed than usual, with a wide array of vendor's carts and bustling cafés filling up most of the market square. Colorful scarfs of pink and golden silk were draped around the booth nearest to them, fragile looking pieces of silver jewelry displayed below. To their other side was a cart packed high with fresh produce, small apples, oranges, and dusty looking grapes.

Villagers, tourists, and store tenders walked everywhere.

"Cesia?" Rath asked, a realization suddenly coming to him, "Won't people recognize us?"

She fought to keep from giggling.

"No, Rath. Trust me on this one. They're way too busy with their own little lives to notice you three. Besides, I seem to recall that you managed to get in drag and sneak past castle guards on occasion. You're much better 'disguised' now."

Remembering what they were there for, she slung her small backpack around, digging inside it's contents and retrieved a heavy, obscenely maroon, money purse.

"Rune, how long did you say this curse would last? A month?"

He nodded.

"Unless something else went wrong when I cast it, yes. It is supposed to last for one full moon cycle."

Midway through opening the moneybag to see exactly how much gold Alfeegi had entrusted them with that was serving to make it so weighty, Cesia paused.

"One moon cycle?"

Rune nodded, looking distractedly around the bustling market square.

The young fortuneteller fought to keep her mouth from twisting up into a non-too-kind smirk, hurriedly hiding her face as she knelt on the ground in pretense of searching through the rest of her pack.

Thats caught her suspicious actions, and, against his better judgment, decided to inquire.

"What's so funny?"

She straightened up again, determinedly looking away from the other three, and pretending to scout out potential shopping destinations.

"What do you mean?" Not quite able to keep the snicker out of her voice, she made an abrupt change of topic in a hope to distract them.

"That store looks nice. Let's look there. Okay?" Pulling her bag on properly again, and grabbing hold of Rath's hand, she quickly made her way through the crowds, the others following.

The store in mention was, while considerably larger than the vendors' carts of satin and specialty items, rather small compared to a decent sized restaurant or bar.

A steady trickle of female customers wound their way in and out of it's wide glass doors, some noticeably born down by packages and stuffed shopping bags.

Cesia beamed, and all three boys simultaneously gulped.

"Yes, I think this will be a nice place to start!"

"Start...?" Thats muttered to Rath, shooting the girl next to them a dubious look.

"Just how much clothing do we need, anyway?"

Cesia thought on this a moment, before coming to the reasonable answer.

"As much as I say you do. It's not like you three can ditch me and head back to the castle whenever you want. You're supposed to be from out of town, so you won't be able to get back into the castle, or at least into the inner chambers, without me. Looks like you girls," she added unnecessary emphasis onto that end word, "are stuck with me."

Rune let out a silent groan.

He would be in heaven right now, watching the other two in fits of glee, if only he hadn't screwed up that damn incantation. Sighing and somewhat resigned to his fate, he trailed after Thats, bringing up the rear of their disgruntled party.

The inside of the store was just as crowded as the market place outside, with rows of clothing crammed into every corner of the room.

Squeezing past a middle-aged maternal woman, Cesia lead them into one of the many rows, taking a look at the many garments surrounding her. A wicked gleam crept to her eye.

"I think we'd better start with the basics," she stated, rummaging through the clothing before her, "And that means..." she pulled a particular white lacy item off the row and holding it up to Rath, who had the distinct misfortune to be the closest to her, "Underwear shopping."

Rath blanched.

"Wh-what?" He asked in a voice that sounded far too high, even taking his new body into account.

"What do you mean? You three need it." Cesia stated matter-of-factly, looking them over.

"Once we get you some things here, we can move on to other clothing."

She resumed her search through the messily sorted underwear, the realization slowly dawning on her that having another actual female around to help out would be very useful.

"Shit," the fortuneteller cursed under her breath, "You boys... Uh, girls don't happen to see your namesakes around anywhere, do you?"

Rath shook his head, awkwardly holding the lacy bra thrust at him, absentmindedly toying with the too-large cups.

"Not unless you mean Rune."

"Pyore's probably in Costa Rica village," Thats added in, not sure if the thought of being surrounded by woman's underwear was more funny or scary, "And don't even mention Kitchel. You're going to jinx us."

Cesia sighed, "Right. Having someone to help me with this would be so much easier, though."

She shrugged it off.

"It's crowded today, but if we're lucky, we can possibly squeeze into a changing room."

A small selection already in her arms, she started to make her way towards the back of the shop, the other three reluctantly following. As she occasionally stopped to search through other shelves for another choice, Thats suddenly realized something.

"Rath," he whispered, "The hell she knows what size we wear?"

"I was wondering that myself, actually," Rune said, having overheard the muffled question, "Do you think we should ask her?"

Not waiting for an answer, Rath immediately called ahead to Cesia, now bending over, examining the label on a black cotton number.

"Cesia? We were wondering, how do you know what to get for us?"

"Oh," she seemed slightly uncomfortable with that question, "Actually, I don't." Before complaints could be voiced, she continued. "I'm guessing, but I think I'm pretty close. I'm just not exactly certain about some... Details." As Rath opened his mouth, undoubtedly to press her for what sort of 'details', she hurriedly spoke again.

"Now come on. That dressing room looks like it's available. Go in there."

"Wait, all of us?" Rune asked, slightly panicked.

"Yes, all of you. You're all girls, aren't you?" A tinge of irritation crept into her voice. "It's not a big deal. Now go!" With surprising strength, she shoved Rath into the small stall, beckoning for the other two to follow him.

Rune and Thats simultaneously looked at each other, gave a nervous shrug, and followed her pointing finger into the cramped changing room, jumping slightly as the door was slammed behind them.

As soon as the flimsy door had been closed, Cesia, still standing outside, began sorting through the items she already held.

"Here, Rune, I want you to try this on." She said, reaching up and gently lobbing a rather-too-sheer (in Rune's opinion) bra through the wide space between the top of the door and the ceiling.

In a similar process, she managed to deliver the items for the Knights of Fire and Earth, and it wasn't until sending over the third-or-so article for Rath that something out of the ordinary happened.

In the middle of changing out of his second bra, Rath heard Cesia announce the incoming of another, and just barely managed to catch it before it hit the floor. Shrugging out of the last article and hanging it loosely on one of the many hooks protruding out of the door, he never took a closer look at the newest one until right about to try it on.

Thats heard the muffled "eep", and turned away from the wall he had been studiously facing, taking a wary glance towards Rath while still attempting to fasten his bra properly.

"What?" He asked, then noticed what Rath was staring at. "Holy shit. It's like a hooker bra."

At this, Rune turned around, eyes immediately landing on the aforementioned article of thin black lace.

There was a long silence.

"Wow," Rune ended up offering lamely.

Thats nodded, now grinning slightly.

"Yeah, Cesia must still love you. I mean, you're not even the one with the hot date coming up."

Outside the changing room, Cesia had been listening carefully to the dead still, and winced when there were suddenly two loud thwacks and a muffled swearing. As the noise of a brief scuffle drew to an end, probably the result of the two-too-many bodies in the small dressing room making it near impossible to draw back one's fist for a punch without smacking one's elbow on the plaster wall, she spoke.

"Calm down in there!"

"Calm down?!" Rath called back, mentally gagging at the shrillness of his own voice, "You want me to try on a... A sexy bra!"

Willing herself not to burst out laughing at his wording, and to not point out that she herself had worn a model almost exactly like it in front of him before, Cesia calmly responded.

"I just wanted to see if you fit the same size in that brand. They tend to run a little small, so I wasn't too sure."

"Well I'm not wearing it," Rath declared, shoving it back over the top of the door.

"Fine." Cesia took it from him, placing it in the steadily growing 'reject pile' by her feet. "I actually thought you might like it. I've always figured that if you were a girl, you'd wear the same things as me. And that," she stated, "Is exactly the sort of thing that I wear, as you should very well know."

Inside the changing room, two pairs of eyes widened and turned to look at the boy turned girl standing topless between them.

Rath flushed furiously.

"She doesn't mean it like that!" He insisted, to no avail.

"Sure."

"Whatever you say."

:n:

An hour later showed the four slightly bedraggled members of the Dragon Tribe leaving the small store.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I never want to see another pair of woman's underwear in my life," Thats muttered under his breath to Rath.

Rath bit back all jabs about cross dressing, and responded with the more mature approach.

"Same. But it looks like we'll be seeing a lot more of them."

"Isn't that the truth," Rune sighed, falling into step with them. "I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to Tintlett."

Thats looked at him, surprised.

"You're actually going to tell her?"

"Of course!" Rune looked almost scandalized. "A good relationship is built upon trust, and that means no keeping secrets! How can I expect her to be truthful, if I'm not truthful in turn?"

"Bets that he just doesn't want her to find out from a drunken Kai-Stern?" The Dragon Knight of Earth asked to no one in particular.

Rath snorted behind his hand, and Rune was about to retaliate, when they caught sound of Cesia's panicked voice.

"Shit! I lost the money!"

"What?!"

That was immediately searching through her bag, trying without result to find the mysteriously missing purse, still filled with solid gold coins.

"Damn." He cursed, then turned to look at the girl still standing next to him, now checking her pockets. "Where did you last see it?"

"We bought the stuff, then I put it back in here," a note of frantic worry cut into her voice, "Shit, that was supposed to last us the rest of your wardrobes!"

"Was it stolen?" Rune asked, bending over to help his friend search through the bag.

Thats suddenly stiffened, eyes wide.

"Don't tempt fate!" He hissed at the elf, turning around to look through the masses of people. After a moment's scan, he appeared to be satisfied, and resumed his search.

"Fuck, Cesia, you were right. It's gone."

She sighed.

"Great. I suppose we'd better head back then, unless you want to search for it."

Thats shook his head.

"Nah. Whoever stole it will be long gone."

:n:

Meanwhile, by a small vendor's cart, not thirty feet away, Kitchel tossed a small money bag from hand to hand, tracing her fingers over it's deep pink velvet.

She grinned to herself.

"That was almost too easy."

Her triumphant smirk broadening, she shook off the feeling that her unwitting victim had been one she knew, and turned to the elderly man behind the stand.

"I'd like to take a look at that necklace."

:n:

Random Note... I originally planned on turning all the guys into girls, and then also turning a bunch of the girls into boys. I obviously decided against that, ne?

:n:

Kat(Ho): o.o Um. Riiiiight... :won't ask: And, meh. :sticks out tongue: The books are in black and white. Her eyes can be whatever color I say they are. :shifty:

Capella: :mega sweatdrop: Um... Well, I wasn't planning on putting Nohiro in here. But now that you mentioned it... Nah, joking. Rune's got enough to deal with, what with that Dragon Fighter(SANTIAGO!! :cheers/laughs:) and all.

:spazzing: CAPELLA!!! I FOUND A PICTURE THAT YOU NEED TO SEE! NOW!!! :wants to send, but cannot: ARRRRRGH!! I just found it by mistake, and it's a spoiler, and the words have been written on, but they sound like they could be a real quote from the series, and you being the RunexTintlett fan, NEED TO SEE THIS!!! :freaking out: Ohmyfuckinggodohmyfuckinggodohmyfuckinggod... ...Actually, you may not want to see it. It's um. I'm not sure. I need to know the background, what happened, whether the quote is REAL... ...And trust me. It's nothing like what you think. :still spazzing:

Sarehptar: :blinks: ...I don't know, actually. :confused: Umm... Because I play with them on my Scantron tests, and 13 is the traditional unlucky number...?

ShadowDown: :bows: Thank you! I try to make them weird!

Hououza: As you may have noticed, he thought it was hilarious. Alfeegi thought it was bad. So did Tetheus. ...And, yes, I'm taking the easy way out and reviving everybody for my own purposes. :sweatdrop: Ah, the Author's Powers...

Minea: n-n Thanks!

Ojos Negro: She came. But she didn't notice them. Yet. :evil smile:

Yavie Aelinel: So, so, so true! :loves all mentioned: PiPpIn RuLeZ yOu!!!1!!!!!11!!!one!!!!!

Eikou: nn; Actually, I have no clue what their real names are. I just call them that. Quito DIED, though. :obsessive about that: And then he wanted Kitchel's body. o.O;

:n:

Mice are prone to obesity.

Make sure your mouse gets it's daily exercise, and click the review button!!


	6. The voices tell me to kill Kitchel

Disclaimer: Look at this story. Look at what it's a parody of. I obviously don't own Dragon Knights. I mean, if I did, I'd probably feel no need to go screwing with my own characters.

Warnings:cracks up: I... I can't say... XDDD But swearing, more swearing, sadistic author's powers... I love you, Thats. Really. I do. :is having too much fun with this: ...Same goes for you, Rune. XDDDD

A/N: All that needs to be said is in the warning... XD

:n:

"Come on," Thats urged, feeling a distinct desire to get out of possible sight of whomever it was that robbed them. "Let's go, already."

"This isn't like you," Rune remarked, handing Cesia her backpack, "Normally you'd want to hunt down the thief and personally insure that he got what was coming to him."

"It's not a 'he' that I'm worried about," The Knight of Earth muttered, impatiently scanning the crowds once again. Then, louder, "Yeah, well, how do you suggest we find anyone in this mess? Besides, any smart thief would have fled by now."

An evil glint appeared in Cesia's eyes.

"But I feel bad about losing the money. How about this: I'm the castle's fortuneteller, I could just do a quick reading..."

"No!" Thats snatched at her arm, as if fearing her seeing-crystal to materialize there. "I mean... That would be impractical. Why don't we just... Go back to the castle... And have Alfeegi post flyers, or something? You know he'd love that."

"About as much as he'd love skinning you alive," Rath pointed out, prying his hands off the Yokai girl.

Thats countered, "There are fates worse than death at the hands of a pmsing White Dragon Officer."

Cesia rolled her eyes heavenwards.

"Oh, the irony."

"Shut up."

Becoming increasingly aware that they were taking up much of the crowded town square, Rune finally spoke.

"Could we move? Please?" He gestured towards a slightly less peopled area around some nearby vendors carts. "This place is making me claustrophobic." As if to prove his point, their already small circle drew tighter together as a flood of people washed out of a nearby restaurant.

Patience wearing thin once again, Rath strode off in the direction indicated, leaving the others no choice but to follow him or lose their Dragon Knight of Fire and heir to the throne in a cramped market place.

"Oy!" Thats hurried after him, "C'mon, let's just leave. Head back, already!"

Rath was shoved roughly to the side by the moving crowds, stumbling back from the carts into another body, then pushed forward once again.

"You know," he said, rubbing his arm where someone had run into him, "That's starting to sound like a better idea every minute."

"Of course."

Thats stepped up next to him.

"So let's go." He said, almost pleadingly.

Cesia sighed as she and Rune finally caught up to Rath's dead-end escape plan.

"Look, if you want to that badly, we can leave. But on your head be it when Alfeegi finds out about the money."

"Yes. Of course," Thats said, obviously relaxing. "So we're agreed? We can go back to the castle?" When he was met with no complaints from any of the others, he spun around on his heel shoving his way back through the crowd. Finding it as densely packed as before, the Dragon Knight of Earth started to squeeze through the masses, Rath directly behind him.

"Oof. 'Scuse me..." he muttered, accidentally bumping into someone heading in the opposite direction. "Sorry."

The 'someone' stopped in her tracks, almost dropping the maroon money bag she was swinging from her fingers. Her green eyes snapped onto his, unnaturally wide.

"...Thats!"

:n:

Lykouleon looked up from his desk work.

"That's queer."

"What is, Ly... Lord Lykouleon?" Ruwalk asked distractedly, barely remembering add official dignity to his friend's name. A slightly aggravated glare from the White Dragon Officer proved he had anticipated this near slip-up.

The Lord shook his head, white-blonde hair falling into his face.

"I thought I heard someone laughing."

:n:

"Kitchel!" Cesia roughly shoved Rune to one side, sending him flying, and looked over at the other girl.

"When did you get back?"

The thief looked as though she was barely biting back a laugh as she slowly took in first Thats, then Rath and Rune, now being helped to his feet by a passerby.

"U-um... Rath, Rune... Th-Thats..."

This idea seemed to be too much for her, and she doubled over laughing hysterically, lithe form shaking with her sadistic giggles.

"...Kitchel?"

Thats shook his head, glaring at Dusis in general.

"It's useless. She's not gonna stop for a while."

His- her?- feet kicked at the ground, an idea slowly dawning upon him.

"Cesia?"

"Yes?"

"...Can we just leave her here?"

"What the..." Cesia stared at him, "No! I want to talk to her."

"Great job, shit head," Rath muttered. "You've just found her a partner in crime. And the gold. We're never gonna leave now."

"Rath..." Cesia started, giving the knight a disapproving look.

He stubbornly glared back. "What? Seems to me mighty ironic that missus 'let's leave now before we run into anybody' was the one who attracted the attention of someone we know. And further more"

A vein on Thats' forehead began to twitch slightly. Turning suddenly from his friend to Kitchel, he snapped at her insistent laughter.

"This is why I didn't want to find her! I knew she was gonna laugh at our asses!"

There was a brief lull in the sniggers as Kitchel composed herself enough to start to word her response.

"Hey... Wh-what's to laugh about...?" She began to snicker again. "Y-you've got a... VERY ni-nice... Ass..." Her shaky voice became muffled by hysterical laughter.

The others sweatdropped.

"...Right."

:n:

"You majesty, would you stop that?" an irate Alfeegi ground out, trying to hold on to his quickly ebbing away temper.

Lykouleon jerked his head back from staring searchingly around the room.

"But I can still hear it..."

"You know," Ruwalk cocked his head to one side, boredly tipping back in his chair, his feet propped up on the mountain of unfinished paperwork on his desk. Any distraction was welcome from the monotony of filling out forms and rewriting old reports. Even if it envolved his best friend acting like a lunatic. Heck. Especially then. "I don't hear anything. Maybe you should get your ears checked?"

:n:

As Kitchel slowly began to calm down, Cesia tried her luck at starting up a conversation once again.

"When did you get back?"

The other girl straightened, wiping her flowing eyes with the back of her gloved hand.

"Earlier today. I went to the castle, checked in, and mentioned something about needing to get some shopping done. One of the guards practically castrated himself at the chance to come along."

It was then that they noticed a distinct lack of one Dragon Knight of Water.

"Uh..." Rath sweatdropped, keeping his arms carefully crossed over his chest, "What did this Dragon Fighter look like?"

"Sandy brown hair, about shoulder length," Kitchel gestured, sniggering at Rath's pose and question. "Why? Now that you're a girl, you're crushing on other guys?" She paused, suddenly thoughtful. "Would that make you straight or gay?"

The other tensed, reddening significantly.

"What the...? No! It's just... There was this one Fighter that was hitting..." he trailed off, looking over her shoulder.

"Well," Cesia spoke up, "Looks like we've found Rune."

:n:

"No, my Lord, I can find nothing wrong with them, as far as I can tell."

Ruwalk was standing in the hallway, sniggering, an uncomfortable and irritated Alfeegi next to him.

"...I didn't think he'd actually take me seriously."

They were 'overhearing' a conversation between Lykouleon and Dr. Avis Laira, the castle physician through a very slightly ajar door.

"Are you certain?"

"As much as I can be, my Lord."

"Ear wax, maybe?"

"I don't believe so, my Lord."

Alfeegi glared at his companion. Ruwalk was in near fits of glee at the scene playing out before them, his clenched fist pressed against his mouth to muffle any rouge giggles.

"Raseleane will kill you."

The Yellow Dragon Officer shook his head roughly.

"This is so worth it."

:n:

It was very nearly possible to see the steam rising off the elf in a mixture of embarrassment and rage.

It seemed that the Dragon Fighter Kitchel had befriended was indeed the one who they had spoken to earlier, and it seemed that he was intent on 'befriending' Rune, as well.

At least, that was one excuse for why he was holding him from behind, and for why it was nearly impossible to tell where one of them stopped and the other began. Although it didn't really explain why he was staring in unabashed attraction down the other's shirt.

Kitchel had also turned around to stare by this point, and was dropping her face into her cupped hands.

"Santiago... Remember that little talk we had about appropriate behavior?"

There was a unanimous flinch as Rune, quite fed up with it all, spun around and slapped the young man on the cheek, pushing him off.

"Lecher!"

"Ow!" He grabbed his face, tentatively feeling the stinging welt. Then he grinned. "Feisty, eh?"

Cesia sent Kitchel a sidelong glance.

"You just had to take him with you."

"Hey," she protested, "I didn't know he liked Rune. And I sure as hell didn't know you all went and screwed with your genders!"

"He doesn't know that," Rath muttered as a warning. "So don't tell him."

"No one's supposed to know," Cesia elaborated. "Supposedly the Dragon Knights are on a mission in Kuulta, and I'm entertaining some guests from the Misty Valley."

The female thief nodded, and was about to speak when Santiago noticed the others for the first time.

"Hey! Cesia, Pyore," he nodded in their general direction, "Kitchel."

"Huh?" The 'real' Kitchel jerked her head up to stare at him, confused.

Next to her, Thats stiffened, a flush rising to his cheeks.

Her eyes darted to the guard, followed his line of vision, and landed upon the ex-con slightly behind her.

She snickered once more.

"Heh... K-Kitchel..."

:n:

"...Uh."

Ruwalk sweatdropped.

"Lykouleon? You realize that once Alfeegi gets back, he's going to have your skin. Right?"

No response.

"...Right?"

The Dragon Lord noticed his old friend speaking to him for the first time, and nodded vaguely.

"Hey, Ruwalk?" He spoke a little louder than normal, but seemed unaware of this fact. "You were right! Playing Rath's music on high really does kill the laughter!"

Ruwalk buried his head beneath a teetering pile of paperwork. "I had nothing to do with this. Remember that when Alfeegi comes back."

Lykouleon tapped the thick black headphones that were completely covering his ears, not seeming to notice their vibrating slightly with the high intensity of the volume.

"Can't hear you! Music is too loud!"

:n:

The young guard looked thoroughly perplexed.

"What's so funny?"

"Um..." Cesia searched for an excuse, one that would also explain away the oddity of both girls having the same name.

"Kitchel... Uh... Yeah. She just..." At a total lost, she snatched up Rune's hand. "Rune should be the one to explain it to you. She wanted to tell you something, anyway." There was a menacing emphasis on the last six words. "Didn't you?"

Rune flinched as his hand was squeezed painfully tight. There really should be a rule against having fingernails that long or pointed.

"I..." He sent a pleading look over his shoulder, just to meet the gazes of two very homicidal looking Knights.

"Oh, for crying out loud..." He turned back to face the Dragon Fighter, resignation drawn all over his face.

"Santiago. I like you. You are one sexy stud." He drawled so tensely that it made your teeth hurt.

"Please. Date me."

Kitchel stopped laughing abruptly at this statement, staring in what might have been wonder, but could just as easily have been shock at Rune.

The guard gaped back in amazement. Apparently he never knew getting a girlfriend could be this easy.

"...Really?"

"Yes!" Rune snapped. Gods, it was bad enough that he was being made to do this, did he really need to be interrogated as well?

The shocked Dragon Fighter stared for another moment, then seemed to realize what had just happened.

"Really!" His eyes lit up, "Fantastic! I can't wait until I tell the others all about you!"

"Uh-hum, yes. About that. Rune?" Cesia looked at the elf meaningfully. "Perhaps this would be a good time to tell your boyfriend," there was a snicker from Rath and Kitchel, "All that you have to. Right?"

Rune winced, visibly paler.

Shit.

:n:

"You did what!"

Ruwalk involuntarily flinched, scooting his chair backwards.

"Nothing! I didn't do anything!"

"You deafened our lord!" Alfeegi accused. This was not his day. He had left to see to the rumors that Kai-Stern had left the castle early, just to return to find the Dragon Lord with temporary hearing loss.

At least, he hoped it was temporary.

"Why on Dusis did you suggest for him to blast his eardrums out!"

"I didn't!" An incriminated Ruwalk wailed. "I just said that maybe he should listen to something besides the little voice in his head!"

"Great," Alfeegi glowered, "So you are implying that he has..." he struggled to find a politically correct and properly respectful term, "A... A... Disorder... A problem with telling fantasy from reality!"

The other man winced.

"No... But... He's hearing voices that no one else does!"

"Not any more," The White Dragon Officer pointed out, gesturing towards their Lord, currently watching them with a bemused and slightly lost expression, "Now he doesn't hear anything!"

:n:

"Have fun!" Cesia forced herself to smile, waving after the retreating forms of the Dragon Fighter and a very distraught Rune.

"I'm sure we will!" He beamed back at her, seemingly unaware that his "date" was most reluctant to follow him anywhere, much less enjoy herself while doing so.

The fortuneteller turned back to the other three. "Right. This is perfect. Rune'll take care of your little slip-up, and now that Kitchel is here, we can get you two some clothes!"

Kitchel grinned.

"Yeah, sorry about the money thing. I didn't realize it belonged to you."

Cesia was now back in possession of the purse, and was dividing it's contents into two equal amounts. "It's all right. Actually, now that you're here, we can split up. I'll take Rath and you can Thats and," she dumped one of the two piles of golden coins into the other girl's outstretched hands, "Half the money. You think four hours will be enough time to get everything they'll need?"

The two boys blanched. Four hours!

Kitchel pondered her friend's question. "Yeah, that should be pretty good, though we'll be a little rushed. How much stuff do they need? And what sort of stuff?"

Rath turned to Thats, a bewildered expression glued on his face.

"A little rushed? Four hours, and she says we'll be a little rushed!"

"Well, they'll need some regular outfits," Cesia explained, "Their normal clothes don't fit them, obviously, and Cernozura's agreed to have them fitted for the more formal outfits they'll need. And I already took them underwear shopping."

The thief smirked.

"That must've been fun."

Rath had been previously unaware that Cesia had been capable of such a wicked grin.

"Oh, of course."

She shook herself out of her sadistic frame of mind. "But it was also a lot of work. I mean, finding clothes for three people is difficult enough, but when none of them know what size they are, or even how the stuff is supposed to fit? It was a nightmare."

"Not able to find anything for yourself?"

"Not a black lacy thing."

She brightened up. "But now that you're here, it'll all go so much faster. Just find enough clothing to last for a month. Shoes would probably be a good idea, too."

Kitchel nodded, slipping her share of the money into her jacket pocket.

"What about Rune?"

"I'll find some things for him. Rath still fits some of his clothes, so we'll need to buy less."

"One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Why the hell is Thats in a ball gown?"

:n:

...:sweatdrop: Yes, I used my precious little Dragon Fighters in here. A lot. ...What? I needed someone for that role, and everyone else was busy, I swear! I mean, who would you suggest in his place? Unless you want me to dig up Gil, or someone... As I have sworn not to use Nohiro...

Besides, isn't he cute? XD

:n:

Charna: n-n That WOULD be good... :starts to ponder, then remembers that it's a little late to write that in: Ah, well.

crazy-meowmeow: I think Rune looks quite masculine in the more recent books. ...But that might just be all the fighting. :sweatdrop: I know what you mean, though.

ojosnegro: See? Kitchel. n-n And... Well... Rune's phrasing really didn't help any...

Kodachi1: o.o REALLY! Wow... I... I feel honored... There was more Lykouleon in there. ... And you should try make them read DK... :evil grin:

Capella: You DID get e-mail:should know by now...: Oh, Rath? Same here, actually. :sweatdrop: In my mind, Rath looks virtually the same... Only with slightly longer hair, and a little shorter, and with a more "girly" face...

Eikou: ...How far are you? You get to Books 11 and 12 yet:dreamy eyes: Those are, by far, the most -intense- ones yet...

Elven Kagome: Hehe... It's nice to convert people, isn't it? "PWRPWSYuki"? ...Uh... What does that mean?

ShadowDown: I personally think this was a decent update... But since people were complaining already, I guess it wasn't. :sweatdrop: Ah, well.

DragonessFei: ...I'm a bit sadistic in this, I know... :nervous laugh: I've been meaning to ask this for a while... You watch Gundam Wing? Because... Your name... o.O

Shadowess: XDD I would so use that... Except... Uh... And, YOU! You were the one who kept bringing this fic up. :mock anger:

Peophin-chan:sadistic grin: I know. Really, though. They were just asking for it, going in drag all those times... One would think he'd read the fine print on those pesky curses, but noooo...

:n:

Now, before you review (because I KNOW you will...) I just want to say that I'd really like it if you told me which parts of this you liked the most. Because I'd like to know what you found funny. Kinda hard for me to tell, since I'm the one writing it...

...Anyone catch the Inuyasha reference? XD


	7. Y turns to X! With PLOTS!

Disclaimer: I take Spanish. I can't speak a single comprehensive sentence of Japanese. I think it's safe to assume that I don't own Dragon Knights. ...Wait, wait. I can say "I like your pants". Yes! I MUST be Mineko Ohkami! XDDD

Warnings: Swearing, female issues. Hence the other warning. :nervous grin, starting to edge away from the Knights: ...And it has mutated and grown a plot:spazzes: Oh-em-gee... o-o; No offense to Kharl lovers meant. We all know he's really going commando beneath that kickass robe of his.

A/N: This chapter is, admittedly, not as funny as the last ones. This is because I actually did want to put in character development, and while there are still jokes and humorous situations at the Knights'(Rath's...) expense, I did dedicate a large portion of this to making this story a little more realistic. Or at least, as realistic as a story like this can actually be.

:n:

"This way, this way, this way!" Kitchel headed through the quickly moving crowds, tightly dragging Thats behind her. "There's this great bargain shop over here."

"How... The hell do you... Find your way... Through here?" The Knight of Earth managed to get out, dodging and weaving through the waves of shoppers. "It's a maze!"

A wicked light glimmered in the female thief's eyes. "A true shopper can smell a sale a mall away."

Thats sighed, rolling his green eyes towards the draping banners overhead. "Spare me."

"Please," Kitchel grinned, slipping between an interlocked couple, "You're just jealous."

"Jealous?" He raised an unbelieving eyebrow, choosing to walk around the two lovers, "How on Dusis could I be jealous of that?"

She stopped outside a relatively small store, signs in its polished windows blasting news of discounts and rollbacks in bolded red print. Its twin glass doors were wide open, a vast variety of clothing visible through them.

"You're jealous because shopping is just a fancier, more feminine term for thievery," she said, giving a taunting nod to a startled and slightly off-put passerby, "You're just looking for the most valuable item that's the easiest to get to. You pay a price in both activities. Only when shopping you pay with gold: Not with a night spent running from the authorities after accidentally triggering some antitheft spell. Being able to sense a bargain deal uses the same abilities as being able to sense a good gig."

He gave her another skeptical look as she led the way into the store.

"What are you talking about? There's no way those two are the same."

"Trust me. They are."

"Yeah, right."

"Look, Thats," she put on a winning smile, "It's not like you would know, is it?"

"No. I suppose not," he relented, boredly staring around the inside of the shop.

"Of course not." Her smile turned into a taunting smirk, "Because if your thieving abilities are anything to go by, you must be an utterly crap shopper."

The Knight jerked his gaze from the racks of clothing to the taunting girl standing beside him. "What?" he asked, disbelief and irritation clouding his voice.

"In short, that I am a far better thief than you can ever hope to be." Her tone was carelessly teasing, a definite note of challenge to her words.

"I rule. You don't."

"Is that so?" He turned to completely face her, smiling slightly through gritted teeth. "And what about the time the Dragon Lord caught you searching his hallways for gold?"

A nearby poorly-advised pink and yellow cardigan was singed by the sudden eruption of flames behind the two standing by the doorway.

"Is that a challenge?"

Thats merely stared back, the glare of competition flickering to life in his slightly narrowed eyes.

"Heh," Kitchel's smirk twitched, "In that case," she deftly tossed the moneybag she had received from Cesia, still containing half the gold, to Thats. "There's your money. You must buy at least ten tops; at least ten skirts or pairs of pants, both short and long; at least one dress; more than one swimsuit; at least seven pairs of socks, different types; and at least four sets of shoes. All articles of clothing must fit appropriately and be relatively in style." The girl glanced up at the clock hanging from the store's wall. "You have four hours to complete that list."

She watched him open the purse, hefting it slightly to get a feel for how much money it contained.

"Ready?" The flames leapt higher, "Go."

:n:

Cesia rifled through the row of skirts.

"Your pants still fit you, right, Rath?"

The boy glanced down at himself, then remembered he wasn't wearing his own clothing. "They're a little long. Other than that, they do."

She nodded, taking a short fluttery skirt off the rank and holding it up against him. "Hold onto this. It matches your eyes."

Rath blinked down at the material, wondering how the hell a piece of cotton and gauze could look match his eyes.

"That means we only need to buy you some skirts," Cesia continued, walking towards another rack of clothing, "Since we also need to save some of the gold to buy clothing for Rune."

She winced at the way his name rung on the air. "I do feel bad for him, though. I hope he's not having too much trouble."

"Trouble?" Rath snorted, "You sent him to swim with the metaphorical sharks, wearing naught but a hamburger-scented cleavage-revealing string bikini! Of course he's having trouble."

Cesia blinked, then raised an eyebrow at the muttering boy standing behind her.

"You feeling okay?"

He glared. "Why do you ask?"

She rolled her gaze, mouthing under her breath, "Bit-chy..." It then struck her who she was talking about, and she fought to stifle a giggle. Quickly changing the topic, she asked in turn, "So do you see anything you want to try on? What sort of things are we looking for?"

"I don't know," Rath snapped, the inquiries not doing much for his current frame of mind. "I thought you were the one who was supposed to know what we were trying to find."

Cesia began digging deeper through the clothing, "Just looking for input, Rath. I know you're upset, but don't take your issues out on me."

The black-haired boy glared, but held his tongue.

A moment later, Cesia straightened up.

"Here. I want you to try these two on along with that one. Also," she snatched two different sizes of a deep violet tank off a nearby shelf, "These. Tell me which one fits you better," she said, ushering him off in the direction of the changing rooms, "Be sure to tell me if any of the skirts are too big as well, okay?"

For the second, and that was twice too many in Rath's mind, time that day, the demon fighter found himself shoved into a dressing stall, a small heap of clothing in his arms.

"Ow!" His voice was clearly audible outside the thin door, "You pushed me into the mirror!"

"Sorry," Cesia called, her voice so sickeningly cheerful that the Knight doubted she felt the least bit of remorse, "And try on that red skirt first. Show me when you have it on," she continued, "It's cute!"

Muttering grimly to himself, Rath uncomfortably began to undo the borrowed pair of white caprice.

"Well?" The half-demon fortuneteller impatiently called, "Do you have it on yet?"

There was a moment of long silence before Rath responded.

"N-no. No..." another pause, "Cesia... H-hold on a second."

The girl blinked, totally dumbfounded at the stall.

What the hell was going on in there?

:n:

:n:

"Dam nit," Thats swore to himself, combing the narrow isles of the store.

It wasn't that he felt the task set before him was too difficult or challenging, simply that it was near impossible to navigate a crowded store in a sweeping skirt.

He groaned inwardly, disentangling the material from a grasping metal hanger for the umpteenth time.

"Why don't you just buy a pair of pants, or something?" Kitchel asked, head cocked to one side as she strolled behind, accidentally-on-purpose trodding on the black trail to reenforce her point.

"I'm trying to," Thats responded irritatedly, "But the cash register is across the room, and I keep..." he unstuck himself yet again, "Getting tangled."

The girl sighed.

"Give them here. The black ones? I told you, the orange ones were a sin to humanity." She looked approvingly at the article of clothing passed to her. "These are nice, though. The cut looks good on you."

"Okay," The Knight of Earth crossed his arms, "Are you going to discuss my ass, or are you going to do help me out?"

"Touchy," Kitchel said in a singsong voice as she easily slipped past him and made her way to the register, "You should be thanking me."

"Thank you." He grudgingly admitted as she pressed the newly bought item into his hands. "Now for a shirt..."

He snatched up a nearby green spagetti strap top. "This'll work."

Kitchel tore it from his hands. "No. Take that one."

"What the...? Why?" He asked, looking from her to the shirt. "You said I was supposed to do the shopping."

She crossed her arms. "I have that one. Get the other shade."

Sending her a look clearly reading "you've GOT to be kidding me", he dropped it pointedly back on the shelf, picking up the matching one in a brighter color.

"Are you happy now? I'm sorry for not realizing that 'in style' referred to anything you didn't already own."

She stuck her tongue out as she maneuvered past him once again to pay for the article of clothing.

"Bollocks," Thats muttered, finally sliding out of the narrow isle to wait beside the meager changing area. He sighed, running a hand through his brown hair, then shook his head.

It felt so awkward.

Well, besides the obvious. The new height and sizes were still taking some getting used to, not to mention the breasts. God, his previous thoughts on them had been along the lines of "Nice. Mm, okay. Cute. Ick, no. Hell, yeah.", and now? He shifted uncomfortably, leaning back against the wall of the changing rooms.

How would one describe it?

On the one hand it was interesting, from a purely scientific view point, of course. On the other, it was so amazingly... Uncomfortable.

Not that that was the only change. Hell, no.

The Knight of Earth grimaced at the ceiling.

It was however, as far as he was willing to contemplate in public with the not-that-unrealistic threat of mind-readers and the like lurking about in the shadows of department store dressing rooms and clothing aisles.

A strand of brown hair slipped out of his messy ponytail to dangle in his face.

Yes, that was another change. Thats briefly wondered how Rune had managed to stay so calm about it when his hair had grown by a couple feet during a power surge later attributed to Cesia that ended one of the first direct attacks on the castle. In this case, his had only grown about six inches, but it was still too confusing and different from before.

He sighed again, tucking the wayward strand behind his ear.

At least those had stayed the same.

He was shaken out of his revive by the bright material that was thrust in his face.

"C'mon, go change!" Kitchel beamed, shoving the newly bought shirt into his hands and sliding him over to the nearest empty stall.

He rolled his eyes, stepping inside and latching the door behind him. "I suppose we can't just leave the dress here?"

"No way. You know how much we could sell it for?"

Even from inside the stall, Thats could hear the glimmer in her eyes.

Ignoring her muted figurings and ramblings on where would be the best place to sell the silken item, he concentrated on instead stripping it off, fingers fumbling uncertainly over the latches and ties in the back. The last snap finally undone, The Knight felt the midnight material virtually glide off his shoulders, the top half falling in slight waves around his middle.

He loosened the waist completely, stepping out of the skirt as the dress fell with a swish to the floor.

He shook his head.

"So weird..."

:n:

"Rath?" Cesia knocked softly on the door. "What's going on?"

"Shut up!" He hissed, his voice rising in pitch. "I'm fine! Just... Hold on for one goddamned minute!"

She withdrew her hand, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Rath. Whatever it is, I'm sure you can tell me."

The fortuneteller heard the boy take a deep, slightly shaky breath, and regain his composure.

"I'm. Fine. Really. Hold on for a moment, and I'll show you the first skirt."

Sighing, Cesia nodded, although he wasn't able to see her.

"All right. You don't sound like you're dying in there, so I suppose I can wait for you."

She raised her eyebrow at the muffled "eep!", then spoke. "Look. Rath, if you're going to stay in there, I'm going to look for more things for you."

Cesia was startled at the response this elicited from the boy.

"No!" Rath yelped, and she could clearly hear the clattering of a clothes hanger to the floor.

"No, no... It won't be that long..." a muttered curse, "Really."

She dropped down in a nearby chair, crossing her legs as she resigned herself to a tedious wait.

A minute passed, and Cesia could still hear the frantic shuffling of clothing and the odd swear word. Then Rath spoke.

"Uh... Pass me your bag."

"What?"

The sweatdrop was visible just above the short door.

"Just pass it. Please."

Shrugging, the half-yokai girl slid her bag over to the door, watching as his hand groped around for it, then yanked it inside the stall with him.

Standing stiffly in the far corner of the stall, Rath hurriedly opened the bag, digging through its meager contents until he found something that he judged suitable.

Rath dropped the pack to the floor, staring nervous at the found item.

He gulped.

"Oh, hell."

:n:

Rune looked around.

"Strange."

He glanced up at the clock on the side of the open air cafe.

"Santiago was just going to ask for another menu, but," he looked at the slowly ticking second hand again, "He's been gone almost a half hour."

A puzzled expression stole its way over his face as he leaned on the small circular table, hands cupping his face.

"I wonder what's taking him so long."

"Hey, sweetie! Lemme buy you a drink!"

Rune twitched visibly.

"And I wonder what will happen to that guy when I snap and shove the silverware down his throat."

:n:

Thats stepped out of the dressing room, tugging on the slight-midrift-baring tank.

"It's cute!" Kitchel enthused, and the Knight noticed that she was slowly beginning to think of him as less of her old rival and companion and as more of, well, a barbie doll.

"It's," he paused, putting emphasis on his next word, "Weird."

She giggled. "I think it looks cute. I can almost forget I'm not supposed to be helping youIt would be so much fun to use you as a mannequin!"

He sweatdropped.

"I'm not a mannequin. I'm a Knight and expert thief."

Kitchel grinned at him. "Not now you aren't." She hesitated, thinking for a second. "I think I like you more as a girl. You aren't as irritating."

He glared at her, starting to cross his arms over his chest, then suddenly dropped them to place on his hips instead. "Shut up. I didn't want this, got it?"

Starting to wander the aisles with the hampering dress safely stowed away in a bulging shopping bag that originally intended for a thin top and pair of pants, Thats picked various items off the rack for quick inspection.

"No. No. No. No. No. No. Maybe. Hey!" Kitchel quickened her steps to catch up with him, "How did this happen, anyway?"

A flush of red crept to his cheeks as he handed her the last article of clothing, a white and red baby-tee.

"I'm not telling you."

"Fine," she snickered upon reading the phrase in bubble letters upon the shirt, "I'll just ask Cesia or Rune."

He jumped, almost crashing into a rack of plus-size jeans.

"What!"

She smirked. "Tell me, Thats. I want to know."

"...Rune cursed us," he muttered reluctantly.

Her eyebrows jumped to hide beneath light brown bangs.

"Rune?"

Thats nodded darkly, handing over a set of shorts for inspection.

"But it backfired, and he caught himself as well."

The thief giggled, shifting the shorts to the hand with the approved shirt. "And here I thought you three had just gotten drunk one night and decided to have a sex change. Silly me."

He flashed a glare at her, daggers spinning in his eyes.

"I didn't want this!"

"Aw," Kitchel smirked sadistically, "Hey, at least now you're the better of the two sexes."

He muttered something under his breath, angrily rifling through a rack of swimsuits.

"What was that?" Her eyes narrowed minutely. "It's a little late to make any male chauvinistic comments."

Thats practically flung the hanger nearest to him to the end of it's rack, sliding it along with such force that it clanged noisily off the metal poles supporting it.

"I said that it's uncomfortable. That it's awkward and off putting and weird. And that I, no offense to any females, would have preferred it never happening."

Kitchel blinked.

"Oh."

:n:

Cesia heard the crinkling of paper and the distinct tearing of a sticky object from its backing. A vague idea planted itself in the back of her mind, but she ignored it.

"Rath, what the hell is taking you?"

There was a brief shuffling of clothing, and then the door opened, and Rath stepped out.

He was wearing the skirt, its deep crimson color standing out against his fair skin and matching the lighting of his eyes.

Cesia clasped her hands together.

"It looks great!"

She pulled him further out of the stall, walking in a circle around him to see the article of clothing from all angles.

"Yes, this is a nice style on you, Ra... Ah, Pyore," The fortune teller corrected herself, finally remembering that the Knight was going by a false name.

"How does it fit? Is it too loose? Here," Cesia reached out, tugging on the gauzy trim of the skirt, "Is it sliding around?"

Rath shifted his weight, obviously uncomfortable.

"Cesia, stop that."

"But," her voice took on a definite note of pleading, "I need to know if this is too big, Rath."

"It's fine!" He snapped, tugging the material out of her grasp, and turning around as she strode past him into the stall.

"Oh, here. Try this one next," she enthused, yanking a longer deep violet skirt from the single hook attached to the wall of the dressing room.

Rath yelped, "Wait!"

Startled, her arm jerked, sending the other items crowded onto the hook clattering to the floor.

"What? Oh, damn, Rath," she sighed exasperatedly, "Great."

Cesia bent down to pick up the fallen articles of clothing, hurriedly shuffling through them. About to hang them up again, she paused.

A rather awkward silence hung in the store-bought air, then the girl spoke, a light tinge rising to her cheeks.

"Rath?" Cesia fastened a all-too-broad and shaky grin to her face.

"What is this?"

"Wh-what are you talking about?" He stuttered, a flush creeping onto his features. "Those are... Those are the pants you lent me."

She crossed her arms, "Exactly. My," the half-yokai girl put a distinct emphasis on that last word, "Pants. And what, pray tell, is this?"

He looked apprehensively at her finger, hovering a fraction of an inch off the white material.

Er. White-stained-deep-wine-red-material.

"A stain?" Rath attempted to turn his most innocent look on Cesia, but faltered as he saw her glare in return.

"Yes, Rath. A stain. On my nice pants. What the hell did you do- Spill an ink pen in your pocket?"

The demon boy nodded frantically.

"Yes."

"Gods, Rath," Cesia shook her head, "At least you admitted it, but..." she paused, looking him straight in the eye, a deadpan expression fastened on her face. "But I'm not quite that stupid. Why the hell do you think I let you steal a sanitary napkin from my bag?"

He gulped and Cesia smiled, only a touch of malice in her lips.

"Finish trying those skirts on, then we're going to buy feminine supplies." The castle's main fortuneteller almost laughed at the aghast expression on his face.

Rath groaned.

"Wouldn't it be easier for you to get your sadistic kicks by just pointing and laughing like a normal person?"

:n:

Santiago shifted uncomfortably, squinting into the harsh glaring light.

"Wouldn't you know it?" He mentally sighed, "I thought the press had made it clear that it was Kai-Stern's job to get kidnapped and hogtied by various unscrupulous demons. Not the random Dragon Fighters! We're supposed to get overlooked in situations like these!"

The languid drumming of near-metalic nails on what he assumed was a table or desk of some sort shook him out of his thoughts.

"And what," the voice was cold, taunting, and all too pleasant, "Do you have to say for yourself?"

He swallowed, forcing his shaky chords to sound bold. "What do you mean, yokai? I don't answer to you."

"Yokai?" There was a laugh, barely tinged with bitterness.

"I'm afraid you are mistaken."

Trying to keep the confusion from his words, the Fighter spoke up again.

"You gonna tell me what you want from me, demon?"

"Idiot." There was a distinct note of childish irritation to the voice, "I'm human."

In the silence that followed, Santiago strained forward, blinking into the blinding light that shone in his face.

His kidnapper spoke.

"But I believe you have some... Information that could be useful concerning the Dragon Tribe."

"Information?" He spat, the waver in his voice almost nonexistent, although his bound hands shook. Tales of what happened to reluctant captives were common in the regiments, and he did not want to find out first hand which were true. "I'm not gonna tell you a thing."

A harsh, almost delighted laugh sprung from the hidden man's lips.

"Good. I was hoping you'd say that." Santiago was caught off guard as a hand darted in from beyond the curtain of glare, grabbing his neck and tilting his head back, then forcing an icy liquid into his shocked-open mouth. "Because it is just so much fun to prove you," a smirk on the thin lips, "Wrong."

The Dragon Fighter dully noticed that the hand that had clasped his neck was small, still childlike in comparison to his own, before his mind glossed over and the world turned slate-blank.

The blinding light snapped off, and a warmer overhead lamp flickered into golden life.

Garfankcy brushed the imaginary dust from his hands, smiling at a clean accomplishment.

"Well, Lord Kharl? It's done: He's taken the truth serum. Now what do we ask him?"

The Yokai Alchemist's pale eyes lit up, and he turned them imploringly upon his servant.

"Ooh! Can we see if he's wearing woman's underwear?"

"No, Lord Kharl," Garfankcy sighed, biting back the urge to slap himself, "That would be you."

:n:

o-o And, OhMyGod, this THING actually has some semblance of a plot. :faints of shock:

:n:

Oh... Um... People have been bugging me about updating this story. A lot. So I thought that I should just explain something... Please note that I'm only going to put this once, and plan to stick by it. This story -will- be updated about once a month. It will be very rare to see two updates on this per month, and equally rare to see a month skipped. Considering the content of this fic, I'm sure you will all come to your own conclusions. n-n; That said, while I am very flattered that this is loved enough to cause people to bug me for updates, you really aren't affecting my writing habits on this particular piece. Now, if you were to do that for any of my other stories, yes, it would probably get me writing faster. This one:wry grin: Highly doubt it.

:n:

Sarehptar: Nah, s'okay about the long wait. I'd have to be -really- greedy to complain, ne? n-n;

Vixenrath: Was I supposed to respond in the last chapter? Ah, well. Glad you find it funny. Hope you have/had a great time in Hawaii!

Capella: ...:blinks: You know, I really don't know either. I mean, he was the worst at going in drag, and everything... ("Isn't it horrible? Gangs attacked me.") :thinking: Ummmm... I guess he's just prettier than Rath... :cracks up:

Peophin-chan: Yes... Shopping isn't fun. :makes face: Well, every once in a blue moon, I'll get this random "SHOPPING!" urge... But it usually only lasts five minutes into the first store, upon which I promptly get bored. :sweatdrop:

Charna: Yup, exactly. Yes... Rune is in a bit of a bind... XD

Rath Lover: Eh... This was kinda soon... See AN at the top of this.

Yavie Aelinel: LOVE the name. And "Titanic"? That must be an... Interesting mix...

Crazy-meowmeow: Santiago is cool, isn't he:luffs: Although I wouldn't want to live with him...

Eira Nae:grinning: Exactly. He looks just like that. Um. Only older. And Book 1! That's the one with all the totally random stuff, 2's with the flashbacks, and 3 is where it actually starts showing a plot. XD

Bonny Fyfa: o.o Wow, you're here as well... Term paper...:shivers:

Peridot-chan: Mmmm... Really do love the name. Oh, and... :give cookie for Eira Nae's remark: ...I felt kinda bad sending you off to a perverted doom... n-n; Out of the chair? Ouch!

Elven Kagome: o.oa That's an odd name... Really funny, though. xD

Eikou:twitches: Must... Read them... In order... :twitching madly: Sorry, pet peeve. n-n; Oh, and 5 or 6? 5 is all Thats and Kitchel and Ringleys, 6 is all Rune and Nohiro and Tintlett... Headphones!

Kitty2Satan:mental image of a cat with horns: ... Yup, that was it. You even quoted the line. :grins:

:n:

Thanks to all who responded saying what they thought was funny. n-n Helpful reviews really are the best kind, so if you're gonna press that little button, could you remember that if you tell me what you liked, there's a good chance you'll see more of it later? As in, next chapter which features Rune and his "date"(:cocks head to one side: Hey, he's having an affair. :cracks up:). Thanks! non

Oh, and because I just hit upon this idea: All flames will be answered by the characters themselves. After being promptly laughed at by me, of course. :winks: Luv ya all.


	8. thistitlehasnothingtodowiththestory

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights, obviously. Or Star Wars. And I don't own any of the products mentioned... :sweatdrop:

Warnings: Swearing, female issues. Incredible denseness on Santiago's part. The first section would come so close to character-bashing, but... :is still laughing madly: Don't worry, we plan on having a PC rant on it later. :sweatdrop: Also... Extensive lecture on Cesia's part. Not very "gross", but leaning towards the "overshare"/"too-much-information" side. In other words: I know it was an extensive rant. If you hear it too often/aren't comfortable with it/just DON'T WANT TO KNOW, then skip it. It's all(mostly) in one large paragraph, and is pretty damn easy to recognize...

A/N:mega sweatdrop: ...I feel kinda bad... I postponed updating this after writing that note in the last chapter... It really was only so that I would have been able to get that other stuff out in time for my birthday, though... Itwon'thappenagainIsollumlyswearpleasepleasepleasedon'teatmysoul.

:n:

Rune looked up from where he had been playing with his napkin.

"Hey! Rune!"

He almost smiled with relief as the Dragon Fighter slid into the seat opposite his.

"Sorry I took so long," he said chattily, "I couldn't find the waitress, so I..." He paused, a look of startled confusion fluttering over his face.

"...I must've gone to find her, or something."

His eyes met the blinking brown ones in the face of his 'date', and he grinning, shrugging it off.

"And I'm back now! Sorry I wasn't able to get you a menu; do you want to share mine?"

"Sure," Rune awkwardly agreed, scooting his chair over to sit next to Santiago. Its metal legs ground harshly on the hard cobblestone floor, and a burst of wind whipping dust and leaves in spirals around him.

He ignored both of these, craning his neck to read the menu.

"Hey, you can come closer than that." The Dragon Fighter, edged his own chair towards the Knight, placing his arm over the other's shoulders.

Rune stiffened.

He couldn't deny it: his automatic reaction was to push out of the other's grasp. But, he took a deep breath, How would a young girl on a first date react? He pondered this for a moment, never having actually been on a first date with Tintlett... And for that matter, never having been a young girl before, either.

He was saved from having to come to a definite conclusion by the arrival of their long-lost waitress, a young, bored looking blonde woman.

"What can I get'cha?"

"Could you bring me a ham sandwich?"

She nodded, then turned expectantly to Rune.

"Um..." He glanced down at the menu, deciding upon the first thing he saw. "Could I have turkey?"

"And she'll have a turkey sandwich," Santiago filled in.

Their server nodded and left, leaving a vaguely confused Knight of Water in her wake.

"So, Rune," Santiago started.

What was it? Rune wondered. There was something... Off.

"Tell me about yourself. Why did the three of you come to Draqueen?"

That was it, he suddenly realized. He'd just been ordered for. That was a first. He glared lightly at the table. Rather condescending, too.

"...Rune?"

Oh.

He jerked his head back up, finding himself startled by the soft amber eyes staring at him. Apparently, Santiago thought he had struck a nerve not with the ordering of food, but with the questioning of his home life.

"Ah, um, I..." Rune blustered, feeling himself turn red. "We, we just... Just decided to vist Pyore's cousin, Cesia! We hadn't seen her in so long, and we heard that she was living at the Dragon Castle, and Pyore really wanted to see her again, so we traveled here and here we are and that's the end of that story what do you want to do after we eat?"

The Fighter blinked, startled.

"Wait, but..." He furrowed his brow, obviously trying to piece together the gaps in the shoddy puzzle.

"That doesn't make sense-- Oh." Was Realization a brick, it would have left a permanent indent on his forehead. Rune tensed, waiting for the laughter.

"Oh. I get it. And I don't blame you for trying to hide it."

But instead of the teasing smirk he had expected to see, there was a sympathetic smile.

"...Um, yes. So you understand?" He asked, mentally adding in that he wished that he did.

"Of course," he said earnestly, "And I feel bad for you. But especially for your friend."

"...Friend?"

He nodded sagely.

"Yes, when you think about it, it's really quite obvious. Kitchel came here for help with the baby."

Rune choked, coughing the water he'd been drinking across the white-clothed table.

Of all the inane answers...

"Wh-what?" He managed to gasp out. "What?"

Santiago's brow furrowed once more.

"She is the one with the brown hair, right? A few inches taller than you?"

"Y-yes..." Rune gaped at him, wondering where exactly he was going with this.

The Guard shifted uncomfortably. "Well, it really isn't that obvious yet. But she is, isn't she?" He met Rune's blank stare, "Um. Pregnant. I mean."

If possible, Rune's jaw dropped further, sinking onto the off-white table cloth.

Various thoughts flitted through his head, the first being indignant rage. How dare he make such an assumption? It wasn't even as though the other Knight was suddenly over weight in his new body. Yes, Rune allowed, Thats was perhaps a size larger than he was, but he didn't look as though he was pregnant, for Varawoo's sake!

The second thought, however, made him flinch. This was probably as good an excuse as anybody was going to come up with, and the other two Knights weren't around to veto it. It did make sense.

Sort of.

He ground his teeth, releasing the urge to strangle the more-or-less-innocent, if insulting and demeaning, Dragon Fighter.

Rune sighed.

"...Sure. Yes, you're right. She is," he mentally recoiled from the thought of how he would tell the others, "Pregnant."

Seeing Santiago's expectant face, the young man obviously wanting more information, Rune began to think fast.

"Um, her boyfriend back at Costa Rica? ...You don't know him! And, um, we didn't want any one to know. So we came to Draqueen, to, uh... Vist with Pyore's cousin! In about a month we'll be leaving for Memphis City, where I have relatives."

Santiago cocked his head to one side.

"You do look a bit like the royal family."

Rune gave an almost unnoticeable twitch.

"...Thanks."

:n:

"There." Cesia virtually sighed with relief, shifting her shopping bag from one hand to the other. "I thought I'd gotten lost."

She and Rath were standing in the middle of yet another busy street, thronged about on all sides by people: Pedestrians, Peddlers, Soapbox Preachers...

And at the end of the slightly winding street, seeming to sway with the influx of citizens pouring from the stores and homes lining the way, was a small white shop.

The fortuneteller laughed. "I barely come down here; I was surprised I even remembered there was a pharmacy in this area."

She began to walk again, still chatting to the boy behind her.

"I don't suppose you've ever come to this area, either? We're at the southern side of the main shopping district: Fortuneteller's Street is a couple miles north and east of where we are. It's pretty much only stores around here, although there are a few houses, as you can tell." She grinned. "I remember when I was working in Chantel. I was trying to find my way from the store to the hotel I was staying at, and I came down here instead. If it wasn't for that incident with Zoma, the piranhas, and the bakery, I don't think I would have been..." She stopped, suddenly noticing a distinct lack of annoyed comments or sulky silence.

"...Rath?" Cesia looked around, not immediately noticing her companion several yards behind her.

"Oh!"

Quickly backtracking through the crowd, she stood next to him once again.

"Rath?"

He half jerked, half shook his head, slowly straightening up fully. Cesia blinked: She hadn't noticed he had been slightly bent over.

"You okay?"

The Knight nodded, muttering, "Yeah. Fine. C'mon."

He started walking towards their destination, Cesia following slightly slower, watching consideringly.

Rath paused once more, outside the pharmacy entrance, and the demon-girl brushed past him, slipping inside and holding the door for him. Barely waiting for him to step inside, she began to sweep up and down the narrow aisles with the ease of one used to searching through rows upon stacks of material for a small group of items.

"Here we are!" She waved him over, kneeling in front of one of the far shelves. "Both tampons and pads-- I'm sure you've received some sort of lecture at one point or another at what they are for." She turned her face to his, eyes widened with expectation.

"...What?" The word came out as an almost-wince as he leaned back against the shelf behind him, various bottles and jars digging into his spine.

"I can't pick things out for you, Rath," Cesia stated matter-of-factly.

He sent her a startled look. "What d'ya mean? You're the girl: You choose! How'm I supposed to know what to get?" He glanced at the boxes, "Shouldn't they all be the same?"

She shook her head, launching into a rapid lecture, oblivious to the way he became more uncomfortable with every spoken word.

"No. Look here, see this? It shows you the size. The bigger, the more it can hold, obviously. See? 'Light days'. Those are for when your flow is minimal. Judging by how damn quickly those pants got stained," she sighed in memory of her caprice, "I wouldn't recommend them for you. Not for now, at least. Now these are slightly thicker; they're also wider to prevent leaking. They come with or without wings: Those little flaps that you can wrap around the sides of your underwear. Wings make it harder for your clothing to get stained and so forth. The larger sizes primarily come with the wings, but if you find them irritating or uncomfortable, you can just cut or tear them off, okay? Here," she pulled a package off the shelf, "'Overnight'. That means these babies are fucking huge. They'll pretty much cover your entire ass: Comes in handy when you're sleeping. I mean," she giggled, "Just because you stop getting up every time you feel saturated doesn't mean it'll stop coming. I'd say get a box of these, if only to be safe. I wouldn't recommend wearing them around during the day, though. Even though chances are small that someone will be able to notice, they'll not very comfortable. You never understand the term, 'riding the cotton Darnia' until you try these suckers on. I think that's the basic of pads, unless you want the special ones for thongs-Gods, I would not recommend those-or some of the more expensive ones that minimize any scent from the menstrual fluid. On to the tampons. Now, this particular store doesn't have as wide a selection as--"

"Wait."

Cesia snapped her gaze from searching through the shelf once more.

"What is it?"

"Um," Rath was flushed a very light shade of red, "Aren't those the ones that..." He made a vague hand gesture.

She raised an eyebrow.

"They're inserted into the vagina, yes."

"Oh." He nodded. "Then, no."

"What?" She looked genuinely startled, "Why? They're so much more comfortable and make things more convenient."

Rath sent her an annoyed stare.

"I'm not going to put anything up there."

Not wanting to get into an argument, Cesia sighed. "Fine. Have it your way. Now choose."

He squirmed.

"Can't I just use what you have?"

The fortuneteller bit back a snicker. "Sure, Rath. Except you're already using my last normal pad."

He recoiled slightly.

"What?"

Still holding back her laughter, she continued. "I prefer tampons. I've only got a few damn-huge 'overnighters' left, and with the clothing we just bought for you," Cesia giggled, "I'd either worry about the really weird panty-liner lines, or about the skirts flying up to show a glimpse of them." She paused, then laughed again. "A whole new meaning to 'wind beneath my wings'."

Rath glared as the girl slipped forward, still laughing, and caught herself on the shelf, knocking over several boxes of feminine products.

"You're sadistic, you know that? I hate you."

She laughed harder.

"Tampon avalanche!"

:n:

"There." Thats dropped the full-to-splitting shopping bag onto the cobblestone street. "What next?"

Kitchel thought for a moment, eyes trailing over the other's purchases. "I must admit, I'm impressed. You got the shirts, shorts, pants, and skirts. You still need a dress-"

"Haha. No."

"-Yes. And shoes and a couple swimsuits." She grinned, doing the calculations. "And you only have a little over half your money left. Hah, you're not going to make it."

"What do you mean?" He questioned, "I already got most of the shit."

She rolled her eyes to the clouded blue and gray sky overhead.

"You got the cheap stuff."

"No way," Thats shook his head, "Apart from the dress- which, by the way, I'm not buying- I don't see how the rest of it could be that expensive. I'll just buy some crap shoes and swimsuit."

"Swimsuits," she corrected, "And please tell me if you actually find somewhere that sells them cheap at this time of the year. It's going into summer, Thats, and Chantel isn't exactly brimming with competing bargain stores."

He picked up his stuff resolutely, "They've got to have some place. You just can't find it."

Kitchel bristled slightly, "Yeah, like you can."

"Of course I can," he laughed, starting off in a random direction, "Because, as you said, shopping is akin to thieving, and we all know that I'm the better thief."

Ducking to avoid the boulder flying at his head, Thats stopped in front of a small shop with a sign reading: SALE! Spring Clearance! All Summer Items IN STOCK NOW!

"Here! This place should have something! And it doesn't exactly look like first-rate stuff, either," he grinned, stepping inside.

Immediately finding a rack of swim ware, he pointed smugly to the sign.

"See? They're on sale, too." Thats snatched up a random suit, looking at the price tag. He did a double take, his eyes widening. "What the... Forty bucks!"

The Knight of Earth felt an arm drape over his shoulders as Kitchel leaned over to take a look at his choice. "No. Eighty. Forty is just for the top."

"What!" he shoved the suit back. "That can't be on sale!" He shook his head, drawing a deep breath. "It's just a fluke," he muttered, sifting through the other suits hanging before him.

"Thirty-eight. Forty. Forty-five? Damnit! Sixty-five!"

He seethed at the singsong voice behind him.

"I told you so..."

"Shut up. We're just in an expensive store."

"Hey, look. Two-for-one earrings!"

A vein twitched on his forehead.

"Kitchel... Shut up."

:n:

As Rath, darkly red, made his way to the cashier with his meager selection of feminine supplies, he was aware of a sudden cold draft. He turned around once he noticed the rather startled look on the young man behind the counter's face, a look that was quickly fading into some sort of awe.

"Cesia?"

The demon fortuneteller nodded her head stiffly in recognition of Rath's questioning.

Craning his neck, Rath peered at the figure standing suddenly in front of the girl, wondering where the sudden feeling of apprehension came from.

"...Delte?"

The elf smiled at him. "Hey, there, Rath. My cards showed me that you two were in this part of town, so I thought I'd drop by!"

"Um, right," Rath edged further back, carefully holding his products up before his chest, and attempting to angle them so that their labels were not visible.

Delte laughed lightly.

"Calm down. I already know about your little incident with Rune."

"Wh-what?" Rath jumped, "You do? How...?"

She smiled, "I was doing a reading for a client when Rune cast his spell."

There was a rather awkward pause.

"Um...?"

"My client wasn't too pleased with my informing him that he would start his period shortly."

Cesia beamed. "Common sense. Your cards should have been able to tell you that what you were picking up on wasn't part of that specific fortunetelling spell, but some sort of disturbance in the force."

"'Disturbance in the force'? Really, Cesia, you sound like you're a character from 'Star Wars'," Delte giggled, "I can see you in those cinnamon bun braids of Princess Leia!"

Rath scooted back, very slightly, taking careful note of the faintly twitching vein on Cesia's forehead.

"Um, Cesia? Can we pay for this? Please?"

And then leave before we get kicked out for starting a cat fight, Rath mentally begged. Although, his mind did have to add, The young man behind the counter looked as though he'd be willing to give a substantial discount for any sort of fighting between his current customers, especially one that involved the shredding of clothing.

"I'm sorry, Rath. I was distracted," the half-demon turned her back on the elf, professionally counting out the exact amount of money and handing it to the cashier.

"Nice to see you, Delte," she smiled, with only a hint of chill as she led Rath out of the store.

The fortuneteller returned the look.

"Same to you, Cesia."

As the glass doors slid closed behind them, effectively placing a semi-sound-proof barrier up, Rath turned to the girl beside him.

"What was that?"

"What do you mean?" Cesia asked, starting off at a brisk pace. "Nothing happened."

"But," Rath protested, stuttering slightly, "Delte..."

"Oh. That." The half-yokai flipped a lock of hair irritatedly over her shoulder, quickening her steps. "That was nothing. We just don't get along. I don't hate her," she added, correctly guessing what was to come next, "But the prat and I have never been on very good terms. I don't hate her. I hate Nadil. I hate Shydeman and Shyrendora. I hate the witch. And, sometimes, I hate you for..."

Cesia looked around, confused. While people hurried past her on either side, the boy she had been about to direct her last comment to was missing.

"Rath?" Cesia backtracked, quickly finding the other doubled over slightly and leaning against the wall of a random shop.

She snapped her fingers.

"Oh! That's right. And I hate cramping."

:n:

"Damn prices."

"Come on," Kitchel sighed, exasperated, "We both agree that this the best you'll be able to find. You're running out of time."

She scuffed her feet on he ground, sitting boredly in the dinky plastic chair outside of the umpteenth changing area.

"Normally I like shopping. Your complaining takes all the fun out of it."

"Fun?" Came the sarcastic remark from inside the locked stall.

She glared at the whitewashed door, then grinned.

"I told you, though. It's impossible to find a cheap swimsuit at this time of the year. Hah."

Thats sighed, "Shut up, Kitchel."

"That's not a very polite statement for a woman."

He twitched slightly.

"Oh, like you would know?"

The female thief stood, crossing her arms.

"Look, would you just hurry it up? I'm tired of waiting for you. You need help tying it?"

There was a short silence.

"...Yes. Please."

The Dragon Knight of Earth opened the door, and Kitchel pulled him out, deftly tying the bikini top behind his neck, then walking in a close circle around him.

The two-piece suit, while covering everything that needed to be with a deep green material, showed a considerable amount of skin, at least to Thats' standards. It was tied with wooden brown strings, a mock-bone bead dangling at the ends of each of these. It clung tightly to his figure, neatly matching both his eyes and hair.

"Wow. That's really cute on you."

He sweatdropped, wincing.

"Kitchel, shut up."

"No, I mean it!" She stepped back, taking it in from further away. "That's a nice choice. Adjustable, too," she said, eyeing the ties on both the top and bottom, "Which means that when you're done with it, I can have it!"

"What the... No!"

She raised an eyebrow at her old rival.

"What? It's not like you'll be using it after the curse wears off. Um. I think?"

There was a rather awkward silence in which neither was able to meet the other's gaze.

"No. You can keep it. Please."

"Great!" Kitchel beamed, shoving him back into the dressing room, "Now take it off! You just need to find another one, then we can look for shoes!"

Moaning inwardly, Thats quickly stripped and redressed, exiting from the stall and handing the chosen suit to the waiting girl.

"Here."

He searched hurriedly through the closest rack of swimsuits, quickly becoming annoyed at both the high price and available styles.

"Godamnit!"

"Hm?" Kitchel questioned, waiting off to the side, "What?"

"Why the hell does it cost so much to buy so little?" He snatched a random suit, purple with white and covering just the bare necessities, off the rack and held it up for demonstration.

"This amount of material could be used to make a blindfold and we'd have none left over! Why the hell is it so expensive?"

"Easy," the girl smirked, "Boys."

"...What?" Thats asked, startled at the answer.

"That's a bit obvious, isn't it? Think about it. All the clothing you've seen today was made to be bought by sex-starved teenage girls who want to attract the opposite gender," she stated matter-of-factly. "Everyone knows that. I assumed you did, too."

"Yeah, but," Thats struggled over the right phrase, "Kitchel, I don't exactly want to attract a boyfriend."

She shrugged.

"Join a nunnery?"

They both received the same distinct mental image, simultaneously shuddered, and she continued.

"That's your fault. I'm just supposed to help you blend in."

"I understand the second half of that statement. But how in Dragoon is it my fault?"

"You could've been gay."

Thats stared at her incredulously.

"...I'm not even going to answer that. Look. I'll just try this on, buy it, and we'll leave."

"Fine by me," she said, dropping herself back down in the nearby chair and watching as he entered the same changing stall.

"Hey," Kitchel started as he stepped out a minute later, "When we get back to the castle, shave."

He blinked at her.

"What?"

"Shave," she repeated, "It's obvious that you don't, especially when you wear something that shows that much skin. It looks weird when you're a girl."

"But I'm not!" The Knight of Earth gave her a disgusted look, "And if I do that, what do you think will happen when I change back? I don't want to go around as a man with smooth legs."

She cocked her head to one side, light hair brushing over her shoulders.

"Now that you mention it, that's probably a good idea as well. ...But I wasn't talking about leg hair, Thats."

"Oh. ...Oh. Fuck, no."

:n:

Garfakcy walked down the vast stone halls, the oppressing silence surrounding him. They were almost eerily bare, but he had gotten used to it, as living in the last standing castle in Arinas for several hundred years did cause one to become adjusted to them.

The still was almost palpable.

"Lord Kharl!"

And was now lying shattered in glass fragments on the floor.

"What is it, Garfakcy?" The voice of the Yokai Alchemist asked softly, although it's owner was not visible.

"I returned the boy to Chantel," he replied, placing his hands on his hips irritably. "I trailed him for a few minutes. You were right."

A soft chuckle sounded in the empty hallway.

"I knew it."

There was a brief pause, then Kharl spoke again.

"And the other...?"

"It was him," Garfakcy confirmed, "The Dragon Knight of Water. Although I don't know how the Dragons got their hands on that curse. I didn't think they'd actually have the balls to use it," he snickered, "Not that they do now, of course."

"How they got it doesn't concern us," the Alchemist said, "But it verifies my suspicions: The Dragon Clan has a copy of 'Revenge and Spite'."

The seemingly young boy nodded, frowning slightly.

"Lord Kharl? What were you planning?" A gleaming hint flickered in his pale eyes.

Another faded laugh echoed in the otherwise quiet.

"I'm not yet certain. But I can assure you that you will find it quite entertaining."

Garfakcy smiled.

"Good."

:n:

"Where do you wanna go next?"

Rune shrugged, his light blonde hair falling loosely over his shoulders.

What else did people do on dates? As much as he loved Tintlett, the Elven Prince was beginning to wish that he hadn't been placed in an arranged marriage with her. Maybe if he had been born a commoner, he would have had the experience of taking a girl out on a date before. This was a very awkward way of learning the social norms of a group of people known only for their heightened hormones.

"Um," he stalled, then hit upon a virtual safety net. "It's starting to get late. Maybe we should start to head back to the castle."

Santiago's face fell for a moment, then he instantly brightened up again.

"You're right. Your friends will be looking for you."

He took the Knight's hand, and Rune gave himself a mental pat on the back for not automatically flinching away.

"Can you walk all the way back?"

Rune stopped himself from pointing out the obvious: That he had walked all the way to Chantel and therefore should be capable of walking all the way back from Chantel.

Instead, he smiled winningly.

"Yes, I think so."

And when I get out of this, he noted to himself, The first thing I will do will be to find Tintlett and apologize for any and all times that I implied she couldn't do something, from changing a light bulb to wandering unprotected through Kainaldia.

"Are you sure?" The fighter looked at him questioningly, "Because it's a long way, and since I work for the castle, I can borrow one of the Darnias from our Chantel post."

"Of course I'm..." Rune paused.

Well. It was a long way. And if there was a free ride... They would get back faster. And the faster they got back, the less time he would have to spend on this humiliating 'date'.

That settled it.

"Actually," he contradicted himself, "A ride would be nice. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, that is."

"Of course not!" Santiago's eyes lit up and he beamed. "And this way, we can take the scenic route back to the castle! There's this great side-road that cuts through Luwa, and I know where there's this sweet place to watch the sunset over the ocean! This'll be fantastic!"

Rune blinked at him.

What 'side-road that cut through Luwa'? There was no road that did that, unless one was to make a large loop around Draqueen to get to the other city. The capital and the castle was between Chantel and Luwa, not on the other side of them!

"Hey..."

About to protest the length of time this would take, Rune checked himself.

Well, it really would only mean a few more hours with the Dragon Fighter, and the young man really did seem like a nice enough guy. Upon seeing his earnest excitement, Rune found that he wasn't able to disappoint him.

He forced himself to smile.

"That sounds great."

:n:

Yavie Aelinel: Wow, pretty name. Elvish? o-oa XD You don't write that THAT often... XD

Peophin-chan: Yes. :evil smile: Yes, it did. I love Kharl. I named my euphonium Kharl. It keeps biting my friend(No, seriously...).

Crazy-meowmeow: Eh, yes... Sorry about that wait. See note at beginning... :MEGA sweatdrop: They were in here, though!

Kat: I did. On time, too. And I took your note on Cesia. See? Uh. Somewhere... :hasn't reread yet: But it is in there somewhere!

Capella: ...Literally? I can guess. Ouch. More on Rune's AFFAIR in the next chapter:D It was going to be in here, but then I realized that would involve a huge time jump... Yeah. ...That is one funky class... o-Oa

Elven Kagome: Oooh. That sucks. And it wasn't out by Tuesday. :mock evil stare:

Kitty2Satan: Haha. 'Tis fun to be high off water...

Peridot-chan: XD Of course... It had to happen... :innocent: And in response to a different review... "Aquajogger" is short for "Dragon in an Aquajogger". Because Kat was helping me get an AIM account(These always involve AIM account, don't they?), and the previous night I had decided that "aquajogger" was a cool word 'cause we were using them in PE, and we ended up agreeing that a DRAGON in an aquajogger would be cool. ...Yeah...

Eikou: They -should- have painkillers. I think... Either that, or maybe Cesia's pain-reducing influence around Rath will work on this, too... :ponders:

Sareptar: O-O :revives: And I don't think he actually wears woman's underwear. I think he goes commando. :innocentinnocentinnocent: And that was a typo... :sweatdrop: See? I fixed it in this chapter...

Loser with a Llama: Bolivia has llamas... :shakes head: Anyway, thank you! "Me gustan tus pantalones." Probably. Because "pants" is plural, so...

The Shadowess: n-n No worries, Kharl doesn't particularly want to change them back. He finds this all very funny, to say the least. And thanks for the 100th review:glomps and gives sugar:

DragonessFei: I know. I was so happy... By the time I got it, it was my b-day, too, so even better! XD Well, Kharl's always a good one to like. And I'd actually LIKE to only have to write fanfiction... But no...

Vixensrevenge: Hey, again! Nice name. Very evil... :insert villainous laugh here:

:n:

And a big THANK YOU to everyone who's reviewed! Thanks for getting this story past the 100 review barrier! You know I already loved you all, but now I do even more. :passes out free pocky and plushies in true fanfic style:

And as a special present, here's your favorite knights(in their correct genders...) GETTING IT ON!1!one! Wh00tn3zZzZz!1eleven!

:n:

"Oh... Rune..."

"Ah-! W-wait, Thats!"

"Heh. Tie him down, Rath. Make sure he doesn't... Get away."

"But...-! Ahhhn!"

"Y-yeah, just like that..."

"Ah, Thats..."

"Mm, R-rath?"

"...Why are we trying to put this dress on Rune?"

"Easy! So we can take pictures for blackmail!"

"Oh. Why are the lights off?"

"Power outage."

"I see. And what with your voice? It's all... Husky."

"Screaming contest with the Dragon Fighters."

"Ah. ...What were we doing again?"

"Beats me. Wanna go get something to eat?"

"Sure."

There was the click of a door opening and closing again.

Silence.

"...Guys...? Hello...? Hey, could somebody untie me? Rath! Thats! I'm going to kill you!"

:n:

That was amazingly corny.

Please review.


	9. Playing it Safe

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights. I got bored in summer school art, though, and wrote down that Mineko Ohkami was the greatest artist of all time on that questionnaire that we had to fill out.

Warnings: Swearing. Odd humor. Feminine issues. Shortness in comparison to past chapters. Parts of this were written while suffering from extreme boredom during a short summer trip with no computer access.

A/N: Hehe. The first scene for this was originally going to be the end scene for the previous chapter. Then I decided that I was lazy and would just post what I had. :sweatdrop: So it's in here, instead. Probably a good thing, or this chapter would have ended up being even shorter.

:n:

Rune was sitting on top of the uncomfortable leather Darnia saddle, staring blankly at a less-than-steller sunset, and rather boredly remembering the fact that he was a good ten miles away from the capital.

Why, he wondered, Did it seem like he was always trying so hard to get back to Draqueen? Sometimes he felt as though the whole world was conspiring to keep him away from the castle.

Or at least as though the whole of Dragoon was.

Sighing out loud at this thought, he was startled as another, slightly larger hand slipped over his own.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah," Rune managed to get out, realizing that Santiago must have mistaken his sigh of resignation for one of appreciation.

"It's gorgeous."

Which was a lie, he noted, As while it was a relatively decent spot to see the sunset, it was by no means the romantic seaside lookout of a girl's love-struck fantasies. It was directly off a well-beaten path, one that, even as he sat there, merchant's carts were busily traveling down. It was also partially overlooking the northwestern side of the city of Luwa, so the shoreline was broken in parts by the tops of restaurants, houses, and assorted factories and smoke stacks.

The smell of someone's burnt cooking obscured the sea breeze.

As the murky orange faded behind the foggy cloud cover, Santiago stooped down from where he had been standing next to the riding dragon, deftly plucking up a small yellow flower, one of the many that grew next to the roadside.

He twirled it between his thumb and pointer for a moment, looking at it thoughtfully. The common blossom, with it's five, slightly weather-beaten, petals, was already beginning to droop. Then, turning back to the Dragon Knight, Santiago leaned in close, planting his arms on either side of him, his face an inch from Rune's.

Rune's eyes widened and he recoiled slightly.

Oh. Fuck.

"Uhm... Wh-what...?"

Santiago took a deep breath and, obviously apprehensive and nervous, began to speak.

"Rune... Would you..."

Rune's mind raced ahead of the other's words, filling in the blanks.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

Oh, shit.

Not again.

This scene was all too familiar.

Which is why Rune had a comforting and cushioned "No. No thank you. Not at the moment. Actually... Never." on his tongue, readied for the inevitable marriage proposal.

His confidence was suddenly shaken by an unexpected blurting of words.

"Would you have sex with me?"

Wait... What?

Rune stared at the younger man, not yet comprehending what he just heard.

First of all, his mind began to slowly point out, That was an incredibly stupid way to ask. The fighter somehow came across as more nervous than he, Rune, had the right to be. He was supposed to be the freaked out one! Not the guy asking him! And secondly, he realized, This was their first date!

Rune willed his mouth to work, trying to squeeze out his thought-out message.

"...What the fuck? I barely know you!"

Well. That hadn't been exactly what he had been planning on saying, but it seemed to have the desired effect as the other wilted, pulling back and staring at the ground.

"Look," he grimaced, mentally sighing, "Have you ever even spent time with a girl before?" When the Dragon Fighter made no response, he continued, suddenly grateful for all the time he had previously spent in the company of Delte, Tinlett, Silk, and a great number of female water lights. "They... Uh... We don't feel the urge to sleep with you, just because you bought us a meal and took us on a ride."

Especially when we didn't ask for it, he added silently.

"Besides," Rune elaborated, trying to find some way to make this no-interest-in-sex-thing permanent, short of giving away his true predicament. Maybe if he told a little white lie and said he was in the middle of a sex change? "I'm... Not ready for that type of relationship yet. You're a sweet guy," he added in hurriedly, avoiding the kicked-puppy vibes Santiago was giving off, "But I'm not interested."

There was an awkward pause, then Santiago spoke.

"...Is this some sort of female mind-game? Like 'no means no', right?"

Rune deadpanned.

Honestly. Talk about giving a specific gender a bad name...

"Santiago. I would like to go back to the castle. It is late, and I need to meet up with my friends."

The slightly disgruntled Dragon Fighter sighed and then nodded, slowly turning the Darnia around to face the road.

:n:

"Hey!"

Cesia looked up from where she was seated on Rath's bed, the Dragon Knight of Fire currently changing in the bathroom, to see an overly cheerful face peek in through the open door.

"Hello, Kitchel."

The female thief slipped into the room, a rather annoyed looking Thats following her, multiple shopping bags in tow.

"So how did the shopping go?"

Kitchel dropped onto the bed next to the fortuneteller, a smug grin on her face.

"Tell her, Thats."

"It was your fault," he complained, "I was going to finish. I just needed one more pair of shoes. And then you spent some of the gold."

Cesia blinked.

"That sounds so weird..."

"But look!" Kitchel gestured to her ear, where a small stone flashed emerald in the artificial lighting inside the room.

"Pretty," Cesia commented.

"'Pretty'? Because of that, I ended up short," Thats continued, glaring at her and her purchase.

The young woman laughed, "Beauty before age, Thats."

It was at this moment that Rath chose to storm out of the adjourning bathroom, wearing a very short black skirt, one of the articles of clothing he and Cesia had purchased that day.

"Goddamnit," he swore, "I hate this."

"Huh?" Thats raised an eyebrow, his rant cut short, "What's up with him?"

Kitchel glanced at Cesia, now stifling a giggle.

She explained, "He started his period today."

The other two blinked at a now quickly flushing Rath, glaring at Cesia.

"Um. Great for him."

Thats half-winced, not able to fully keep the smirk from his face.

"I forgot about that. I didn't think the spell would be that powerful."

"Guess it was," The Fire Dragon Knight snapped irritably, "I'm going to strangle Rune when he gets back."

"No," Kitchel butted in, "You can't do that!"

Rath turned his glare to her, "Why not?"

"It's unfeminine. You need to bitchslap him."

The Knight deadpanned, obviously not thinking highly of that logic.

"'Unfeminine'? But I don't want to be feminine!"

Cesia slipped into the conversation, directing Rath's annoyance away from the other girl.

"Where is Rune, anyway?"

There was a shared uncertain glance, and Thats leaned over, peering out the curtained window where a few stars could be seen winking down at them.

"It's night already. I thought Kitchel and I were the last ones back." He grinned at a sudden thought. "Hey. You don't think he and--" His words were lost, cut off by the loud slamming open of the door, causing the room to shake slightly and its occupants to jump. A small glass figurine fell off a shelf with a crash and shattering tinkle on the wooden floor.

All four turned to stare at the newcomer fuming in the doorway.

It was Rune.

Cesia noted that while he was still wearing her shirt and blouse, they appeared to be much worse for the wear than when she had lent them to him. They were both wrinkled, slightly travel worn and dusty, the skirt sporting a long tear across the bottom hem.

Rath noticed that Rune was leaning on the frame of the door in much the same way he had been holding himself for a good portion of the earlier day. Rune was bent very slightly, as if to stand fully upright would cause too much pain. He appeared to be clutching a stitch in his side.

Kitchel took in his hair, normally smooth and lying flat, but instead messed and tousled. Sweat plastered his golden blonde bangs to his forehead. His face was highly red and flushed, although Rath's room wasn't that far from the castle's entrance.

Thats glanced at him and burst out laughing at the condom stuck to the bottom of the heel of his shoe.

"Shut... Up," Rune ground out between gasps, "That was horrible."

"And yet you look like you had fun," Rath remarked with barely a twinge of sarcasm.

The elf directed a deadly glare at him and continued.

"You all -all of you- owe me. I went on the worst date of my life," And, well, the only, he admitted silently. "I had to make up an excuse to cover for you, and then had to sprint from the stables up to here. At night. Through the castle gardens. Not on the paths."

"Are you sure?" Thats laughed, "You look like you were doing something else. At night. In the castle gardens. Not on the paths."

"Shut up!" The irate elf hissed, his voice rising in pitch. "I have never been so humiliated in my life!"

"...Why?" Cesia couldn't resist asking, tilting her head to one side, long black hair brushing against the bedspread.

If possible, Rune turned a deeper shade of red before stuttering an answer under his breath.

"...What?"

"Santiago asked me to sleep with him."

"What!"

His audience of four stared at him, then at each other, then burst out into mad hysterics.

"It's not funny," Rune sulked, "That was the second time he asked, too."

His response did little but increase their hilarity, causing Rune to loose a little more of his quickly waning grip on sanity. He began to speak again in an attempt to get them to be quiet, almost yelling to be heard.

"Shut up!" He snapped. "I only got out of it -or, really, got him to pause long enough to run away- by saying that I really didn't want to end up pregnant like Thats!"

This did the trick.

The room immediately fell still as three of the one demon, fortuneteller, and thief stared at a very red Dragon Knight of Earth.

A smothered snicker floated through the air, cut off as Thats stood, slowly moving forward, his voice low.

"...What."

Rune sweatdropped, remembering belatedly that Thats was in the room and probably would not take to that particular given excuse too well.

"Um... It was his idea?"

Thats took a swing at Rune, his fist hitting the wall an inch away from his ducked head.

"Thats!" Kitchel stood, cupping her hands to her mouth and shouting frantically. "You're doing it wrong! You're supposed to bitchslap him, remember?"

"Fine," he snarled, "Let me try again."

"W-wait!" Rune quickly edged away, hands up in a show of peace. "Why does it matter? It's just for a month. And you're not... You know..." he added in, deciding that avoiding the "p-word" might be the best tactic for the moment. He continued hurriedly, "And I didn't even come up with the idea! It was Santiago's. I just decided that playing along with it would be easiest--" he bit back a yelp, dodging once again.

Gods. This was stupid.

Even though he could see how it might infuriate the other to be the one used as metaphorical bait, Rune felt his voice take on an annoyed tone.

"You've gone in drag before, just for treasure. How is this so much different?"

"Because," Thats moved menacingly forward, now standing even closer and faintly aware that the spectators behind them had broken out popcorn and miniature flags and were fully enjoying themselves by watching the fight unfold.

"Because, it... It implies--"

He cut himself off, eyes widened with shock at the unspoken statement.

"Yes?" Cesia prompted, a handful of popcorn pausing mid-way to her mouth and starting to grin mischievously.

Thats muttered a response, turning halfway around and tensely staring at the ground.

"...It implies I'm fat."

There was an awkward silence, quickly broken by the simultaneous outbursts of laughter from Cesia, Rath, and Kitchel.

As Thats yelled to be heard over the din, at once trying to both backtrack and defend his point, Rune relaxed, sweatdropping slightly.

At least the others would be too amused by the recently gained body image troubles of their friend to bother him too much about his lack of judgment in finding them an excuse.

Rune took the opportunity to slip silently out of the room, leaving to the sounds of mad hysteria, frantic shouting, and someone choking on overcooked popcorn.

He simultaneously shook his head and a lubricated condom off the slightly elevated heel of his shoe.

Rune sighed, "What a day."

:n:

Kat: ...Yeah... Thanks for catching that... I said I was going to reread it and then post(I think...), but I never did get to the rereading bit. :too late at night, but didn't want to wait until the next morning...: So a bunch of stuff never got caught. :rolls eyes at grammar mistakes: When I get bored sometime I suppose I'll just go through and fix everything... :sweatdrop:

Animegoil: I crack up every time I read "no personal hygiene involved". XD But that's pretty true, with a bunch of guys(yuck). Hey, rambling is fun!

Tarinyo's Forest: Wow... Pretty name... XD Hey, in this situation, one can NEVER have too much fun... And that sucks.

Yavie Aelinel: No! No, you didn't! ...Well... You kinda did. But only to prove a point:nods:

The Shadowess: Hehee... Easter eggs are awesome like that. And all the old stories I used to read on had stuff like that randomly, but you never see them anymore... Ah, well.

Kitty2Satan: That name's kinda creepy, actually. o-oa Haha. He should have. XD

Peridot-chan: I know the feeling. It's like... :suddenly remembers: "You WANT the lollypop, but this other kid wants it too, so you go get your daddy, but he gets his daddy and his daddy is this huge-ass wrestling FREAK, and he beats up your daddy and..." :trails off: No? Not like that? Ah, well. Kat! If you're reading this, that was part of some GWing thing I wanted to send to you a couple years ago, but that got deleted. T-T

Happy Stalker Ball: Sweet name. XD I really hope it's temporary. It should be... Right:slightly concerned: I should go check on him... And, yes. Things are too expensive! It should be cheap! Cheap, I say:spazzes:

:n:

By the way, as two times ago I beat the 100 review mark, this time I beat the 100 page mark: just as big a step for me and my usually short chapters. As of now, this fic takes up 105 pages in an appleworks document: single spaced, verdana, size twelve.

Thanks to everyone who's read this far!

...Gah... So tired... :wants to sleep:


	10. The tension, is it sexual?

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights. I've had various ideas for fanfics floating around in my head nonstop for a while now, though... :dizzy look:

Warnings: Swearing/language, feminine issues, same odd humor as always(I guess that's not a problem, though, since you guys seem to like it... ...I love you guys.).

A/N: Gah, these chapters are all getting shorter... See excuse at end!

:n:

Rune grimaced.

The sun was shining brightly through his open window, and he was trying to get dressed, but...

He sweatdropped, digging through the rack of clothing Cesia and Rath(but really, just Cesia) had purchased for him the previous day.

"Isn't there anything in here that isn't..." he trailed off, letting his mind fill in the silent "slutty".

While he did have pants and shorts, they were all either microscopically short, or spandex-like in their tightness. The shirts that had been bought for him were all either very low cut at the top, very high cut at the midriff, backless, or incredibly tight around the chest.

A moan of despair welled up inside of him as an insistent knocking sounded at his door.

"Rune!"

He went to open it, recognizing Cesia's voice and hoping she could explain that there had been some sort of mistake and all of the clothes that were actually for him were stored in a bag at the very back of his closet.

"What is it?" Rune opened the door, letting in both Cesia and a rather disgruntled looking Rath.

"I thought you might need some help," the fortuneteller explained bubbly, "So I came by to offer my advice."

Rune stared at her suspiciously.

"...You sound like Raseleane."

Cesia giggled, obvious excited about getting to dress up the blonde.

"No, she and Cernozura are happily preparing for your fitting after breakfast. I'm just here under her orders."

Having suspected as much, Rune grudgingly let her walk over to his still-open closet and retrieve a short blue skirt.

"I thought we might keep it fairly simple for today, as you'll be taking it off in an hour anyway. So put this on, and," she tossed him a low-cut cream peasant top, "This as well."

Rune, slightly pink, walked into his bathroom to change as Cesia continued to explain the plans for the day.

"Thats and Kitchel should already be at breakfast, so we'll join them and then you three are going to be fitting for your dress clothes. That should take up much of the morning and early afternoon," she ignored the irritated growl from Rath, now seated on Rune's bed, "So we'll catch a late lunch after that and go over and fix up your cover story until they call us for dinner."

"For so long?" Rune called confusedly through the closed door.

"Some of the Dragon Fighters have relatives in Costa Rica village," Cesia explained, "So we need to elaborate on what you already have in case they pry."

"I still say we just tell them to piss off," Rath complained.

"Rath," Cesia shot him a warning glare, "Shut up."

He remained silent, but that might have been simply because Rune chose that moment to slip out of the bathroom, fully dressed.

"Oh!" The half-Yokai girl exclaimed, "That looks great! I didn't realize it would fit so well!"

That it 'looked great' was a bit of an understatement, Rune thought as he gaped at himself in the mirror above his wooden desk. He looked stunning. The cut of the shirt perfectly accentuated his chest and slim waist, and the short floaty skirt made his already long legs look even longer. He felt himself flush a deep red.

If he was still a guy, he'd be turned on by himself.

Wait... That brought up an interesting question, one that he had never actually thought about.

This gender change, did it flip his sexual orientation as well? Or, rather, not flip it? Was this lack-of-sexual-attraction due to the fact that it was a girl's body he was looking at? Or was it because it was his own body?

Rune shook his head.

He would just have to ask the other two about it when Cesia and Kitchel weren't around.

That thought suddenly struck a guilty chord in him as his mind went off on a tangent.

Tintlett...

That was right, he still needed to inform her.

But, he winced slightly, How was he to do that?

"Rune?" Cesia asked, obviously taking his reaction to indicate that he disliked what he saw within the mirror, "What's wrong?"

"Um," Rune jerked back to reality, slightly flustered, "Oh, um, nothing! I just realized that you could, uh..." he scrutinized his image, "You can see part of the bra through this shirt."

"Oh," she tilted her head to one side, "You're right. I'm sorry about that. Here, try this one."

He fumbled the thrown article of clothing, barely managing to catch it.

"...Thanks," he muttered, still distracted by his realization.

How in Dusis was he going to explain this?

:n:

The three entered a mostly-empty dinning hall, Cesia being their excuse to sit at the main table, instead of eating in the mess room or kitchen.

The fortuneteller scanned the single table, quickly going to sit next to Kitchel and Thats, close to the center.

"How's the diet going?" Cesia teased cheerfully.

"Shut up," Thats snapped back, turning a bright red and pointing a fork menacingly at her.

Rath made a low, irritable growl, and the Knight of Earth turned to him.

"You drop it, too," he complained, "Or the damned waitresses are going to start up the lesbian rumors."

That caught Rath off guard, and he blinked at his friend.

"...What?"

"He's just in a bad mood," Kitchel filled in cheerfully, taking a slow drink from her glass, "Some guard wolf-whistled at him, and when he told him off, got called a dyke."

Cesia sat, obviously irritated at the news, and Rath took a seat as well.

Rune, however, remained standing, a question floating on the tip of his tongue.

"Uh..."

He shook his head.

Later, Rune decided firmly, When the girls weren't around. He could consult with the other two later.

Before anyone could inquire to his sudden silence, he sat down as well, to the left of Rath, starting to dish food onto his plate.

"Did you explain what we're doing today?" Cesia asked conversationally.

The other girl nodded, brushing a lock of her hair from her face.

"Right," Cesia continued, only to be interrupted by Rath.

"So let's hurry up and get this over with," he complained, obviously impatient.

Rune sent him a disapproving glance.

"Rath, we haven't finished eating yet. And you just got here. Why don't you have breakfast first?"

"Not hungry," he muttered, turning slightly pink.

"It's a little early in the morning for cramping," Kitchel commented offhandedly, "That's gotta suck."

"Have a bite," Cesia advised, "If you eat a little, it might help some. But not that!" The fortuneteller quickly grabbed his hand back from taking a helping of eggs, "God, Rath, use your brain! Try something lighter. Like," she glanced over the array of food on the table, "Toast."

Rath stared at the piece of slightly charred toast, watching as it was dropped with a clatter onto his plate.

Sighing, he picked it up and took an experimental bite.

"Besides, we won't be having lunch until much later," Cesia continued, "And unless you want to just pass out in the middle of being fitted, you need to eat something."

There was a calm as the five ate in silence for a few minutes, then Kitchel sat up straight.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, "I just remembered. Swimming! We made them buy swimsuits, and the weather's perfect today! Why don't we go out to the lake in the afternoon? We'll be pretty secluded there, so we can go over their story there, as well."

As the three boys automatically flinched away, two forks and a last piece of toast falling to the table, Cesia's eyes lit up.

"That sounds like a good idea! As long as we can ensure that no one else comes with us, that would be perfect!"

Behind their backs, three pairs of eyes met in a mutual trapped plead of a stare that clearly read, "DO SOMETHING!"

"Um," Rune spoke up first, trying to remain calm as his two compatriots watched nervously, "I... I don't have a swimsuit!" He stated, brightening up at this simple realization.

"Don't worry," Cesia laughed, "I got one for you. It fit me nicely, and it's adjustable, so we should be able to get it to fit you as well."

Rune deflated, just to have Rath speak up in turn.

"Yeah, well, I can't go swimming," he explained forcefully, flushing a deep red with what he was trying to avoid saying.

"Couldn't he use a tampon?" Kitchel half-asked Cesia.

"Wha-? N-no way--" Rath's fearful outburst was cut off the other girl.

"Yes, he could." She shot him a pointed look. "It really isn't that bad, Rath. I don't see why you have such a problem with it. You go off on all sorts of dangerous demon hunts; this is just a bit of cotton."

Rath glared at the ground, deeply flushed but holding his tongue.

Rune nudged Thats, urging him to save them with a well timed excuse.

"Uh..." he stalled, "...I don't know how to swim?"

Cesia and Kitchel sent them twin stony glares.

"...As I was saying earlier," Cesia turned to her friend, "As long as we can make sure we are left alone without anyone else tagging along, I think that will be perfect."

"It's really only the Dragon Fighters we have to worry about," Kitchel rested her chin on her cupped hand as she thought. "Since everyone else either already knows, or won't be hanging out on the castle grounds. If we tell them we want some 'girl time', most of them should leave. And I might be able to dissuade some of the more persistent ones."

Rune felt distinctly nervous at the way her green eyes flicked to him for a moment.

"Um," he said, trying to shake off the feeling, "Um, shouldn't we be going to get fitted?"

"Mmm," Cesia stood, "You're right. We should be there right about now. Come on, R-Pyore," she caught herself.

Rath grimaced, both at the name and at the prospect of getting poked and prodded and wrapped about with various girly layers of material for several hours.

He sighed.

"Fine."

:n:

Fine.

Rath swore to himself, careful not to let the sound escape his lips.

This was defiantly not fine.

This was crap.

Total and utter crap.

"Raise your arms, dear."

He grudgingly did as Cernozura told him, holding his arms out at right angles from his body; his hands dangled limply.

Ignoring the soft chuckle as the woman deftly held up first a piece of deep red material, then quickly wrapped a loop of measuring tape around his bust, Rath sighed again.

"Lower your arms, dear."

He really wouldn't mind, Rath noted to himself, If it weren't for the infuriating giggles that kept filtering through in the background.

"Ooh, Lady Raseleane, I think Rath would look great in this one!"

Cesia and Kitchel, the two "real" females, were curled up on a couch, pouring over a catalogue of all the items in the royal closets.

The half-Yokai girl held up the page they were currently looking at, pointing to the thumbnail picture of the dress in question.

It was a tight-around-the-chest, flowing-around-the-legs little black number that Rath immediately found himself flinching away from.

"That's more suited to Cesia!" Was the first mad thought that dashed through his mind. Before a second one had time to form, however, his train of thought was interrupted by a sharp gasp and yelp of pain.

"Hey! Whaddya think you're doing?"

Rath craned his neck to see Thats, now bracing himself heavily against the arm of a nearby chair, half laced up in what appeared to be a very tight corset.

"That's way too tight," he continued, breathing quickly as he tried to refill his lungs with much needed oxygen.

Cesia glanced at him.

"Calm down. Breath slower. You're going to hyperventilate."

As he attempted to comply, already feeling his vision begin to shimmer and spin before him, Raseleane quickly unlaced the corset a couple of notches.

He took a deep breath, resisting the urge to glare at the Dragon Queen.

"...Thanks."

Rath sweatdropped.

At the very least, no one had attempted to stuff him into one of those devil-traps yet...

"Oh," Cernozura beamed, seemingly unaware of her subject's mental monologue, "Lady Raseleane, could you pass me that corset, please?"

Rath blanched.

Oh, hell no...

:n:

Lykouleon looked up from his paperwork.

"...Ruwalk?"

"No," Ruwalk shook his head, "I heard that scream, too."

"Oh. All right, then."

The Dragon Lord resumed reading documents.

:n:

"What... In Dusis... Are you trying to do?" Rath gasped out. He would be doubled over from the sheer effort of breathing, except that he wasn't able to bend at all without the demon-spawn cutting into his chest.

Rath relished the mental image of his sword slicing the corset, neatly hacking it into multiple parts.

"Do you think that's tight enough?" Cernozura asked, seemingly unsure of herself.

Lady Raseleane considered the panting boy-girl?-'s form, before clasping her hands together, nodding.

"That looks lovely, Rath, darling!"

"His name is Pyore now," Kitchel pointed out with a grin.

Raseleane nodded.

"Pyore. Well, Pyore, hold still and we'll figure out which dress you'll be wearing."

Rath glared at Rune. Of the three of them, he seemed to be having the easiest time with this fitting process: he'd been quickly measured, then shunted off to one side as the other two were poked and prodded.

Thats joined Rath in with giving the elf dirty looks, as now freed from the restraints of the corset, Cernozura held material up to his body in various shades of green.

Rune shifted, feeling distinctly self-conscious. While it was true that all three of them had been stripped down to their underwear, Rath and Thats actually looked as though they weren't supposed to be wearing anything more, as both of them were being constantly measured and the like. He, on the other hand, while he was seated comfortably on a chair in the corner, was still wearing naught but a bra and pair of panties... And he felt damnedawkward in doing so.

Shifting once more, curling his legs up under him this time, he reflected momentarily on how easy it really was to entertain oneself by playing with one's cleavage... Quickly squishing that thought and recoiling from it in shock, Rune pondered once more the question that had been bugging him on and off all day.

Now that he was a girl, did he like boys? Or still girls?

This was really the stupidest thing to wonder about, he noted, blushing slightly. Surely he'd be able to tell easily enough?

That was it, he decided, he just needed to check, really quickly, and no one would ever have to know.

Willing his face to not flush crimson, he glanced up once more, this time purposefully taking in the nearly nude forms of his two compatriots.

Well...

He ducked his head once more, glaring a hole through the hapless carpet.

This would be so much easier if they would just stand still and quite moving around and having arms and material and people in front of them!

But, he glanced back up once more, He did have to admit that they were good-looking. Rune let his eyes travel carefully over Thats'(being the closer one to him) body, taking in his new curves. He then stole a glance at Rath, lingering on his flat stomach.

Okay, yes. They were both rather attractive.

But as Rune looked them over once more, he had to admit to himself that he wasn't being turned on like he would had he walked into the fitting of two girls like that while still male.

O-kay...

So he was still straight, then. Or did this technically make him gay?

Rune was saved from any further confusion by Raseleane's sudden announcement.

"Look at the time! We've already been here for two hours. Cernozura, would you go bring these girls something to drink? They must be thirsty."

Both Rath and Thats nodded eagerly, muttering their thanks as the woman left, quietly closing the door behind her.

"Now," Raseleane smiled at Cesia and Kitchel, "Since you two are finished looking through that," she gestured to the catalogue, "Would you come with me to show me what you've picked out for the girls?"

As both Cesia and Kitchel giggled at the word "girls", the Dragon Queen led them through a back door to where many of the nicer dresses were kept to be tried on.

Thats moaned, speaking to Rath under his breath.

"Bets that they bring back at least ten for each of us?"

The Fire Dragon Knight responded darkly, "Except for faerie boy. There's gonna be one perfect dress for him... Just one. And with no need to be hemmed up or taken out."

Thats groaned at the thought.

"Hell, yeah." He turned to stare accusingly at Rune, "And what were you doing? It looked almost like you were checking us out!"

Eep.

Rune jumped in his seat, face blooming a brilliant red.

"M-me?"

As he met the deadpans of the other two, he relented.

"...Not exactly." Rune shifted under their stares, "I just," he fumbled, "I just was curious if, um, curious as to whether girls... As to whether or not I still liked girls," he admitted with some difficulty.

His response was much different than he expected.

Rune watched, startled as both Rath and Thats flushed slightly and looked to the ground.

"...I take it that you were wondering the same thing."

"...Not anymore," Thats admitted, as Rath bobbed his head several times.

Rune raised his eyebrow, and Rath added in a muttered: "Dragon Fighters."

Wait...

"What?" Rune asked, slightly shocked.

Rath glared at him, still blushing badly.

"I'm sorry Mr. I-Have-No-Sex-Drive, but some of us do. And some of us have... Um..." Rath paused, flustered.

"Noticed," Thats added in, against his will.

Any more information the Knights of Earth and Fire might have revealed was dropped dead, as Cernozura reentered the room, pushing a small cart bearing drinks.

"All right," she said sunnily, "Who's up for some lemonade?"

:n:

Garfakcy sweatdropped, slowly lifting his hand and pointing at the alchemist.

"L-Lord Kharl?"

Kharl smiled disarmingly.

"What?"

"That's..." he exploded suddenly, "That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard! What the hell were you taking? What the hell were you on," he was now ranting, flushed red in the face, "And what," he leaned back, glowering up at the alchemist, "The hell--"

"Hold that thought!" Kharl chirped, deftly dipping his hand into a pocket of his voluminous robes and retrieving a handful of ash(Much to Garfakcy's dismay. How many times now had he warned Kharl not to keep ash spells in his pockets without some sort of protective device around them? But did he ever listen? No... Did he even realize how long it took to get ash stains out of clothing?). The boy's eyes widened, but it was too late.

As he started to hurriedly back up, Kharl tossed the ash. It landed on and around his body, engulfing him in a brilliant white light.

Garfakcy began to cough as the smokey ash settled, and, before he was able to screech at his master again, Kharl continued.

"I believe your next question was going to be 'What the hell was I thinking', correct? Well, Garfakcy," his face lit up with a carefree smile, "I think you would make a very lovely young lady."

Standing before him was a distinctly feminine version of the tri-colored-hair maid, glaring at him for all she was worth.

"...You bastard."

:n:

Kat: I like the blinking. n-n And we agree that they need one more go before I leave. Because I still need to see "Bewitched". :nodding: We really like that idea about the hot air balloon!

Go-ruden Kiba: ...I so do not get that name... Sounds cool, though. :sweatdrop at own stupidity: ...Which one is your sister? Or is this a joint account?

Tarinyo's Forest:cracks up: I'm listed as "Thatz" on my friend's cell phone. But I think I may have told you that already... XD You did finally get it up, though:D

Kayla: XD That's a good way to get a random username!

Yavie Aelinel: Awww. About the popcorn, that is. T-T Yes! Yes, you did! XD And I'd love to switch places with one of them, too. XD

Ojosnegro: XD I put "negra" there, at first... Yay! non Now just for 19!

Old Fiat: Wow, um, I'm honored that you'd actually bother to ask me first! XD Sure, I'm cool with you doing that. Just so long as it's obviously different from mine, that is. n-n; Sorry that I took so long to respond! Tell me when you post it:O

Blackcat686: Any reason for the numbers:will just not put them in the reviewer mentions, otherwise: And thanks!

Yume-Chan29: Haha, I'm taking a slacker summer school class. :sweatdrop:

Chibi Sage Fan:long, long pause: ...Holy hell. :stares at:

Peophin-chan: But you still always get around to it! n-n Besides, I need someone to review late like that... Reminds me that I gotta get around to posting... :sweatdrop:

:n:

Hey, now that I can check the page views, I can tell if someone reads this and doesn't review! Get to it! I want feedback, goshdarnit!

And sorry about that wait and length(or lack of it). On the day I was honestly planning to write most of this... I... Um... I locked myself out of the house... :mega sweatdrop: So I wasn't able to work on writing it...


	11. The muffins are DEMONSPAWN

Disclaimer: I may not own Dragon Knights, but I DO own your sooouuuulll...

Warnings: Swearing. Oddities.

A/N: ...Supreme motherf-- :cuts self off: Okay, I had to type this up. Because I had to freaking write it at band camp. And I'm halfway done, and the computer freezes and I loose it. :pissed: So now, as I'm rewriting this, I'm stopping every few paragraphs to save. It's taking so bloody long. This isn't made better by the fact that I was low on paper when I was writing it, so I had to squeeze in two lines into every -one- line. Plus, my handwriting is horrid normally, and isn't improved by my trying to write while I march or sit on a moving bus.

On a cheerier note, this is being updated ten days short of its one year anniversary! Since I only update once a month, this is as close as I'm gonna get to hitting that magic number(8/28)...

Happy birthday, BWAIHH!

:n:

"This is crap."

Rath nodded in agreement, snatching up a muffin from the cart Cernozura had wheeled in. The lack of breakfast had rendered him hungry, and the sweetened food was calling to him.

"It's the castle: don't they have dresses that would fit without having to measure us all day?"

"Don't ruin their fun," Rune said in a voice of reason, sending a mildly disapproving look at Thats over his drink and taking another sip, "Cernozura and Lady Raseleane enjoy doing this."

Thats rolled his eyes but conceded, lapsing into silence.

"Besides," the elf continued, "What would we be doing instead? You can't very well carry out your regular duties... Unless you like filing reports."

The other two knights shared a disgusted look, and Rath spoke up.

"...Couldn't we be doing something else? Something other than this?"

"Like what?" Thats asked, apparently curious as he seemed to side suddenly with Rune, "Play with the Dragon Fighters all day?"

Rune twitched at the mention of the palace guards, eliciting a snicker from the other two at the well placed comment.

He glared, flushing lightly and muttering.

"It's not my fault."

Thats and Rath grinned at each other again, starting off a barrage of questions and accusations.

"You're just too pretty."

"Were you showing too much cleavage?"

"Everyone knows what it means when a girl wears black underwear."

"Maybe it was your perfume?"

"Yeah. Must be that new 'Raging Slut' scent..."

"Oh, can it," Cesia snapped as she reentered the room, "It wasn't his fault."

Rune turned a bit redder at Cesia's interruption, but didn't object as the other two guys-turned-girls fell into an awkward silence.

Rath took another bite, making an obvious embarrassed attempt to change the subject.

"How much longer will this take?"

"Not much, I think," Kitchel said, walking in as well and casting a questioning glance at Cesia.

"Lady Raseleane is just checking the hem on a dress for Rune," the fortuneteller explained, "We're not sure if it can be taken down any more."

"It's cute," Kitchel added with a giggle, "It'll go perfectly with the Water Dragon."

Rune ignored the loving sigh that accompanied this statement. He had decided that the best course of action to take when it came to the thief and large, slightly scary creatures was to just remain silent. He didn't want to encourage her... And he didn't particularly want Water to be stolen again, either.

Wait, that reminded him.

"I won't be able to be seen with Water."

Thats blinked at him.

"What? Of course you'll be able to be seen with water. You'll have to drink sometime... Oh," he caught himself, "Of course! The Dragon. No, I guess you're right. I won't be able to get Earth, either. The same with Rath and Fire."

Rath gave a curt nod in agreement.

"It's still a lovely dress," Cesia concluded, brushing off the complaint.

"And Lady Raseleane said she had a pair of earrings that were made to match it," Kitchel added enthusiastically, glancing at Rune's still-pointed(Now that he thought about it, how was it that they were passing for random village maidens, if they were still obviously Dragon clan or Faerie?) ears.

"I wonder how many holes you could get in there? I bet at least a dozen, very easily."

Wh-what?" Rune stared at her incredulously. "I'm not getting my ears pierced!"

"But they'd look so cute!"she enthused.

"I could do them for you," Cesia mused, "I had my own pierced by the witch back in the Misty Valley... I think I remember how it was done."

When Rune blanched and Thats began to silently shake with laughter, Cesia scoffed.

"Come on. I was just joking. Of course I remember how. I just need a needle. And some ice. Unless you know a spell to numb flesh."

Rune shook his head, then quickly added, "And it's not that I don't trust you, Cesia, but I would really feel better with someone who has done this before."

"Does that mean you're actually willing to do it?" Kitchel asked, amazed.

Cesia accepted Rune's argument, stating, "Kai-Stern knows how. He pierced Rath's ear."

Rune protested faintly, "But..."

Raseleane conveniently entered the fitting room at this time, followed by a trio of slightly nervous looking maids bearing three elaborate dresses in red, green, and blue.

"Here we are!" She smiled, ushering the three young women in after her.

Rune shifted. He was suddenly reminded of the fact that they were wearing the bare minimum: not exactly proper attire in the company of others one didn't know... Especially when one's brain kept thinking of them as the opposite gender.

Kitchel jumped up, abandoning her half-finished drink in favor of swooning over the gowns.

"Wow," she exclaimed, "They look even nicer off the racks. Did you get the hem down?"

Raseleane nodded, an enthusiastic smile adorning her face.

"Yes. It should be just the right length now."

"We took it down a half inch, just to put it back up a quarter," the maid carrying the blue dress muttered, earning herself a disapproving nudge and a nervous giggle from one of the two others next to her.

"Would you three try these on now?" the Dragon Queen asked, sending the maids with a wave of her hand passing the three gowns to the(bemused) fortuneteller and thief.

Thats and Rune stood, the prior eyeing the vast layers of material dubiously, and the latter crossing his arms over his chest self-consciously.

Raseleane turned to the Knight of Fire, a look of concern spreading over her fine features.

"Rath?"

Cesia looked at him as well.

"Are you all right?"

Rath was sitting low in the chair, eyes closed tightly. A fine sheen of sweat was glistening on his face, and a red flush was on his cheeks.

"Rath? " Rune asked, slightly worried.

"...Are you in labor?" Thats tossed in.

Rath managed to open his eyes, glaring ferociously.

This was pain. Not pain like what he was accustomed to, with the familiar constricting of his chest and the slow draining of his strength, or of tearing slashes and gouges making him sharply aware of his both his own existence and fragility.

No... This was the same strangling pain as the previous day's, the one that had rendered him bend double and with a clouded, swirling mind. As he had previously known, pain was a great stimulant and prevented him from relaxing, much less stopping the sickening swaying of the room.

Cesia noticed the half-eaten and abandoned muffin.

"Yes," she commented, "Oil can do that."

"Oil?" Thats asked, taking his eyes off his struggling-to-appear-normal friend and onto the food.

Kitchel nodded, as Cesia tossed the remainder of the muffin to a grateful Thats.

"It's not unheard of," Kitchel said, leaning over to investigate the fine golden stitching on the skirt of the crimson dress in Cesia's arms. "It doesn't happen to everyone, but it's definitely not uncommon. You just need to make you not to eat the things that will set you off."

"That's great," Rath barely managed to deadpan through tightly clenched teeth, "But I didn't know," he growled, "That this would happen."

"He has a point," Cesia pointed out as Rune smacked Kitchel's hand away from the temptingly dangling gems on the red bodice.

The half-Yokai girl paused, looking consideringly at Rath.

"...Would you like me to help you with that?"

"Couldn't you do it?" Thats asked Rune, brushing the remainder of the muffin crumbs off his hands.

The elf shook his head. "I can heal things. Like I said earlier, I can't numb pain. ...Well, unless by doing so I close the wound, or something to that extent."

"Yeah," Thats agreed with him, "I don't think closing his fallopian tubes would help much," he paused, "Probably just make it worse, actually."

Rath made to dig in his proverbial heels in stubborn defiance over Cesia's suggestion. He did not need to be relieved of this mere physical pain. If he could handle anything, it was the struggle with a wash of discomfort.

Another cramp made its crescendo through his lower abdomen, and Cesia watched his eyes glaze over slightly, wincing as she almost felt the strong wave of nausea that would accompany the pain.

She sighed: half worried and half exasperated.

"Rath, come here. I'm going to pick out a pair of earrings for your dress, and I need you to come with me so I can tell which ones are too long. It doesn't look good if they hit your shoulders."

Against his will, an unexpected voice in the back of his head started speaking of how utterly embarrassing it would be were he to be ill in front of the others. And, it pointed out, that was what was bound to happen if he stayed here too much longer.

Rath found himself suddenly embarrassed, even more so than he would normally be, at the thought of losing face in such a way in public.

Cesia let Rath stand(albeit shakily) on his own, and led him carefully from the room.

The other blinked at the unforeseen outcome.

"...Must've been pretty bad if he accepted that lame excuse," Thats commented.

"Oh, then can be a bitch," Kitchel said cheerfully, now holding all three gowns tightly to her body, as Cesia had deposited the one she had been hanging onto in her grasp as she brushed by her.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, suddenly remembering and turning to face the Dragon Queen, "These are for your anniversary party, right? Congratulations!"

Raseleane's face lit up into a broad smile, a soft pink blush alighting over her pale cheeks.

"Yes," she sighed blissfully.

As Kitchel gave a bubbly response, asking how it felt to be together for so long and whether it was just as "enjoyable" as it had been in the early years, Rath and Cesia entered the spacious palace room once more.

Thats noted with a mental grin that both of them were acting as if their real purpose had been to fetch the jewelry in question.

Rune, on the other hand, was still rather surprised at how well Rath's ego had taken the intervention.

Before he had the chance to comment, even to himself, on this, the Dragon Knight of Earth spoke up.

"Back already?" Thats paused, suddenly noticing something, then continued, slightly flustered in spite of himself. "Rath, your amulet's, um..." he never did finish his observation, placing sudden false(well, not really) interest in the dangling silver and ruby earrings in Cesia's grasp.

Rath flushed slightly, yanking the blood-red drop from where it had slid into the front of his bra, snapping, "Why were you looking?"

"I didn't mean to," Thats sweatdropped, still investigating the jewelry, now joined by a slightly-too-interested Kitchel.

"Calm down," Cesia rolled amber eyes at Rath and snatched the earrings away from the two thieves. "It doesn't matter. We're... Uh... We're all girls, here."

She and Kitchel shot a sidelong glance at one another and started to quietly giggle.

"Why do you still find this so funny?" Rath, still annoyed, asked, although they paid him no heed.

Raseleane intervened.

"Rath, now that you're back, I'd like all three of you to try these on," she smiled giving a small wave of her hand to the dresses.

"And we can start working on their hair," Cernozura added in, sliding back into the room from the hallway.

Thats blinked, then turned to Rune.

"...Did you even see her leave?"

Rune shook his head.

"Girl thing I guess."

"Maybe ninja."

Cernozura gave a short laugh, shaking her head, but seemingly pleased by their comments.

"No, I was just interviewing a young lady for the position of castle maid."

The Dragon Queen appeared interested in this news.

"Really? Did you hire her? We've been short on staff for a while now."

Cernozura faltered.

"Well..."

:n:

"So do you have an experience in housekeeping?"

Cernozura looked apprehensively at the skinny little girl seated in front of her, oddly green eyes narrowed in slowly simmering anger.

She couldn't help thinking that this... Child, really, didn't look like she had hit puberty, much less as if she had any experience with holding down a steady job.

"Of course I have!" She snapped, shaking her(obviously, Cernozura thought, And rather cheaply, too) dyed hair flying about her tiny frame. "I've cleaned Lord Kharl's cas-- mansion for years."

That wasn't a lie, Garfakcy smirked to himself. A castle is a type of mansion... A very large one. And both a couple and a couple hundred are years.

"And why did you leave your last job?" Cernozura asked, dutifully continuing the interview as she always did.

Well, not always.

There had been that one time when the applicant had shown up to the interview too drunk to spell her own name. She had only been shown the door once she insisted on trying to start up a rather heated debate on the benefits of plastic versus cardboard with the highly confused Dragon Fighter who had had the unlucky task of delivering a message to the embarrassed and dumbfounded castle caretaker.

At least this girl hadn't regressed into a slurring and pms-ing tampon spokeswoman yet.

"I didn't!"

Cernozura blinked, shaking herself out of her thoughts, and tried to remember where this conversation had been going.

This last question seemed to have struck a nerve, but she was unable to figure out what it had been.

"I'm still... I mean," Garfakcy struggled to get his story together and himself under control, "I just recently stopped working for him. I still think that I work for him, sometimes," he attempted to explain, "But I left because... The danger pay wasn't high enough."

The head maid paused in her notes, startled at this unusual response, then marked it down.

Danger pay...

Yes, this "mission" qualified as dangerous. He was trekking into enemy territory, after all, charged with discovering--

Garfakcy's mental rant was cut short by the next inquiry.

"And why do you want to take up this position?"

"I want the chance to work my way up the corporate ladder," Garfakcy managed to get out with a straight face, adding in almost as an afterthought, "And cleaning is a way of life."

Cernozura nodded taking down the answer.

"I agree," she said with a friendly smile.

Oh, my god... Her mind screamed at her, Who was this freak? She was barely restraining herself from gaping in shock: only the years of ingrained niceties were now preventing her from doing so.

"And you are aware that you would be staying in the castle and abiding by our curfew?"

Garfakcy nodded.

"Yes. I have no problems with it."

"Well," Cernozura was still a bit uncomfortable with hiring this young lady. While she had produced official-looking documents stating her to be of legal hiring age and listing her name as "Garfanny"(It had been Kharl's idea. He had found it hilarious. Garfakcy, on the other hand, would have preferred to have been thrown into a ship full of bored and unscrupulous sailors, wearing naught but his current form and a smearing of cookie dough.) and from the far-off village of Costa Rica.

She was... Uneasy, however, although she couldn't place her finger on exactly why.

They did need more cleaning staff at the moment, and this girl was the most qualified and enthusiastic she had seen so far. That was a rather pathetic testament, Cernozura noted, to the staff moral among the other girls working or applying for jobs at the castle.

She was suited, and there was no reason why she shouldn't be hired.

"...I think I'll give you a position here. On a trial basis for the first month."

Cernozura stated this as though it was customary, but had a feeling that they both knew it was an exception she was making: that with the "open door" policy of the castle, both maids and fighters were usually hired on the spot, without any waiting period.

"Fine," Garfakcy stood, brushing imaginary dust off his light vest and darker pants: he was still wearing the same outfit as usual, and it fit his new body perfectly.

"I'll have one of the other maids show you your dormitory -you'll be in Block thirteen- and the chart of rooms to clean. You can spend the rest of today getting settled in and learning your way around. I expect you to be at breakfast in the mess hall tomorrow by five thirty."

As she had been explaining this, Cernozura had walked around from her desk to the single oaken door leading to and from the small office she had been conducting the conference in. She opened it, quickly spotting a plain-looking young girl with long braided black hair and wearing the castle's traditional maid's billowing dress.

"Havana!" She called, attracting the maid's attention, "Would you show Garfanny around?"

Cernozura was oblivious the the very slight twitch given by Garfakcy at the sound of his mutilated name.

"I'll assign someone else to the rest of your work for today."

Havana's eyes lit up at this chance to get out of work, and she nodded eagerly.

"Yes'm. Should I get her a spare uniform now, too?"

Crap, Garfakcy swore to himself.

He didn't want to dress in drag, and he didn't want to be shown around the Dragon Castle by some bore of a girl.

Damn that Yokai and his foolhardy plans!

When this was over, he vowed as he was grudgingly led away, there would be hell to pay in Arinas.

:n:

A/N:coughs: Did you catch my attempt to cover for the fact that without a copy of the story in front of me I tend to forget what happened... Like, say, who was in the room? I made that mistake twice, actually... I just caught it earlier the first time.

:n:

Ginsing:tackles: You haven't reviewed in so looonnng... But it's all good as I talk to you on AIM. XD Oh, by the way... When you come here? For the RP-ing? The Dragon Knights... When are we going as them? ...I mean, from when in the books? Because we were thinking either the very beginning or about where they are now... And I was thinking now, as those costumes are cooler. XD ...And that line so is not. I claim that one for myself. :mock anger:

Blackcat: Oh. Okay. :lazy, so leaves out: Well, it is a rather cool number...

Yokai no Miko: Haha... I'm worse than they are. Obviously. I'm writing this. XD

Tarinyo's Forest: Well, we don't see him as a woman so much as a preteen girl, but... :shifty eyes: You're on Gaia? Did you tell me this before:is on Gaia, too:

Yavie Aelinel: ...Ew. XD I know what you mean, though. :has choked on things like that while laughing before:

Old Fiat: Okay. n-n; :no longer remembers what's going on:

Chibi-Muse-Chan: ...This review makes considerably more sense than the last one... Well, you know... I got confused about that. I mean, if one is straight, but then one flips their gender... Well, then presumably one would be gay, actually. :shifty eyes: But I get confused easily, and decided that the spell would also flip their sexuality... Only not... :confusing self more:

Go-ruden Kiba: Oh. Well, that sounds awesome. non My name means... Well, actually it's short for "dragoninaquajogger", which is short for "dragon in an aquajogger", which is short for "fire-breathing lizard in a water-floatation device", but... And I feel bad for you. No internet 'cause you didn't know the password... :laughing at:

Dark-Birdie: ...Your name reminds me of Zoma... Hmmm... I really wanna see Nohiro as a girl, but...


	12. For the love of closets!

Disclaimer: Grawr.

Warnings: Language, feminine issues, swimsuits, closeted lesbians. Do I need a warning for that last one? I don't think so, actually...

:n:

"You look adorable!"

Garfakcy stared down at himself, green eyes widened at the vast wash of sweeping navy skirts. It was a spare dress, having belonged, Havana had informed him, to one of her old roommates. She hadn't seemed particularly keen on explaining why the other had left, quickly changing the subject, and Garfakcy was not in the mood to question her.

In fact, he wasn't really in the mood for any of this.

Sweatdropping as he now took in with something nearing horror the tightly-bound brown bodice, Garfakcy shivered to himself.

The friendly maid didn't seem to notice, however, as she continued flattering the fit.

"It actually looks good on you. You're so skinny!" She sighed somewhat enviously.

He glanced at her momentarily, distracted from his shock by her comment.

"Yeah... Whatever," he mumbled, wanting too much to rip the material to shreds to pay her much attention. Rip it into shreds and then throw them away, he corrected himself.

The one thing that was true about this facade was that Garfakcy did make an excellent housekeeper.

"Fanny?"

It took Garfakcy a second to realize that she was talking to him.

"What?" He asked, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"I... I'm sorry," Havana faltered, biting her lip, "I can call you Garfanny, if you'd prefer..."

Garfakcy barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes, a feat he thought quite impressive.

"Whatever. What were you going to ask?"

"I'm supposed to show you around the castle," she said tentatively, sounding faintly apologetic.

Garfakcy wanted to wince at her tone, but, once again, kept an impassive expression.

"Fine."

She nodded, giving him a soft relieved smile.

...I scare her, he realized suddenly. This knowledge gave him a small surge of triumph, one that burned warmly behind his now slightly narrowed jade eyes.

Havana didn't notice this sadism, however, as she was already turning for the door, leading him out of the small bathroom he had changed in.

"This way," she said cheerfully, slightly heeled shoes clicking on the marble floor with her fast steps.

Garfakcy almost stumbled as he quickened his pace to keep up with her longer strides. He wasn't used to heels, even these thick wedges issued by the castle and barely rising an inch off the ground. They were still an adjustment from his flat supple boots, though he was rapidly gaining the hang of them.

They weren't that comfortable, he thought sulkily to himself. They were on the tight side, the stiff heel rubbing uncomfortably against a fold in the dark stockings he had been forced into. He could see the slight height change, however, and had to grudgingly admit that it was nice to be an inch taller.

"These are the inner halls," Havana explained, for all the world as if she was showing a tourist around a popular attraction, adding in with a touch of pride, "these are the rooms that our dorm cleans. The doors branching off this hallway all lead to the guest chambers for when the Lord is meeting with diplomats and they need a place to stay overnight. We're in the process of giving them a good once-over, because they're also going to be used to put up the guests for Lord Lykouleon and Lady Raseleane's anniversary ball."

She gave a happy sigh.

"Isn't it romantic?"

Garfakcy stared at her incredulously and she flushed a bright red and hurriedly continued.

"A-and, um, if you continue up here," she said, lifting her skirts slightly off the ground and starting up a wide flight of stairs, "we'll get to the private chambers of the Officers, Knights, and Lady Cesia."

She waved her hand down a second hallway, larger and more richly furnished than the first, with intricate carvings of flowing plant growth bleeding into draconian forms decorating the ceiling beams. The doors were all double and warmly polished, the hard floor beneath their feet seemed to glow from within from the multiple cleanings it received daily. Large windows looked out on their left over the sprawling castle gardens far below, a glimmer of water in the distance denoting the presence of a lake. Where before the doors had been spaced fairly close together, these had a greater distance between them, and it was obvious that the chambers they were hiding from view were massive, with several individual rooms apiece.

As much as he didn't want to, and as used as he was to the coiling majesty of Kharl's castle back in Arinas, Garfakcy was unable to prevent his eyes from widening at the sight.

"These are the private chambers?" He asked, receiving a bubbly nod and smile from the other maid, and walked slowly over to the nearest of the large windows. Garfakcy placed one of his hands on it, each individual glass panel that made it up as large as his head.

"No wonder Lykouleon's got his rooms back here," he admitted admiringly.

"Oh, Lord Lykouleon and Lady Raseleane don't have their private chambers here."

He pulled his gaze from peering down into the mesh of greenery.

"...What?"

"Their rooms are further back. I think they're another floor up," Havana mused, "I'm not too sure exactly where. Lady Cernozura is in charge of them, so I've never seen them myself. I hear they're grand, though," she fantasized, clasping her hands together.

"They must be enormous, and filled with all sorts of lovely items, with windows that overlook the whole of the castle grounds..."

Garfakcy stopped listening to her, spinning fully around as footsteps sounded nearby. Voices were speaking, growing steadily louder, and it wasn't long before a small group of females rounded the corner at the far end of the long hallway.

"...Didn't even buy this! In fact, I didn't ask you to, either!"

"Oh, shut up! Stop being such a pussy about this! None of the others are making such a fuss!"

"That's because we're too ashamed to open our mouths."

The girl with the long wavy black hair cast a glare at the smaller girl walking beside her, letting her equally dark locks fall into her drawn face.

Garfakcy ignored them, however, all his attention placed on the blonde who had first spoken, now self-consciously adjusting the large white towel she had wrapped from above her chest to her knees.

Yes, that had to be him, the one that Dragon Fighter was describing.

Garfakcy had never met him personally, but the faerie magic radiating off of him, combined with the faint traces of recently cast shape-shifting magic...

A slow taunting smirk began to spread across his features.

So this was the famous Dragon Knight of Water.

That meant that two of the other four were the Knights of Fire and Earth, Rath and Thats.

He looked them over quickly, immediately picking out Rath by his white forelock and Thats by the very faded scar across his face.

Cool jade eyes glittered as he realized that he had been led straight to the start of his mission. He had identified the three Dragon Knights with ease: now he had just to get close enough to them to discover... A few key facts.

And once that was done, he could tell Lord Kharl to get on with his half of the plan. The sooner this was accomplished, the sooner he would be back in his normal body.

He was startled out of his thoughts by someone tugging anxiously on his long sleeve.

"...Eh?"

Garfakcy tore his gaze from the rapidly approaching females to look up at a nervous Havana, suddenly realizing that she was talking rapidly to him under her breath.

"...Back, and curtsy," she whispered hurriedly to him, repeating her message as she gathered that he hadn't heard her properly.

"Step back and curtsy."

Garfakcy blinked, startled, and automatically obeyed the command, offering up a light dip that was nearly as refined as the lower one given by the black haired girl beside him.

As the five girls disappeared down the main stairway, Havana spoke up.

"That was Lady Cesia, the castle fortuneteller, and her friends."

"Do you know their names?" Garfakcy asked, feigning interest. He only wanted his conclusion verified, although he didn't need Havana to help him with that.

Havana furrowed her brow, trying to recall what she had heard at the breakfast table through the quickly moving castle grapevine.

"One is Pyore, and one Rune... Like Lord Rune the Dragon Knight," she giggled, "isn't that a coincidence?"

Garfakcy sweatdropped, mentally wondering about the girl's intelligence.

"And the last is Kitchel." Havana looked momentarily confused. "No, that's not right. Lady Kitchel was one, and the other..." Her sentence trailed off as she tried to fit the pieces together logically. "...I must've misheard or forgotten her name," she said apologetically.

"I should know this..." she lapsed into silence once more, slightly flustered.

Noting that Kharl would be pleased to hear that Rath had been the only one sane enough to think up a decent name for himself, Garfakcy nodded, pretending to be placated with her explanation and not noticing her blush.

"So what now? Which of these rooms am I supposed to be cleaning?"

"They're at the end," the other said cheerfully, gesturing for him to follow her. "Down here. You're lucky! You're in charge of Lord Rath's room, F-... Garfanny."

Garfakcy was torn between smirking at her strict use of his "full" name or smirking at his mental image of Lord Kharl when he discovered exactly where he would be spending much of his time.

"This is it."

He looked up at the wide oaken double doors that stood before him at the very far end of the hall, right as it turned the corner into another long row of spacious chambers.

Testing the doorknob, he was surprised to find it unlocked. Didn't these Dragons know anything about securing their privacy?

Garfakcy stepped in and nearly stumbled, eyes open wide in abject horror.

"Lord Rath is out on a mission with the other two Knights," she explained cheerfully, apparently unaware that her charge looked faintly ill, "so you only need to clean his rooms once and then go over them again quickly once he gets back."

The bed was not only unmade, but spilling over onto the floor as if someone had been in such a hurry to vacate it that they had tripped over their sheets, pulling all of the bedding halfway off and into a sloppy pile that overlapped a small heap of unfolded shirts. These appeared to have been tossed to the ground from the open dresser standing at an odd tilt away from the wall. There were shattered bits of metal scattered across the scuffed floor, mingling with books in varying states of disrepair. The windows leading out onto the small porch, Garfakcy noted with growing distaste, seemed to have been left open for the past day, and a puddle of rainwater was washed across the nearby floor and papers.

Garfakcy didn't think he would be able to clean this place only once.

"It's a bit disorderly," the other maid acknowledged, sending her two long braids bouncing with a small nod, "but once you get it in order you'll only have basic chores until he returns."

Garfakcy shuddered, still not paying her any attention: he was too busy being repulsed by the mess.

Havana mistook his shudder and the slight tic to his eyebrow and hands to mean that he disliked the idea of added work, and quickly elaborated.

"Oh, it's not that bad! Just laundry, really, and cleaning the hallways and entrances. It goes fast, and then you'll have a good deal of the day off to relax and get to know your way around this place. Besides," she smiled, "that's for tomorrow. Since this is your first day, you don't have to do any work yet. C'mon," the girl tentatively took his hand, leading him from the room. "I've been let off work early, and none of the others will be done yet. While we're waiting for them, why don't I show you around the palace gardens?"

Garfakcy let himself be led away, his mind still reeling as he ticked off ever more things that needed to be done to the room.

The paint behind the dresser was beginning to chip: obviously from being scraped against so many times. He had caught a glimpse of a damp towel lying on the floor in the bathroom, and something was half-shoved under the bed that looked suspiciously like a demon-hunting trophy.

One that had once been alive and was now sprouting life of its own...

:n:

Kitchel slid into the lake, letting the cool water rush over her skin and face and shivering delightedly at the sudden drop in temperature. She chanced to open her eyes and was pleasantly surprised at how clear the water was. It was shallow where she had entered, only around three feet deep, and the bottom was easily visible. Turning slowly underwater, she could see for a good distance out towards the middle of the lake before the water became too shadowed and murky to view what lay beyond.

Coming up with a gasp, light hair whipping around her face, Kitchel looked towards the shore.

And glared at the four figures still sitting on it.

"The water's fine, you know. You can come on in."

"See?" Cesia said, exasperated, "just go in, already."

Both girls were met with three stubborn stares and a muttered obscenity.

Cesia narrowed amber eyes.

"It's too hot out here. And its not like anyone's around to see."

The three Knights shifted uncomfortably, towels covering their entire bodies, all of them looking rather out of place next to the two bikini-clad girls.

"Fine," Thats finally muttered, slowly dropping his towel and quickly slipping into the water. He had to admit that it was a lot more comfortable, especially as this end of the large lake didn't have much shade at its shore.

"You guys coming in, too?" When she received no response, Kitchel shook her head. "Suit yourselves. When you start to bake, feel free to join us."

"In the meanwhile," Cesia said, sliding into the cool lake beside the other two, her tiny black swimsuit turning even darker with the water, "we need to discuss what our official story is. If we're to stick to it for a month, it needs to be free of holes."

Rath glanced briefly at Thats, then averted his gaze, snickering behind his closed fist.

"I'm not pregnant," the Knight of Earth scowled. "It's a dumb story."

"I rather like it," Kitchel grinned, ducking under the surface just in time to avoid the wave of water sent flying her way.

"It's believable," she continued, popping back up. "That's the sort of thing that could actually happen, especially in such a small town where everyone knows everybody else."

"Wait... Thats could get knocked up in a small town?" Rath asked, honestly confused.

"No," Cesia scoffed, irritatedly running a hand through her black hair, all of it still dry except for its tips where it trailed in the water. "That a girl pregnant before she was married in such a community might leave before it was obvious!"

"...We could just say we're here on vacation," Rune suggested sheepishly, ashamed that he had agreed to the excuse in the first place.

"But you already told your boyfriend about this one!" Rath interjected, cutting him off.

The elf flushed a deep crimson.

"He's not my damn boyfriend!"

Cesia spoke up, smoothly leading them away from that confrontation.

"I agree with Rath. It's too much trouble to go back and redo our explanation, especially as Santiago's probably told all of the other Dragon Fighters about it."

Rune looked startled.

"But... I told him to keep it to himself!"

"Please," Kitchel rolled her eyes heavenwards, brushing wet locks of hair from her face. "You really think he'd do that? You'd have to give him a pretty heavy bribe."

"I told you he should sleep with him," Thats muttered darkly, sinking farther down and letting the water come up to his bare shoulders.

The castle fortuneteller swiftly cut short that potentially violent argument as well.

"No one is sleeping with anybody." She ignored Rath's stifled laugh at her comment and continued speaking. "We'll just hope that not too many people have heard it yet but, as it is likely that most of the castle already knows the rumor, be prepared to pretend that it's true."

"Which means consolidating our stories!" Kitchel added cheerfully, then suddenly turned slyly to the Earth Dragon Knight.

"So, Thats, who's the father?"

She was unable to duck this second wave as it hit her in the face and Cesia continued as the thief coughed, her hysterical laughter not making it any easier for her to breathe.

"That's a good question, actually. We need to come up with a name and you three need to get your facts straight on how you know each other and me."

"We've grown up together," Rath said quickly, "and you're my cousin. ...Once removed." He added, comfortably tugging the large white towel tighter around his slim body.

Cesia nodded, "I don't see any problems with that. It's plausible. Where are you headed after this month's stop here?"

"I said something about going to stay with my family in Memphis," Rune said, suddenly remembering this fact.

There was a gasp and Kitchel appeared, leaning heavily on the firm lake bed, still sniggering to herself, though now more from Thats' reaction than her simple joke.

Rune looked at her questioningly, shaking his head as a slight breeze blew his long hair into his eyes and moved the light cloud cover, causing the sun to glare suddenly off the lake.

"Is she okay?" He asked, gesturing towards the female thief.

"You're an elf," Thats stated crossly, crossing his arms on the bank on Cesia's other side, "if she passes out, you can always revive her."

:n:

"...And there's a lake up ahead!"

Garfakcy sighed monotonously. He had been listening to this idle chatter for the past half hour, though it felt more like several lifetimes.

A schoolgirl could fall in and out of love exactly twelve times in the thirty minutes he had been following along with the maid's game of tour guide.

...Thirty-one.

"There," she pointed through a small gap in the trees in front of the path they were winding their way down. "It's normally empty at this time of the day, but it looks like there's some people in it..." Havana craned her neck, taking a few steps off the path for a better look.

"Oh," she turned faintly red at the realization of whom she was spying on hit her. Nervously tucking a strand of black hair that had fallen out of its restraints behind her ear, Havana dropped her voice slightly, finishing her speech quickly.

"Well, this is the lake. We usually come down here on our breaks or holidays. In the winter it'll freeze over, and you can ice skate here. Now," she paused suddenly, distracted by the movement down by the lake's surface.

Garfakcy looked over as well, watching the slick flash of dark green as one of the girls pulled herself out of the clear water.

"Um, now... We should probably head back to the dormitory."

The words startled him, and Garfakcy turned just as the other spun about, dark braids whipping the air behind her.

"Come on," Havana called, already a couple paces ahead of him, "the others should be finishing now, and you still need to meet them."

He blinked, then followed after her without complaint: straightening out the few items he had brought with him sounded like a good plan. Garfakcy had taken a few steps back down the dirt path when the feel of something warm and distinctly wet on his very upper, very inner leg caused him to jolt to a halt, eyes wide.

Kharl, Garfakcy thought to himself in a mixture of numbing shock and fury, I'm going to friggin' kill you.

:n:

A/N: ...That actually didn't take that much longer than I thought it would. I was betting on an update that was late by at least a week and a half. Wow. :impressed with self:

:n:

RandomRathFan: It was something like... O-OU ...Just so you know. XD

Go-ruden Kiba: ...I kept forgetting they were naked(more or less)... :sweatdrop: But they did get dressed... Sorta. XD Swimsuits: not a big difference, eh?

Tarinyo's Forest: ...Okay, ya know what? I'll call you Kagome again from now on. -.-; :too long to write all that:

Kat: Oh no! Of course I don't own your soul. We've decided this already. That would be mighty awkward, don't you guys agree? ...Okay, I'm going to tell a couple of them to shut up, as they are of the opinion that having random manslaves would be a rather fun thing. :sweatdrop: MOST of us here(including me) agree, though. n-n;

Yume-chan29: ...I got it. For right now? They are "whatever"-sexuals. :sweatdrop: That name seems to be popular... :had just needed to find a random name right before posting:

Jin: NADIL:glomps: Have fun in Japan. n-n

Dark-Birdie: Hehe... I'd love to see a picture of that. XD

Blackcat: n-n Thank you!

ShadowDown: Your name sounds so pretty... :heart:

The Shadowess: XD What the hell indeed. And, yes. :shifty eyes: Corset. ...Don't let Thats hear you. :giggles and ducks flying object:

:n:

School has started, therefore I need reviews to remind me to work on stories instead of homework. :D

...Well, no. I need reviews to remind me to work on stories during all free breaks and downtime. :sweatdrop:


	13. No tea for you!

Disclaimer: Blaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Warnings: Same as always.

A/N: Big thanks to all for not complaining about the new update schedule(OR the obscene wait that came after it!). n-n; You guys rock, honestly.

:n:

"Have you seen the Knights?"

Lord Lykouleon looked up from his deskwork, teal eyes flickering with confusion.

"The Knights? No. Why?"

Tetheus was impassive, his drawn face betrayed by the slight tension to his voice.

"It's not that important... Not yet. I've detected some demon energy around the castle. I don't think it's a threat to the security of the castle, but I wanted to inform them of it. However..."

"You haven't been able to find them," Lykouleon nodded, a slight smile playing at his features. "You're not the first to come looking for them today. Alfeegi was here as well."

"How strange."

Tetheus glanced briefly out the large glass windows lighting up the study behind the Dragon Lord.

"Should I send someone to look for them, my lord?"

Lykouleon shook his head, lips still barely upturned.

"No. They'll be back. I recommend looking for them at supper. I've never known them to miss one of Cernozura's meals." He paused, suddenly remembering. "...Well, apart from last night. I don't suppose that counts, though. They were distracted."

Tetheus nodded in agreement, a dry laugh threatening to show itself in his carefully blank expression.

"Yes, I think they have an excuse. It's not every day one grows two cup sizes."

The Dragon Lord concentrated on withholding a snicker as well, and the Black Dragon Officer continued.

"Three, actually, in Thats' case."

Lykouleon broke down, laughing off his tension at this absurdity.

"Do I want to know how you learned this?"

"It's a matter of security, my lord," Tetheus said with an innocent air, secretly glad he had caused the Dragon Lord to relax. "I needed to find out somehow. After all, armor doesn't adjust by itself."

The blonde haired man nodded, catching the fleeting reference to the dangerous position Dragoon had found itself in with this sudden transformation.

"No, I suppose it doesn't." There was a brief silence in which neither man spoke, then Lykouleon added in more seriously, "look for them at dinner. I'll set aside time for a conference. I think it's high time we speak to them of their continuing responsibilities as Dragon Knights."

:n:

Rath shivered suddenly, whipping his head around to stare into the foliage, crimson eyes narrowed.

"What is it?" Rune asked in a whisper, swirling around as well and placing his hand on the other's arm.

Rath growled under his breath, shaking his head.

"...Nothing. I thought I heard someone."

Two fading steps of heeled footsteps, one leaving behind a faint demonic trail, were inaudible under the birdsong and chatter behind them.

"Hey!" Kitchel pulled herself out of the water and onto the grassy bank, snapping the tension. "Hey, Rath? If you really wanted to get a tan, all you'd have to do would be to stand really close to your dragon while he's breathing Fire, right? Because the flames wouldn't hurt you, right?"

Rath stared at her.

"...It was just a thought."

Cesia giggled as well, shimming up onto the bank next to the other three.

"Rune, have you told Tintlett about this yet?"

The elf jumped, eyes wide and nervous.

"Wh-what? No... Why?"

"Weren't you saying something about trust? How you needed to tell each other this sort of stuff?"

Rune glared at a teasing Rath, flushing red.

"What sort of thing?" Cesia asked, arching a slender eyebrow. "You two swore to notify each other every time a curse backfired and you got gender-flipped?"

Rune paused, totally flustered.

"Weird marriage vows," Thats spoke up, shaking water out of his long hair and imagining the scene. "I vow, before heaven and earth, to tell my dearly beloved of every time I grow a cli--"

"Thats!" The Dragon Knight of Water shouted, obviously scandalized at the mere thought.

Cesia laughed behind her hand, intervening quickly and pulling her legs under her to kneel upon them.

"You were saying that you should notify her, though, right?"

Behind her, Thats, still in the water tugged wet brown hair out of his eyes, wiping his face and pulling a grimace.

"Rune, how can you stand this hair on a daily basis? Mine's only shoulder-length now, but it's still a pain!"

"Oh, you had longer hair before," Kitchel pointed out as Rath smugly glanced at his still-short dark locks. "Remember? It was in a ponytail."

"It still wasn't this long," The Dragon Knight of Earth insisted, trying yet again to brush it completely out of his face without result.

"You should tie it back," Cesia commented, then turned both her face and the subject back to Rune. "And you should tell Tintlett about this."

"Just leave us out of it," Rath said, gesturing sharply at Thats and himself.

Cesia rolled her eyes. "And how would that work? Please, Rath, she won't care, anyway."

"...Might find it funny, though."

"...Might want to come down and help us out." The fortuneteller and thief grinned evilly at each other.

Rune's eyes widened.

"What? You can't make me send for her!"

"We never said that." Kitchel's voice was wavering with withheld mischief. The Knight of Water eyed her suspiciously as she snatched up a towel, handing Cesia a second.

"We'll just send for her ourselves," Cesia laughed, the sound fiery upon the rustle of leaves.

"H-hey, wait!" Rune reached out to grab hold of them, but struggled with the towel wrapped tightly about himself. Unable to get his arm out before the two girls had leapt to their feet and darted off into the trees, he overbalanced, falling to the ground.

As the snap of branches and high giggles began to fade, Rath shook his head.

"...Sucks to be you."

:n:

"The others should be done about now," Havana said, still slightly harried from their near-encounter with the upper-class females.

"I can take you back to our dorm and you can meet them. Oh, this'll be fun!" She chattered on, kicking her dangling legs as she sat on the counter next to the bathroom sinks.

Sending a brief glance at the silent stall, she continued.

"Too bad your period had to start when we were way out in the gardens. At least it's the first day still, though."

Not understanding what she meant or even sure if he wanted to, Garfakcy went back to staring at the small(and yet all too large) plastic and cotton contraption in his hand. A feeling of impeding doom spread over the tiny stall and the narration thankfully moved back outside to give the short henchman some privacy as he hoisted up his full skirts.

"You'll have to borrow off someone else if it gets too heavy," Havana continued, waiting patiently for the other to rejoin her, "my flow stays pretty low."

She flushed slightly at this display of personal information, and hoped that her charge hadn't been able to hear what she said.

Garfakcy, meanwhile, winced with pain, one eye squinted tightly shut, as he berated himself mentally, silently yelping in startled agony.

"Owowowowowowowowowow..."

Muttering to himself quietly, he took a deep shaky breath, trying to slow his heartbeat down to something that didn't make him feel as though he was about to pass out.

"Relax, relax," he whispered, closing both eyes and attempting to forcibly calm his stiffened muscles.

It wasn't so much that he was a big fan of zen and the art of moving through life smoothly, so much that it was, he was quickly discovering, very difficult to remove a half-in tampon when you were so tensed as to be clenching it.

A sharp burning pain jolted through his body in places where he was previously unaware he had nerve endings and he gasped softly, green eyes flashing open with the oddly inverted discomfort.

As he slowly managed to slide the all-too-wide cotton stick further away, he heard the maid still waiting for him speak up.

"Um, are you okay?" Havana asked, embarrassed at having to do so. "That was an old one... Did it already fall out of the applicator?"

Garfakcy pounced upon the target-shaped excuse waving about in front of him, hastily responding.

"Y-yeah!" He glanced at the milky plastic tube he was still holding, having already attempted to use it to push the tampon in properly the first time, but instead accidentally sliding it off the back of the cotton wad.

This, he assumed, was the applicator.

"Um, I don't suppose you have anything else?"

Anything less painful, his mind added in with a shaky gasp as he finally dropped the slightly bloodied tampon and its holder into the small wastebasket in the stall.

"I don't have anything else on me," Havana shook her head. "You could ask one of the other girls." Perhaps she heard the cringe on his face through the painted plywood door, for she continued. "But for now at least, just use toilet paper."

Garfakcy's pale eyes lit up.

Toilet paper. Of course!

He hastily grabbed a handful, firmly shutting out the part of his mind that was disgusted with the thought, and folded it up into a neat pad, tying it down with another long strip.

There. That... That actually looked very flimsy, he admitted to himself. But it was better than nothing and much better than the damned tampon.

:n:

"Th-this isn't fair!" Thats gasped, leaning heavily on the railing at the top of the main stairway at the entrance to the castle, trying futilely to keep his body covered with the meager white towel.

"Tell me about it," Rath muttered, struggling to wrap his towel tightly enough to get it to stay above his chest and not fall off. "I can't get it to stay."

He glanced at the other almost jealously.

"If you just tucked it properly, you'd be able to get it to work. This is impossible!"

Thats grimaced. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... At least your chest doesn't hurt when you go up or down stairs! Breasts bounce," he emphasized, "and that's painful."

Rath's eyes narrowed slightly, obviously not pleased with the implications in that explanation.

"At least I'm skinny."

Rune buried his face in his hands, giving a low exasperated moan.

"Do you two realize what you are saying?" he asked incredulously. "You both sound absolutely pathetic."

The other two Knights stared shamefully at the marble ground, scuffing their feet guiltily.

"Come on," Rune continued impatiently, already starting down one of the branching hallways on the second floor, "they must've gone this way. I can see their wet footprints."

It wasn't long before the scantily clad trio found themselves standing outside a closed wooden door, the trail of watery footsteps ending in a messy jumble front of it.

Rune tested the brass doorknob nervously, almost expecting himself to be blown backwards with the force of a shattering explosion or turned to ice on the spot with his hand still gripping the handle.

Nothing happened, however, and he was surprised to feel it turn almost too easily in his grasp.

"Hurry up, already."

Rune didn't hear which of the other two made this impatient remark, but he heeded it, his heart unreasonably jumping wildly. Stepping inside, he was startled by how utterly normal the room appeared. It was obviously Cesia's, as he recognized the dresser and bed from when she had been lending them clothing, but it didn't seem to reek of evil deeds or of Faerie Princess Summoning.

That was, of course, before he caught sight of the white-clad figure seated serenely in the center of Cesia's bed, a half-drunk cup of tea in her hand and two smugly grinning girls on either side.

"Why," Tintlett smiled smoothly, "hello Rune."

Rune blanched, vaguely aware of a chorus of snickers coming from both inside the room and directly behind him. He lashed out randomly at the moving form next to him and was rewarded with a muffled yelp.

"Tou-chy," Thats muttered, rubbing his arm where the elf had caught him a glancing blow, then fell silent as Rune walked further into the bedroom.

"U-um..." He stuttered, seemingly at an utter loss for words.

After all, he thought furiously to himself, What does one say in this situation? It had never been part of his etiquette lessons back when he was a boy.

The double meaning of that statement did not fail to take the opportunity to dig its claws into his skin with an embarrassing slash of pain.

"Yeah, when I was a boy..." Rune sighed under his breath, guiltily avoiding Tintlett's eyes and staring instead at the white sheets in front of him.

"Um," he continued, "hi. Hello, Tintlett."

"Tsk," Cesia rolled her eyes, setting her cup of tea down on the nearby bed stand with a clatter as the Elven Princess giggled behind her own cup.

"Hello, Rune," Tintlett said serenely, "how are you?"

Rune faltered, still at a loss for words. Inwardly he was seething, foaming undiluted hatred at the mouth and mentally throttling the other two girls in the room. Outwardly his jaw had yet to be scooped up from the floor.

"Oh dear," Tintlett sighed, sounding almost amused. "Well, thank you for the tea. It was lovely."

"Wait," Rune managed to get out, still staring wide eyed. "Why... How..."

"To see you, of course," the other elf laughed lightly. "It's not every day one has this opportunity."

Rath shuddered. Was that a flicker of sadism in her innocently shining blue eyes?

"And," she went on, whatever dark thought the Knight of Fire had caught a glimpse of disappearing, "I was invited to Lady Raseleane and Lord Lykouleon's ball."

Tintlett beamed at the dumbstruck Knights, then took another sip of her warm drink.

She looked Rune over consideringly, then broke into a grin, losing her sugar-sweet tone with a sadistically delighted laugh.

"...But it was mainly to see you with knockers larger than mine. Gods, I wish I had been here when Cesia took you bra shopping."

:n:

I have no excuses. I'm so sorry. This was a shitty update, too. :sweatdrop: Honestly, I'm pretty pissed at myself about this, but I just ran out of time...

:n:

As I'm having trouble accessing the reviews, responses will be sent via that spiffy new responder thing. And, if it's an anonymous one? In the next chapter. :sweatdrop:

:n:

...If you want to yell at me, you'll have to do it in a review... :sweatdrop:


	14. Fanboys are the Worst Sort

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights OR Gundam Wing. :ninja:

Warnings: Swearing, feminine issues(and humor, come to think of it).

A/N: Apologies for last short chapter. I hope this makes up for it, somewhat.

:n:

Rune awoke the next morning pleased at the feel of Tintlett's soft skin next to his own. He smiled, noting her slow sleepy breathing, and let the first rays of light edge in through the nearby window. It wasn't often that he got to hold his love like this, cuddling her securely between his arms, now that he was a Dragon Knight and living in draqueen. In fact, his sleep-numbed mind restated, it was never that he got to do so.

But that abnormality was ignored as he blissfully relished the sweet scent of her softly curling hair and the way she sighed peacefully in her sleep, nuzzling further back and sliding into his cleavage.

Rune blinked his eyes open at that thought, flinching at the sunlight shining directly into them through the open balcony doors next to his bed, and made a good faith attempt to sort out for the umpteenth time why he appeared to be involved in a relationship with his wife that was (compared to its regular state) abnormally lesbian, and tried to remember if this was allowed, disallowed, or merely skimmed over in Dragoon's constitution.

A few doors down, Rath awoke to a distinct pressure in his lower abdomen, rolled over, discovered that merely made it worse, and silently cursed his life, his friends' lives, and whatever idjeet made it so fucking bright so early in the morning.

Downstairs, Cesia was already packing together a quick picnic breakfast as Thats leaned against the wall behind her, multitasking by simultaneously throwing in suggestions of what should be brought and complaining about being awoken at such an early hour.

"I just don't see why I had to be awake for this. I mean, you let the others sleep in. --Hey, don't forget the cherry jam. -- Rune and Tintlett, sure, fine, they haven't seen each other in ages. But you could've brought down Rath, too, or at least just let me sleep! --The ham. You're missing the ham.--"

"I didn't wake you up," Cesia tried to explain yet again as she placed the missing objects into the basket, "Kitchel did. If you want to complain," she continued with an irritated tsk, "then go find her. She said she needed you awake for something, but she's vanished now. Why don't you make yourself useful and go look for her?"

Thats paused in his rant, slightly annoyed that she was cutting him off right when he was starting to have fun with it.

"Oh, fine," he turned to walk away, slightly flared jeans brushing against each other as he walked, the denim making a crisp swish through the air, "and Cesia..." Thats called over his shoulder in a suddenly overly-cheerful voice as he slipped out the kitchen door, "...Don't forget the salt!"

"Goddamn," the fortuneteller muttered as he departed, slamming a smooth saltshaker into the basket as well. "I swear he's being annoying as some sort of contorted revenge."

She wasn't that far wrong, to tell the truth.

As Thats meandered down the hallways, highly enjoying their solitude, he wondered momentarily how to annoy the other girl. It needed a much more cunning plan than what he had been doing to Cesia; If it was that obvious, Kitchel would simply smack him. He had already discovered she had no qualms about hitting a lady if she was pushed far enough, especially when the lady was actually, as far as she was concerned, merely a man in a very good drag act.

Several floors above him, Rath had crawled out of bed and slunk into the adjourning bathroom where a quick search of the cabinets had revealed the painkillers Cesia had left for his use. His pride twinged as he opened the bottle, but he was supposed to meet the others shortly and didn't feel like dealing with the cramping. The spinning of the castle grounds in a sickening arc was good enough, thanks.

Besides, wasn't it supposed to end soon? How long did periods last, anyway? Four days, five days, seven days? He had a feeling that one of the last two was correct, although he was uncertain which it was. Well, this was the third day, as far as he could remember, although he was tempted to say it was the thirtieth. It should be over soon.

And then he would be able to sit back in peace and gloat over the other two, Rath thought grimly. Who said he could never see the bright side of a problem?

With a dry gulp, he swallowed down the pills, filling his cupped hand with water from the sink and sending that down after it to kill the bitterly candied aftertaste they left.

Cesia was going to be packing them a breakfast, Rath remembered abruptly. He'd go join her. He suddenly felt like trying out his culinary abilities once more, and wanted to make sure that she would be bringing something he'd feel safe eating. Rath winced at the memory of the past breakfast.

He had every right to feel a bit paranoid.

Changing quickly into a loose summer dress Cesia had lent him, Rath fumbled with the clasp on the back of his bra before giving up and putting it back. The white and gold material covered everything, and it wasn't as if he really needed one, anyway.

Slipping on a pair of sandals as well, Rath edged nervously out of his room, hoping he'd be able to make it to the kitchens without being cornered by an overly-zealous member of the castle who wished to show the "newcomer" around.

It was only when Rath was halfway there that he realized he had not seen the Dragon Lord or, for that matter, any of the other officials for a couple days now, save for one brief meeting.

This abnormality confused him for a moment before he shook it off. What did he care, anyway? Their absence was a good thing.

Rath grinned to himself as he continued on his way unheeded. This sudden relative freedom was nice. And, his eyes lit up at the thought, very convenient. Who would notice if one of the random visitors disappeared for a while? If someone did chance to realize he was missing, who was to say that he hadn't gone to visit a nearby relative or simply gotten lost in the gardens for a few hours?

Oh, Rath silently laughed, this was the opportunity he had been waiting for.

:n:

"There," Cesia stepped back to admire her efforts, smiling proudly at the neatly-packed-to-the-stitches picnic basket.

She shook the crink out of her neck, the muscles already tired from bending over the wicker basket for so long, and tucked stray strands of long waving black hair behind her ears. She was finally finished, and no thanks to the irritation of earlier that morning.

"Now," she looked around the kitchen, "where's everyone else? It's starting to get late... I thought Thats at least would be back by now!" Sighing exasperatedly, Cesia struggled to push the load of food onto a high shelf where it would be mostly hidden from sight.

"I should wake Rath," she decided. "And then send him to get Rune and Tintlett while I find the other two." That settled upon, Cesia straightened out her skirts, mentally running through a list of places she should suggest Rath search and wondering what time it was and how long, for that matter, she had been packing.

Her stomach gave a forlorn growl and she rolled her amber eyes once more.

"Right. Time to get started."

:n:

"Here, let me help you."

Rune sweatdropped, turning a delicate shade of peach as Tintlett leaned over from where she was seated beside him on his bed and began to quickly lace up the back of his light dress, her slender hands weaving the silk strips deftly.

"...Thank you," he stated, flushing further and looking at the marbled floor in embarrassment.

"It's no problem," Tintlett laughed quietly, removing her hands from the material and placing one of them before her upturned mouth. "I'm just glad it fits you. It always was a little too big for me."

Rune turned even redder, standing up suddenly and searching about him for a convenient change of topic. It was awkward to suddenly fit your wife's clothing better than she ever did.

"What time were we supposed to meet Cesia?" The elf asked, very pleased at this new subject to fill what was teetering on becoming an uncomfortable silence.

"She didn't say," Tintlett said as she slipped easily out of her loose white nightgown, "just that we were to meet her for breakfast."

"...I hope we didn't miss her."

Rune made a point of turning to face the wall, face burning once more by the other's casual disrobing, an act he had seen hundreds of times before. What perturbed him, however, was not the nudity itself so much as the sort of vague interest he still felt.

It was, he thought furiously to himself as he concentrated on the tiny gray crack in the wall, incredibly weird to not feel any sort of attraction to the gently sloping curves.

This experience reminded him of his prepubescent years, complete with the high voice and increased likelihood to be, at any given moment, close to tears.

That didn't mean he had been a pansy child, he hastily corrected himself, vaguely frustrated with that reasoning.

Oh, Gods, Rune physically rolled his eyes at himself, although a passing ant was confused as to the being the gesture was meant for.

He felt too on-edge. He really needed to get some more sleep. That would clear his mind. Maybe he and Tintlett could slip away while they were at breakfast, he pondered. They could go meditate somewhere without being disturbed by the others and their noisy antics...

That calming thought fresh in his mind, he turned around cheerfully to see Tintlett fully dressed in a neatly matching blouse and long skirt. Wondering where she had gotten the clothing momentarily, Rune decided that one of the other two girls had probably lent them to her for her stay in the Dragon Palace.

Opening his mouth to ask, he was cut short by an impatient knock at the door and Tintlett's lighthearted call that she would get it. She let Cesia inside and Rune was startled to notice the slight look of concern on her graceful features.

"Is Rath with you two?"

Rune shook his head. "No. We just got up ourselves. Why?"

Cesia sighed, shaking her head exasperatedly. "Like I thought. He's gone off somewhere."

"What?" Rune asked, noting the widening to Tintlett's eyes as well. "Where? When?"

He realized his use of so many questioning words all in one breath and mentally cursed the writer of his dialogue for how stupid it sounded. One of the set was missing, however, and he would die before adding 'how' to his list of recent lexicon choices.

"I don't know," the castle fortuneteller said, crossing her arms over her chest, "I just went to wake him up. I thought I'd let him sleep in today. But he's already left. Damnit," she cursed, "I knew he'd get like this. He probably sees this as a ready-made excuse to go demon hunting. Stupid boy."

The Knight of Water looked confused, questioning, "How is that so bad? I agree that he shouldn't leave without permission," he hastily added, noting with a tired resignation the fatal use of 'how'. He would have time to punish himself properly later. "But what makes this different from before? Rath's a capable fighter, no matter what body he's in."

"His armor," Cesia explained, running a hand through her bright violet bangs, "it was made for a man. I doubt it still fits him or will even appear when he wills it to. But even that aside, he's not going to be able to fight like he used to. You might not have noticed, but his female form has considerably less body mass and muscle than he's used to."

"You're right," Rune admitted with a tired shake of his head, passing his hand briefly over his eyes in frustration. "We should find him, then. Did you wake Thats already?"

Cesia nodded, "he's been up for a while. Kitchel wanted his help with something, so we dragged him out of bed."

Tempted to laugh at the thought of that difficulty, Rune restrained himself, thinking again on the danger Rath might find himself unwittingly wandering into.

As he was thinking of some suggestion that might be of help, the door to his chambers opened again, this time with no warning knock.

"That's where you guys all went," Kitchel exclaimed, taking in the people within the room in a quick sweep. "Where's Thats? I've been waiting for him. He knows where the castle keeps their tablecloths better than I do."

"He's probably still looking for you," Cesia sighed again, new determination welling up inside of her to stop using that verb.

"No," Kitchel shook her head, "he found me. He's annoying today. So I told him to get the tablecloth and while I found a spot for the picnic and to meet me back by the pantry. But that was almost an hour ago, so I went to find everyone else."

"Oh," Cesia groaned, "well, we'll have to look for him later. At least he's not getting himself killed and is probably just sleeping somewhere."

:n:

Sleeping was the last thing Thats was doing. At the same time, it was much closer to the top of the list of Nice Things to Be Doing than being dragged about the castle by an overly enthusiastic tour guide and her creepy friend.

He wouldn't like to be getting himself killed either, however. Although the prospect of taking on a demon, unarmored, at this very moment was beginning to look steadily more appealing.

"And this is where the brooms are kept!"

Thats ran a tired hand down his face, muffling his irritated moan.

"Look, just tell me whether or not you know where I can get a damn tablecloth!"

The shorter girl stalking on his tour guide(as Thats had come to think of her)'s other side snorted, making what he was certain was a rude comment under her breath.

It wasn't her foul temper that gave him a feeling of unease. It was this tickling recognition every time he looked at her that Thats was unable to place which unnerved him.

She tossed her oddly tri-colored hair, speaking louder to her friend.

"Havana, could we hurry?"

Excellent suggestion, Thats though. Creepy little thing though she was, she did seem to be thinking along the right lines.

"Oh," the taller girl pouted, her long braid seeming to droop behind her at this thought. "But I'm not done showing Kitchel around yet!"

"I'm sure she's seen enough," Garfakcy snapped. "Broom closets, cabinets, and 'haunted' dormitories do not make the most interesting things to show to tourists."

Her pale eyes flickered over Thats again, and the Dragon Knight had the unsettling feeling once more of deejay vu.

If he didn't know better, he would say this short girl was trying to confirm to herself something about his appearance and he turned his face away, letting his brown hair block her vision.

Havana paused uncertainly before speaking again in an uncertain quiver. "But those things are interesting..."

Jeeze.

Thats restrained himself from darting down the doorway they were now passing in an increasingly futile attempt to gather up his sanity.

"Look," he said instead in a purposefully patient voice, "I'm in a hurry, so if we could just get to the point..."

He fumbled as her dark eyes widened and turned to the floor, bright red climbing over her cheeks.

"Oh, great," he mentally complained, "what did I do now? Look," Thats continued out loud, "I'll, uh, I'll be around for the rest of the month, so you can show me later..."

"You mean it?" Her face lit up while her friend made a disgusted gagging noise behind her hand. "Promise?"

"Uh," Thats shrugged, "sure."

"Alright," Havana beamed and then yanked open the broom closet they had been standing in front of, standing on tiptoe to reach a small shelf near the top and retrieving a rough but passable blanket.

"Will this do?" She asked a disgruntled Thats.

"Couldn't you have given that to her earlier?" Garfakcy complained.

"Well," Havana glanced sheepishly at the floor as Thats took the blanket from her arms.

"No, it's fine," he resisted the urge to roll his eyes, forcing a grin instead. "Thanks for getting me this. And," he added painfully, "for the tour."

Heading back so late to Kitchel might get him smacked, but it was still further up on his list of Nice Things to Be Doing then staying around with these two basketcases was. Thats mentally groaned as he realized how much time he had just wasted when he could have, apparently, opened nearly any closet or cabinet and grabbed something that would have worked at least half-decently.

He sighed and wondered why he could hear a far off call for a thesaurus.

:n:

"Come on," Lykouleon sighed, wondering why that action seemed to overused. "We should find them."

Ruwalk nodded, pushing his chair back from the thick oaken desk, the deep carving along its rim shining polished in the wakening light.

"Yes, you're right," the Yellow Dragon Officer agreed. He stepped out, picking up a long white jacket from where it lay draped over another chair, and slipped it over his slender form.

"Oh, and Ruwalk?"

"Yes?" He looked back at his old friend, catching the waver or hope in his plea. "What is it?"

"Could you...?"

His voice dipped and raised in an embarrassed tug once more, aqua eyes glancing pleadingly up at Ruwalk.

Ruwalk scowled.

"Again? Lykouleon, I just gave it to you last night."

"I know, but," the Dragon Lord grinned sheepishly, turning pink, "it felt so good."

"I'm disgusted with you," Ruwalk announced with little resolve, striding forward and placing a firm hand on Lykouleon's arm, drawing him close to him. "You should know better than this." His voice draped itself teasingly around his friend's body.

"You listen to it too high!" Ruwalk continued past him, snatching up a C.D. player where it lay on the shelf, out of the Dragon Lord's reach, and glared at the look of delight on Lykouleon's face. "You'll blast out your ears."

"But that's what makes it feel so nice!" Lykouleon responded eagerly as he snatched the device from his friend, slamming the headphones on and cranking up the volume. His head nodded subconsciously to the pounding beat, the last words of his sentence half-shouted in response to the blaring bass.

Ruwalk watched him for a moment, dryly commenting, "We should go. But Rath's going to kill you. You'll blow out his speakers."

Lykouleon followed him out of their office, a puzzled expression taped to his brow.

"But I'm not eating his sneakers!"

:n:

"Okay," Rune massaged his temples with little effect on the tugging headache within, "so where should we look?"

"Thats is somewhere in the castle," Kitchel said from where she sat cross-legged on the bed, "but Rath..."

"Rath could be anywhere." Cesia nodded, then shook her head in despair at his antics. "He's probably long gone by now, though. We might have a chance at finding him if we were to search along the outer edges of the gardens..."

"But how do we get there in time?" Tintlett asked, her blue eyes concerned. "It will take a while to get there, and by that time he might be long gone."

"I suppose we should split up," Rune said again, now standing next to Tintlett, one hand on her arm. "With more of us looking for Rath than Thats."

"Glad to see you're so worried about me," Thats drawled, sliding into the room, the rough blanket over his shoulder. "It took me forever to find this, and then you've all moved... Well, not you two," he nodded at the Elves.

"What took you so long?" Kitchel asked, glancing out at the sun now far above the surrounding gardens.

"I got sidetracked by a tour. Long story." He ran a hand through his bangs, tucking the longer strands behind his ears. "So what's this about Rath?"

"He's missing," Rune explained.

"So we were about to go looking for him." Cesia added in with a brisk step towards the door. "So now that you're here we can all look for him. He's probably gone demon hunting."

"Just like Rath," Thats muttered, dropping the blanket to the floor. "Right. How are we going to do this?"

Before their plan could be outlined once more in meager detail, a shout from outside attracted their attention.

"I said we need to find the Dragon Knights!"

"Ruwalk," Rune heard as he quickly unbolted the balcony doors, racing out into the waxing sunlight, long fair skirt billowing behind him.

"I disagree."

Yes, it was definitely the voice of the Dragon Lord, Rune thought, edging to one side as both Thats and Tintlett joined him.

"We should find the Dragon Knights," Lykouleon continued, puzzled to the look of frustration that swept over the secretary's face, "not hit the Red Lights. Honestly, Ruwalk," he laughed, oblivious to their audience, "why would we want to go there at a time like this? Unless," his eyes lit up and Ruwalk glanced up at the trio, his attention caught by the stifled giggles. "You're hiding something from me. That's it, isn't it? You've found a sweetheart at last! Oh, I was right! I knew you would find yourself someone! Cernozura owes me fifty… or was it sixty…"

"My Lord," Ruwalk nearly yelped, face looking to burn off. "You've got it all-- "

"Nonsense," Lykouleon brushed past his words with his casual charm, "it doesn't matter where she's from. Of course we'll accept her. You're like a brother to me, Ruwalk," he clapped a hand on the Officer's shoulder, "and I'll fully support you in this."

"My… My Lord…" Ruwalk nearly whimpered, debating snatching at the devious CD player from where it was firmly secured in Lykouleon's grasp.

Rune flinched in sympathy for Ruwalk, deciding it was time to intervene and save the Secretary's last remaining shards of dignity. Heaven knew he was having a hard enough time keeping his own.

"Lykouleon!" He hollered, although the Dragon Lord didn't look up until Thats joined in as well. "My Lord," Rune continued, then thought better of it and gestured hastily for him to remain where he was, snatching up Tintlett's hand and quickly pulling her out of his room and to the hallway, a short run from the gardens.

"Hey--!" Thats called after their departing forms, giving chase as Cesia and Kitchel hurried out as well.

The sun was clear in the peaceful blue sky, a perfect day for their planned picnic, Cesia thought as she hitched up her skirt to quickly race down the main stairs. If they could find Rath soon, they would still be able to make a luncheon out of it, something she knew her pitifully complaining stomach would agree eagerly to.

Ruwalk was stuttering nervously as she ran out the palace doors, making her way quickly around the bend in the path that would lead her to the Dragon Lord and his Officer. A twinge of pride filtered through her mind; she was sprinting down the dirt path in heels. Rath would have faceplanted long ago.

Well, no, she caught herself.

He did wear heels with some amount of frequency, even ones as high as hers. If he managed to battle demons in them, he could certainly dash down a well-kept path. Still, a sliver of her ego wished to keep some feeling of long-earned accomplishment.

Okay... Thats would have fallen by now(shoes from Book 22, anyone?).

"M-my lord," she heard Rune gasp out as he skidded to a stop in front of her, dipping his head, face slightly flushed from the near-panicked run. "My lord," he began again, "we're looking for Rath. I'm afraid he's gone off demon hunting."

Lykouleon blinked, confused at Rune's over-enunciations which had coincided with a particularly loud burst of swearing during the chorus.

"...Semen humping?"

Tintlett giggled behind her hand as Rune reddened, thrown off by this unexpected answer.

"Uh... N-no..."

"No, you have to do it like this," an exasperated Ruwalk said, angling away from the now-enthusiastically-air-guitar-playing Dragon Lord to face the Knight of Water.

Clearing his slightly hoarse throat, he turned back. "Hey! Ly-kou-le--"

"Lykouleon."

The curt voice broke off Ruwalk's cry.

"Yes?" Lykouleon asked, his voice suddenly serious and at a normal volume, though the music continued to blare. "What is it, Tetheus?"

The Black Dragon Officer stepped out of the dense trees bordering the pathway, sending a brief disapproving glance at Ruwalk as he whimpered, head hanging in defeat.

"You wanted to meet with the Dragon Knights today." This was a statement, not a question. "Rath was trying to hunt demons."

"And you caught him?" Kitchel asked, stepping forward.

"No." Tetheus deadpanned. "I, being the emotionless Officer of Security that I am, have no will of my own and therefore merely decided to report this possible hazard to my superiors instead of using my critical thinking skills to infer that the better solution would be to apprehend Rath before he left the palace grounds. Being a mindless robot, I am just here to relay the message."

There was an awkward silence.

Donning a thickly nasal Japanese accent he raised his right hand in front of him as if holding a small slender rod, the type which might have a button on one end which, once touched, would send the signal for various hidden bombs to explode and cause a large building complex to blow up. Such as the OZ headquarters or the Dragon Palace

"Mission completed," Tetheus added in with the same thick monotone, as he mimicked pressing down on the deadly button.

"...I knew it," Thats muttered.

Tetheus arched a dark eyebrow as the bewildered silence continued otherwise unabated. "Of course I have him." He stepped completely onto the path, revealing Rath behind him standing sullen and confused in his old clothes.

"Rath!" Cesia exclaimed, eyes quickly flashing from soft to glaring. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"What the hell did Tetheus think he was doing with that old school reference?" Ruwalk muttered, earning a brief nod from Rune, still staring at the demon in shock.

"I liked it," Tintlett smiled cheerily, "Heero was always my favorite."

"Really?" Ruwalk cocked his head to one side, "I'd take you as more of a Quatre fangirl."

Rune sweatdropped as Tintlett laughed again, launching into a more detailed explanation.

_...Am I the only one who doesn't know what they're talking about?_

"I just wanted to find something to do," Rath complained as Cesia glowered at him, "I was getting tired of all this!"

"Be that as it may," Ruwalk reluctantly broke off his eager discussion with the Elven Princess. "You have to remember you can't just wander off like that! Especially not now! What if, in addition to altering your appearances, Rune accidentally locked up your abilities as well? Spells are dangerous, even more so when performed incorrectly."

Before Rath could snap back a response (and insult) at the Secretary of State, Lykouleon slid into the conversation, tugging the borrowed headphones to dangle around his neck.

"Since you are here," Lykouleon looked about him, extending the words to the rest standing about, "I would like to ask you to come with me. I want a word with all of you, especially Rath, Thats, and Rune."

Cesia's nails dug into Rath's arm before he was able to speak against this plan.

"Fine," he muttered, giving a brief grudging nod.

"Excellent," Lykouleon smiled, the action only fading slightly as Rath deliberately looked away. "Tetheus has told me of something important and it should be brought to your attention."

:n:

"...Shit."

A small female form could be seen standing on the wide balcony branching off of one of the many corridors on the Dragon Palace. She scowled, biting her lower lip and shaking her head, letting her longer dark hair flash about the deep blue of her uniform.

"What is it?"

Garfakcy shook his head curtly, silent in thought. To their right on the winding garden pathway below, a jumbled group of Dusis citizens could be seen gathered, their talk just barely filtering up to where the two maids stood.

Kharl, Garfakcy was sure, would like to hear about this. Slipping his hands into the deep narrow pockets of his dress, Garfakcy was dismayed to find out that the Alchemist had, in his rush, left him no way to contact him.

"Oh," he growled, "this can't be happening. I need to talk to him..."

A slender pink rectangle was shoved into his startled face.

"...Want to use my cell?"

Garfakcy turned to stare up at the taller girl, jaw slack with the sudden realization that other humans possessed near magical ways to contact others over long distances.

"...Sure." He took it from her, glancing with distaste over the obscenely cute pink anime-style panda dangling from the antenna and studied it carefully.

"What is it?" Havana asked, confused at his curiosity. "Haven't you seen this style before? I just got it last month. It's really popular now."

Garfakcy shook his head, loathe to admit that he hadn't seen anything like this at all. One of the results of living in Arinas was maintaining a certain distance from new inventions and fads.

Now that he thought about it, he wasn't even sure if Kharl had a phone number. Hovering over the keys, he was debating returning it (and some of his pride) to Havana, when an idea struck him.

5-4-2-7-5

"Hey, are you sure you hit enough keys..."

Garfakcy waved an impatient hand at the other maid, holding the phone up to his ear as it began to ring. It was her turn to look amazed as the tinny sound filtered over onto the still air, regardless of all rules concerning telephone numbers and their distribution.

"Moshi-moshi!"

Garfakcy sweatdropped. "...Kharl?"

"Hai."

Rubbing his temples as the realization of what an annoyance talking to his master would prove to be, Garfacky continued. "I have something to tell you..."

Quickly explaining the situation at hand, Garfakcy paused to let the alchemist collect his thoughts.

"Hmm..." Kharl pondered the information, "that does sound potentially bad. Don't worry. I had a feeling something like this would happen. I'll simply speed along the plot."

"What does the lazy authoress have to do with this?" Garfakcy asked, startled. "I don't see how her ideas moving faster could have any effect on--"

At that moment four things happened: Cernozura announced that the anniversary ball would be held the following day at Raseleane's request, even though that would mean a mad scramble to prepare by all the castle residents; two other sets of biological monthly alarms were suddenly sped up to the brink of going off; and Havana snatched back her phone, filled with a sudden determination to call her crush, telling them of her true feelings.

Garfacky couldn't care less about either of those (and, in fact, was unable to see why Kharl had bothered to do anything about that third one as it wasn't actually part of any sort of main plot). He was far more concerned with the sudden explosion not twenty feet behind him.

:n:

As the startled yelps at the flying debris and burst of noise died down, Tetheus glanced up at the smoking room above them.

"...Hmm. Oops."

:n:

...That took far too long. :sweatdropsweatdropsweatdrop: Well, it's done now. n-n; Reviews would be nice. I'll be responding to ALL reviews from the past two chapters (and any new ones on old chapters...) below. So I might end up responding twice. I'm so confused... :sweatdrop:

:n:

Kat: ...Very, very true. Badass SEXY manslaves. :and agrees about Miyabi:

The Shadowess: ...Yes, I think that just about sums it up. XD;

RandomRathFan: Oh, um, I had meant to explain that in here. Only then I wanted to post more. XD; See beginning of next chapter. :shifty eyes:

Kagome: XD Yeah... I don't take French, but that description of it amuses me! XD;; And that would be very awkeard.

Go-ruden Kiba: ...Bank? o-oa Ah, well, I don't suppose you remember by now, either. XD;

ShadowDown: Sharks! I have to learn that word for my Spanish test this week... :ninja:

Old fiat: Okay. :O

Blackcat66: Why, thank you.

yume-chan: But you still typed your full name! n-n And track... Tiring... I'd be sleepy, too.

Dark-Birdie: No, I don't think you did. So all good. ...The second of those two. Yeah. n-n;

demonangel: XD; Wow. No sleep? That's kinda impressive...

Peophin-chan: XD; Yeah. She can be devious like that, I suppose...

Dark-Birdie(again...): Your name reminds me of Zoma. o-oa Yeah, um, I think this wait was longer. XD; And, wow, that is weird. XDD

demonangel(again): lol, um, yeah, long wait... Sorry about that...

FireyFlames: That one should be updated... Sometime... After April... It is started, though.

Blackcat666(again): n-n I'll try.

MMRoxx: Yeah, that was it. :D True... That's what someone else said, I think... Been so long. XDDD


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